I told my husband that I need for him to be more affectionate. He say's he just doesn't think about it. I don't get that. I am a very passionate, affectionate person and I don't understand why he is this way. I know he loves me and he's said he'll work on it, but I haven't seen a change yet. I guess it's just him, he's never been really affectionate, except for in the beginning. Does it just fade after a while or what? I know I can't change him, but how can I get him to be a little mnore affectionate? Is it because women are just more touch feely than men?
2006-09-07 04:16:53 · 22 answers · asked by faith 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, do I know how you feel! I finally sat my husband down and told him that WE needed to be more romantic and affectionate with each other. We decided that at least once a day we needed to do something romantic for the other person. It doesn't have to be a gift, but hold my hand while we're watching the news. Kiss my cheek as you pass me in the kitchen. It is those little things that our 7 year old daughter will see and remember. It is also what she will expect for herself in all her romantic, loving relationships.
2006-09-07 04:22:42 · answer #1 · answered by Crazymom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a man or woman thing. Anybody can be affectionate and its up to the individual to have a affectionate side to him.
It's also depends on his level of feelings toward the person expecting the affection.
Do you know that in the beginning of the relationship everything is passionate and affectionate while dating until you get to know the person and their ways which can be a turn off and lesson affections, I am not saying this is the case in this issue but it happens.
You did the right thing by bringing it to his attention and if necessary, I would do it again mentioning that he hasn't responded with affection even after saying he would try.
Now if you know your mate or spouse isn't affectionate but is willing to work on it which is a tough task if it isn't in his character to be affectionate, you will have to wait a bumpy ride that might never end and you will have to live with lack of affection from your spouse if you choose to stay married to him.
2006-09-07 04:28:23 · answer #2 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being affectionate or not is based on how a person is raised. If the parents were affectionate to each other in front of their children, then the children will grow up being affectionate adults in their relationships. Ask him, if his parents were affectionate toward each other. My husbands parents were not and also were not affectionate toward him, while he was growing up. He says that is why he's not affectionate towards me. Your husband just might not know how to be affectionate and you'll have to teach him. Good luck!
2006-09-07 04:51:08 · answer #3 · answered by pigironsgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a dud in the affection department.. but if everything else is going fine.. don't get to upset or intense about him being more affectionate.. or it will weigh on your mind constantly and cause problems that aren't there. take what he is willing to give. you sit with him and lean on him it may satisfy your need.. maybe he will even start putting his arms around you.. go up and give him a hug now and then and hope he gives the same response. alot of it depends on how affectionate you are with him. some will respond..
but don't push it.. all in good time..I know i don't like someone grabbing at me all the time.. take a step back and see what your prioritys are.. and you may have to settle.. if there is love and trust that is the important part for a long lasting relationship. the rest is apparently all extras to him..
good luck i hope you can be satisfied with what you have or maybe you should think about your options.
2006-09-07 04:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my husband is VERY affectionate, and he says to me that I need to be more towards him. I feel like the guy, lol. Anyway, my reason for my lack of affection is probably because I have been so focused on our 3 month old daughter. I do understand that I have neglected him a little, but it isnt personal towards him. It's ME, and I can admit that. So, dont think that you are doing anything wrong, b/c you are probably doing all that you can. Just communicate your feelings and see where it all goes. Good luck.
2006-09-07 04:21:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kimmie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that it is not a man /woman thing but a personal preference...some people need physical contact more than others...even infants prefer one way or the other...If you expressed it is important to you ..he should make an effort...but don't expect it 24/7...Maybe you back off your affection some and he will reach out for you...
2006-09-07 04:21:31 · answer #6 · answered by electrosta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it depends on what is going on in your lives. if you are a stay at home wife and he is putting in long hours at the office he may not have time to think about what he can do toy be romantic. And believe me it requires thought on our part.
most women were raised thinking about love and romance. they have read about it , dreamed about it, discussed it, maybe even fantasized about it. and men haven't done any of that.
it takes real effore and sometimes a suggestion from another woman. the problem with this is that when we hear the other woman tell us what she thinks is romantic we start to think about what she said but not with our wife but with the other woman and that can lead to trouble.
if it's really that important to you that he do these things to prove he loves you then you need to talk to him again and spell out for him what types of things you think are romantic. Make him a list of things he can do that will make you feel better about yourself.
2006-09-07 04:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people aren't very affectionate. First, he needs to increase his affections. Then, YOU need to decrease your expectations. It isn't fair to expect him to change to be exactly what you want if you aren't willing to change to be what he wants (less affectionate). You'll meet in the middle.
2006-09-07 04:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine is the same way. The only thing that works for me is to leave him alone and not bug him about it. Sometimes he actually surprises me and does something affectionate.
2006-09-07 04:20:53 · answer #9 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in a marriage is give and take. if you give him more one day, he'll return the favour. that's how relationships work. sometimes you may be the one to give 80%, and he gives 20%. sometimes is the other way around. if you want him to be more affectionate towards you, you should do something to motivate him into something that you want him to do.
2006-09-07 04:20:40 · answer #10 · answered by superboredom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋