I left my husband. When I returned to get my things and child, the locks were changed and he physically wouldnt let me have her.
I met someone else. So my husband put a restraining order on me so that my daughter cannot be around me IF this man is around. I can only see my daughter freely if I am alone or without a male visitor. What is the deal? I have been a great mother. I just married the wrong man and it took me 23 years to get the nerve to leave. My other two kids are l8 and 20. Their Dad has brainwashed them into not coming around me either if this new man is around. He even had my parents involved. My whole family is siding with my husband. I feel so alone and mad and stupid. I miss my little girl. She is eleven. So in order to be with her---I have to give up a relationship with this man I met that makes me smile. What do I do?
2006-09-07 06:19:45 · 11 answers · asked by chattykatty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he had to have given a really good reason to get a restraining order against you if your bf is around. Not all states are the same, but I would seek a lawyer...you do not HAVE to give up the relationship with this man just because your ex is playing games with the laws! Seems he's bitter and knows how to hurt you (thru your children). I have had the same prob with my ex, but different circumstances. Please contact a lawyer. You do have rights. And if all else fails, who's more important, your current man OR your little girl?!?
2006-09-07 06:25:09 · answer #1 · answered by zoe and skylar's mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be a terrible situation for you to be in. The only way your husband could put a restraining order on you if this man is around would be to have proven to the court that this man was an unfit person for your children to be around. I find that very hard to believe because he would have to prove it, and to prove it, he would have to have something on this man. Has this man got a record for abusing children or something?....Is he an alcoholic? There has got to be a reason....A man or woman cannot get a restraining order out against anyone without some kind of proof.
If this man has done nothing wrong, then you need to get yourself a Lawyer and let him do all the legal searching as to why this restraining order was allowed to be placed on you. I also suggest doing this very quickly, so you can get custody of your young 11 year old before your husband turns her against you too. I dont know what he has said to your other two older children, but whatever he has said must be pretty bad, because they are both at the age where they should be able to think for themselves.
They are old enough to understand logic, so maybe mediation is the answer for them to understand your point of view. So many parents use the children to get "even" with the wife/husband. It is so wrong.....children need to know both their parents love them.
Your children have only had their fathers point of view...If they wont see you...(have you been persistent in trying?), then write a letter to them explaining what it was like for you in the marriage with their father, dont call him names or anything like that....only talk about your feelings, but also tell them that you love them very much and need to see them. Tell them that you are a person with feelings and this other man makes you very happy, and if they would only give him a chance, they could see that for themselves.
It is the restraining order that is really bothering me here. What has your husband have on this other man....Like I said, he has to prove that this man is an unfit person to be around your children.....what could that be?
This has got to be taken through the legal channels, because a restraining order is a legal document.....or maybe he has brainwashed your two older children to say what a horrible man this is....Only a lawyer can sort this out.
Good luck...you need to act quickly, or your husband will turn your youngest against you too if you wait too long.
2006-09-07 06:39:49 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have rights to your child, with or with out your new bf. I;m not real sure what he told the cops to get a restraining order, but it had to have been something really bad. I figure that he told his lawyer that you abbanded them, it that case, you would have to prove that you didn't. When you left, you should've taken your lil girl with you. He might have also said that you neglected the girl. I witch case, they may look at you as a bad mother. Not that you are, but these are a few of the reason that I can think of that might have given him the upper hand. If you want to get your lil girl back, get a lawyer. That's the best way. As for your family, talk to them. Family is always more forgiving and understanding than anyone else. Talk to them and let them understand. Good Luck
2006-09-07 06:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only did you leave your husband, you left your child! How long were you gone for when you say "when you returned to get your things and your child"? I would have changed the locks the day you walked out, which is what he probably did. Dad has not "brainwashed" your 18 & 20 year old children - thay have most likely come to their conclusions all on their own.......maybe with a little of dad's help, but not much. YOU walked out - maybe it was with good reason, but they see that it was you who left, not their dad - it was them and their dad who was "hurt and abandoned".
Spend time with your 11 year old, let her know that she is important to you and that you love her. You can continue with this other relationship if its that important to you - just make sure you make time for your daughter. And try to re-open thoses lines of communications with your older kids.
2006-09-07 08:00:40 · answer #4 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give up the guy you're with. your child's more important. I'm sure there's something you're not telling us... i.e. I'm sure you've gone through a mediation for you to say that you're not allowed to have your daughter around this guy. Either you agreed to these terms or it was court ordered. (most judges don't go around taking children away from their mothers... there has to be a reason for it.) Now, that aside... you left your husband, and left your kids... that's a big deal.. you walked out. And i'm sure you had your reasons.. I'm just pointing this out because from a childs perspective, they might feel abandoned. OR maybe the guy you're currently with really is bad news... I don't know... as far as your daughter is concerned... the 11 yr old. GIVE UP THE GUY YOU'RE WITH. PROVE TO YOUR CHILDREN THAT THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. No one said being a parent would be easy and you have to make sacrifices for your kids, this is one of those sacrifices. Now, some of the sure fire ways to get custody are 1.)criminal record
2.) endangering child 3.)neglecting child 4.)drug addiction... It seems like he's keeping your kids away from this guy, not away from you... please... evaluate the situatiom.. what's more important... some guy whom you have little history with, or your CHILDREN!!! PLEASE! choose your kids!
2006-09-07 06:36:43 · answer #5 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to prove you unfit. Oh, and by the way. I'm sure your daughter is in school so if you really want her, since you and your husband are still legally married you could go to school and pick her up. Once you get her you could take her out of public school and home school her until your divorce is final. Then she could go back to public when everything is over and you have custody. By the way, when they turn 12 they can decide where they want to live. Don't give up hope. He's just another man who is mad because it didn't go his way. They are so selfish
2006-09-07 06:51:00 · answer #6 · answered by Just_Curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer NOW and prepare yourself for the battle. You need to get on the offensive and visit your daughter as much as possible. Your daughter should be the most important thing right now and if you have to cut down your time with your new man then that is just how things will have to be. Know that this will eventually be over, but the sooner you get to the battle the sooner it will be resolved.
2006-09-07 06:30:49 · answer #7 · answered by vickyc76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a dad with full custody of my daughter and I to have a restraining order against my ex wife. Just curious is wrong . If the restraining order has been served on you then I'm sure the school has a copy of it and you CAN NOT go and check your child out and leave with her. I took the restraining order out on my ex because she was threating to take my daughter and leave and said if she ever got her alone I would never see her again. She also was doing drugs around her with her new boyfriend and drinking at bars when she had a visit and taking her to the bars when she was only 4. Then one night she locked her in the house alone and left her and my daughter woke up in the dark alone and freaked. Luckily I had tought her our phone number and she called me crying her heart out. I drove to where my ex was living and took my daughter and left. Now the only way she is allowed to see her mother is with supervised visits. My daughter was in therapy for 3 years to get over being afraid of being locked in somewhere. So as other people have said, your ex HAD to have had very good reasons to get the restraining order against you and your boyfriend because you have to PROVE to a judge the reasons you are asking for it. What has your new boyfriend done to anger your ex ? We don't do this because we want our own way, we do it to protect the children we love. My ex was changing boyfriends every couple of weeks and I found out when my daughter was in therapy that my ex was having sex with them while my daughter was in the same room and in the same bed. She's damn lucky that all I did was get an order against her. Think about what is more important ! If this guy really cares about you then he will stay out of the way when you have visits with your child. Or are you one of those women who would choose your boyfriend over your child like my ex did ? No one can make your children feel different about you but you. I don't say anything bad about my ex but my daughter hates her for the mental abuse and neglect she suffered from her mother. She is now 8 yrs. old and very happy that her mother is not a big part of her life. Her mother NEVER calls on any holidays or her birthday, never gives her any gifts, never just picks up the phone to say Hi. She was supposed to go to therapy with my child and help mend the rift between them but out of 8 months she only showed up 3 times. So she has proved to my baby that she does not care. It's not anything I did to turn her against her mother, her mother did it all by herself. Not all husbands are scum as some of these people on here seem to think. Some of us just love our children so much that we won't let ANYONE hurt them and that includes the MOTHER. If you have done nothing wrong then get a lawyer and fight, but I can tell you now that anything in your past or presant that your ex knows about can be used against you. If your not a bad parent than the courts will see that and make a decision besed on ONLY the facts and not the he said/ she said stuff. Sorry for going on and on, but I have dealt with this for the past 5 years and it is a very sore spot in my heart.
2006-09-07 08:33:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
When you walked out of the house to leave your husband, you also left on your children. Your other two children (18 & 20) are old enough to make their own decisions and the message you sent to their father by leave was unfortunately the same you sent to your children. You should concentrate on visiting your daughter instead of worrying about introducing her to your new beau. What is your priority right now? Men come and go....Children don't.
2006-09-07 07:31:25 · answer #9 · answered by Joey V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I almost went through the same thing..My ex tried taking my 4 daughters and had a lawyer and everything..He called CPS on me the Sheriffs on me and even said a lot of bad things to the judge..He lost because he didn't have evidence and he had to start paying child support..I'm a good mom and I too had a guy my ex didn't like..well I just broke up with him and now it's just me and the girls..Good luck..
2006-09-07 10:25:03 · answer #10 · answered by Sissy Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋