help please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

i have a friend who's benn cutting herself for like 5 years... she started when she was a teen, and now she can't stop it... she doen't even need to be unhappy or anything, it's just a part of her routine...
she's been seeing a therapist, but it's not doing anything for her, she's not improving at all!
how can i help her??

Answer 1

Understanding why a friend may be cutting can help you be supportive. But what can you actually do to help your friend stop?

The first thing is to be realistic about what you can achieve: As with any damaging behavior (such as alcoholism, drugs, or eating disorders), some people just may not be ready to acknowledge the problem and stop. So don't put too much pressure on yourself — your friend's problem could be a long-standing one that requires help from a professional therapist or counselor. Therapists who specialize in treating adolescents are often experienced in working with people who self-injure, and can also help with other issues or emotional pain they might have.

Here are some things that you can try to help a friend who cuts:

* Talk about it. You've asked your friend about the cuts and scratches — and maybe he or she changed the subject. Try again. Let your friend know that you won't judge, and that you want to help if you can. If your friend still won't talk about it, just let him or her know the offer stands and you are open to talking whenever he or she wants. Sometimes it helps to let a friend know that you care. Still, even though you do your best, your friend may not want to talk.

* Tell someone. If your friend asks you to keep the cutting a secret, say that you aren't sure you can because you care. Tell your friend that he or she deserves to feel better. Then tell an adult in a position to help, like your parents, a school psychologist or counselor, or a teacher or coach your friend is close to. Getting treatment may help your friend overcome the problem. Your friend may be mad at you at first. But studies show that 90% of those who self-injure are able to stop within a year of beginning treatment.

* Help your friend find resources. Try to help your friend find someone to talk to and a place to get treatment. There are also some good books and online support groups for teens who self-injure. Be careful, though: Although some websites offer useful suggestions about how to resist the urge to cut, the stories or pictures some people send in may actually trigger the urge to cut in those who read or see them. And some sites promote a sense of sisterhood or solidarity that might interfere with a person's getting help. There's nothing cool about cutting — beware of people or websites that suggest there is!

* Help your friend find alternatives to cutting. Some people find that the urge to self-injure passes if they squeeze an ice cube in their hand really hard, draw with a red marker on the body part they feel like cutting, take a walk with a friend (you!), rip up old newspapers, stroke their cat or dog, play loud music and dance, or find another distraction or outlet for their feelings. These strategies don't take the place of getting professional counseling, but they can help in the short run.

* Acknowledge your friend's pain. Let friends who cut know that you get what they’re going through by saying things like, "Your feelings must just overwhelm you sometimes. You've been through a lot — no wonder you hurt. I want to help you find a way to cope that won't hurt you any more." Try to avoid statements that send the message you don't take your friend’s pain seriously (statements like "But you've got such a great life" or "Things aren't that bad" can feel dismissive to a person who cuts).

* Be a good role model. Everyone experiences painful emotions like hurt, anger, loss, disappointment, guilt, or sadness. These emotions are part of being human. Coping with strong emotions — instead of dwelling on them and continuing to feel bad — involves a few key skills, like knowing how to calm yourself down when you’re upset, putting feelings into words, and working out solutions to everyday problems. Be the kind of person who can do this and your friend will learn from you.

And here are things you should avoid doing with people who cut:

* Don't deliver an ultimatum. The best thing friends can do is to be there for each other, accepting and supporting one another without judgment. Try to avoid issuing deadlines or ultimatums to people who self-injure (for example, don't tell them you'll stop being a friend if they don't stop cutting). This strategy doesn't work and it just puts pressure on everyone. Let your friend know that you’ll always be there to talk to.

* Don't accidentally reinforce the behavior. Among some people, cutting can have a certain mystique. If you're concerned about a friend who cuts, don't let your friend buy into the notion that the behavior is a sign of strength, rebellion, punk chic, or simply a part of his or her personal identity. Don’t reward drama with too much attention.

* Don’t join in. A few people may try to get others to cut as a way to be part of the group or to seem cool. They might dare you, or try to convince you to cut to see how it feels. Don’t let peer pressure pull you into doing something you know isn’t right for you. Someone who tries to pressure you probably isn’t a true friend after all.

What a tragedy ... I truly hope this helps.

Answer 2

How long has she been seeing the therapist? If it's just been a couple of weeks, then it's probably too soon to tell if that therapist can help.

If it's been many months or a year, then she may need to change therapists. (Some, unfortunately, are Rent-a-Friends who don't actually help people. Trouble is, RaF's are pleasant to have, and your friend may be reluctant to do this.)

Is the therapist experienced in cutting?

Educating yourself to understand what it's all about would also be a good thing.

The long reply by didactic-rogue also had lots of sound advice, but seemed to miss the fact that she's in therapy already.

Answer 3

take her out to have a fun time, try not to let her out of your sight, then maybe if she sees that there is other things out there more fun then cutting herself she MIGHT stop, u never know, and just be a good friend to her. and keep supporting her to keep going to the therapist.

Answer 4

My best friend did that through most of her teens as well. We tried any every thing to help her, but nothing seemed to help. The best solution is to be there for her, and ask her if she needs to talk and that your always there to listen. My friend did eventually grow out of it and now she the happiest I've ever seen her.

Answer 5

get her professional help, find someone better than the one she's going to now. the problem might be the therapist. this will only get worse with time if it's left alone. speak to her and see why she's doing it. this stems from depression and that doesn't stop unless she takes full control of her situation.

Answer 6

Considering she is just a friend and you know that she is seeing someone about it, then you should just be supportive. Let her talk to you about it, without you getting angry with her. She needs to know she has people who care about her, people who do not want her to do this to herself. You need to remind her of that all the time, that you care for her and you want her to be happy & healthy. Stay positive with her, encourage her.

Answer 7

It sounds like she is taking the proper steps by seeing a therapist. All you can do is be her support and pray for her.

Answer 8

first shes needs love someone to show her that you give a **** all she looking for is for someone to give her the love that she didn't get as a kid growing up.you can't go to a therapist and ex pecked to get better if you don't have nobody who loves you.as a Friend you can only give her a little of what she is looking for.she has to find some one to love her .give her what she is looking for someone who cares

Answer 9

Did she ASK you to help her?

If "yes", then you need to ask her:
Do you want to stop? (She has to say "yes".)
Then, you have to say, "Stop it".

She can talk about WHY she's a cutter with you or her therapist, if she wants to.
Or, she can just get over it.

We ALL have issues, honey.
It's good to have friends to talk with, though.

She should dump her unhelpful therapist.

Answer 10

you cant help her unless she wants help. but if you want to be ready for her when she does,you could find out all the info about cutting that you can.I'm sure there are websites & books out there,it is pretty common these days.