How can I turn my life around?

Question

Hi Im a 29year old gay male. I have a partner (of 3 years) and live in UK. I have always been ostracised or left out from groups as I have grown up. and as a result aside from my partner no one knows me from before 2005
I cant help but feel that life has dealt me a bad hand - people have told me how I am fun and likeable - but no-one wants to know me outside of work .
I've been told that makeing friends gets harder as you get older and thats just depressing.
So where can I start? What can I do to find people who can be friends?

I am very shy about just walking upto complete strangers and trying to talk about anything! Also I need to make friends away from my partner cos i cant exactly ***** behind his back now can I!!!

I do have interests but how do I find people of like mind?

xxxxx : biatch

Answer 1

they say it gets harder as you get older, but I dont think it does.
It all depends on how you were raised, the older you get the more set in your ways you get, and its hard to break out of a rut.
try being extremly out going, even if you have to go somewhere where people dont know you. sometimes a change like that can help. I know when i was younger i lost most of my friends because no one want to know the girl who was raped and abused, it brings them down. but i went on a 26 hour bus trip with people i had never met in my life and I knew would probably never see again, and it was great! I didnt feel like i had to be someone different or hide who i was, and i made so many new friends out of it. some of us even planned our return trip together just so we could have more fun, do crazy things we never had the guts to do before. ( we even walked into a biker bar walked up to someone 2 times our agae we thought was scary and posed with funny hats on for pictures)
when you show your real self, you will gain the confidence to do what you want, and when you stop caring about what other people think, you will find yourself the center of attention. do what makes YOU happy, not what does it for others.
and it cant be about being gay, i may be a christian, but some of my closest friends are gay... justin does GREAT makeovers..lol
goodluck!!

Answer 2

Ah sweetie bless you! Believe it or not life deals us all a rough hand now and again, but you can get through it. Maybe the problem is your trying too hard at work? Besides I find mixing business with pleasure isn't necessarily a good thing, it's good too keep your life separate from work sometimes otherwise there's no line and boundary's get broken. If your partner and yourself spend a lot of time together, maybe you should try doing a few things separately, that way you'll both get to meet different people and enjoy each other at the end of it! or take the time to try new hobbies and visit new places, travel around a bit. There all easy ways of meeting new people and it doesn't have to cost the earth. If you really feel it's important to befriend your college's try inviting them round for dinner that way they can meet the real you. It can be a bit daunting making new friends as you get older but don't be nervous you sound like a lovely guy I'm sure you'll be fine, Lots of luck!!!!

Answer 3

It is so hard to find friends - no matter what your life is like as you get older. I have gotten closer to family and I have 1 friend from high school that I'm still close with - (I'm 30+) I went to college last year made a couple friends but nothing outside of school. At this age everyone is wrapped up in making a living and taking care of their immediate family... So, I guess if you had a hobbie that would be a good idea. Say if your an artist and you hang out with other artist and go to art classes. That has been a way I have met friends. I do have one artist friend - and I do hang out with her once in a while. If you have a strong interest in something - that might be a good place to find friends that you could get along good with. Good luck.

Answer 4

That happens to many people. I'm straight and married with kids and friends are few and far between. I have a few close friends from childhood. Everyone else is just an aqcuaintance.

It DOES get more difficult as you get older. People settle into their lives.

Friends often come from having something in common. Since I got into motorcycles and martial arts, I've met some friends in those areas because we have something in common. I've also met Christians at work who I have something in common with.

Try getting involved in something you like.

Also, stop centering your life around your gay identity. You're not a gay man. You're a man. That may be part of your problem. If you always see yourself as different, how will you ever find a common bond with someone?

Finally: When I was 21 I found my truest and closest friend: Jesus Christ. He really doesn't care that you're gay, friendless or anything else. He just wants you as you are. He wants you to accept him. Then he will give you acceptance you've never known. If you've had Christians reject you because you're gay, you've not seen Christ. He won't do it. He really does love you and want to know you better.

Best regards.

Answer 5

XXXXXXXXXXXX why don't you make the first move and invite a co-worker out to lunch. Go to a local park and chat with someone about their dog. Or to a store and ask a stranger their opinion on a certain item. Compliment someone on their fashion or good taste in something. The possibilities are many. The first thing you have to do to make a friend is...speak up Good luck hun

Answer 6

Go to a local pub or club and talk to people you've never met before and start conversations.Take friends you know so incase no-one talks at the start you have someone to be with, then you won't just lurch onto anyone. Be yourself, act confident and be funny. I'm sure this'll work. Good Luck =)

Answer 7

Listen i'm a woman who learnt how to get my man, and make friends, it wasn't by feeling sorry for myself, but being confident, and strong in who i am, and being fun to be with, not whinging about how life has dealt a bad hand, but by getting out there and facing my challenges...should i truly tell you what i have already picked up about you?...you do nothing but complain, you need to stop that, and accept the good and bad things that come your way, and learn, and become stronger, and stop thinking so negative, not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is going to hate you, trust me things will get better, if stop feeling sorry for yourself, then people will see you for who you really are, and like you for you...making friends has nothing to do with age. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Just go out talk to people but don't over do it stop stressing about it and you will almost certainly find people will try to make friends with you,
as for before 2005 just think f**k ya to those people,
good luck anyway i bet you will be fine.

Answer 9

What are your interests ? How about an evening class ? Some kind of dancing maybe ? Or a language ? Something where everyone will make mistakes & laugh at each other ?

Answer 10

Go straight came out wrong go forward in life dont look back make the first move with people at work or say how you really feel with them where you work