Recently my child told me that she was an Atheist. I immediately grounded her for a month. I also told her as long as she lives here she will believe in what I tell her to. I did not raise an Atheist! What should I do?
2006-09-07 03:29:20 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
You need serious help!!! I don't mean about your kid. I mean mentally!
2006-09-07 03:52:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
How horrible!
Your daughter confided in you, most likely knowing full well that you'd be upset, and all you could think to do was ground her? You can't raise someone to be an athiest, anymore than you can raise someone to have purple hair.
Your daughter has her own mind, her own thoughts and her own BRAIN. She has come to a mature decision and even if you make her say that she believe in god doesn't mean she truely does. You can force her to go to church every time the place is open and it won't do anything but traumatize her.
What you should do is unground her, and leave her alone. Athiest's aren't bad people. That is unless you consider people who raise happy, healthy kids to be bad people. I've never seen an athiest tell their kids that if they fight god wont' love them.
You're using your religion as an excuse to hold power over your daughters life and that is wrong. She is a human being, let her live her life.
I'm not saying let her run wild and have sex and drink and do drugs.
I'm an atheist, and I've only been with one guy, the man that I'm married to, and he is an athiest, and he has only been with me. We were both virgins when we got married. And religion didn't have a darn thing to do with it(obviously). It's morals that matter, not religion.
If you don't want her having premature sex, rather than tell her that it's "against god" tell her that it's much more special when two people have sex together for the first time on their wedding night.
Just leave her alone.
2006-09-07 13:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by E's Mommy 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You don't.
You grounded your daughter because of her beliefs? That is very sad. If an atheist parent did the same to his/her child for confessing to believe in God, you probably would say that's an awful thing to do and that those parents are mean and all kinds of things like that, when in fact they would have done exactly what you did. There's no difference at all, it's just a matter of perspective.
Have you ever thought that maybe your insistence to raise your child strictly according to your own beliefs is what provoked her to reject those beliefs? It's very common, and also natural. I'm sorry (not), but you did raise an atheist, and as much as you dislike that fact, you will have to accept it and respect it.
2006-09-07 11:40:07 · answer #3 · answered by Ricardo P 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
We parents need to deal with children gently firstly, so your response was very harsh.
Why didn't you ask her why she said that and then have a little discussion with her. Maybe something happened to her or she saw something and now she dislikes God and doesn't believe He exists!
You should be the type of parent that your child can talk to about anything, say God forbid she has a major problem and she suffers just because she can't get any help from you!
Read some parenting books, you need some help on how to bring up children and how to understand them. God created us with free will and no matter what you teach kids, He is the one that guides people to the straight path.
plz try and explain to her why you got so mad and that as parents we can make mistakes and say sorry.
2006-09-07 11:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by zawja 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In a word you can't.
That is what is so great about living in a free country. No one can MAKE you believe in anything.
My guess that is your daughter is going through a phase. Talk to her and see what see really knows about atheistisum. She may have that confused with Agnostic. She is probably trying to get a reaction out of you. And guess what? She got it.
I think that you have already been too harsh on her as it is. If your daughter came home and told you that she believed that the sky is white and the clouds are blue would you ground her for that?
Without knowing your family it is hard to make a judgement on what the best thing for you to do is, but if it was me I would say to myself, that she is going through a phase and even if she isn't there are worse things she could be doing.
Over the course of your life your belief system changes. I am sure that there are things that you feel are OK now that you would have never dreamed of doing when you were 12, and vise versa.
Relax.
2006-09-07 10:40:07 · answer #5 · answered by yzerswoman 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Good grief, you seem insecure.
Your child is an independent human being, and you CANNOT tell him or her what to believe in terms of religion. You can explain your religion and why you believe in it, but it's ultimately up to your child. Grounding her will just cause huge problems for the two of you as she gets older, because you are punishing her for her beliefs - something that Christians have been claiming for years that they DON'T DO!
A belief is a very personal thing, and you are doing nothing but harm by forcing your religion on your child. She is obviously mature enough to have come to her conclusion on her own, and she is going to recognize that you have absolutely no right to punish her for choosing a different path.
For god's sake, what is you grounding her going to do? It's not going to change her mind, it's only going to make her more unhappy with you. This is not a behavior problem, it is a personal belief - and she's going to understand that it's not something that deserves to be punished. You should be ashamed of yourself.
2006-09-07 10:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
You can't MAKE someone believe in God or anything else and punishing them will just make it worse. Everyone has the right to believe in what they choose to believe.
Perhaps the reason she has announced that she is an atheist is that she's had God rammed down her throat all her life and she's just a little sick of it. Perhaps if you back off a little she might actually start to think about things in a rational way without the desire to rebel against being force-fed.
Personally I decided at quite an early age that God didn't exist and my (strictly Methodist) family have always supported and respected my choice. Their support is one of the reasons I still talk to them.
2006-09-07 10:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Punishing her isnt' going to help I doubt! Since this is listed in adolescent, I'm assuming she's a teen or about to be a teen? She maybe starting to "venture" on her own beliefs. I would suggest talking with her, asking why she doesn't believe in God anymore. Make it a fun debate though and just banter back and forth as to why you believe and why she doesn't. Suggest she research other religions and expose her to it. Let her go to different churches with friends, etc. I feel that in order to have a true firm belief in God and your religion, it's necessary to doubt it and question it as you grow up. I know I did as a teen---how can God control everything? How does God know what I'm going to do even before I'm born, etc? Now that I've doubted and researched and debated (thanks to a father who liked to debate nicely) I have more faith in God and my religion than ever at age 27. I also think that if you keep praying for your child to be shown the way, she'll have a lightbulb moment where something just clicks and she knows the truth. As hard as it may be to deal with, try to do it patiently. She's growing up and she needs to explore. I'm afraid that if you tell her no and force her beliefs, they are false and what's the point?
2006-09-07 10:54:13 · answer #8 · answered by missionhtg 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
age is a big factor.
then, their profession will affect a lot. if ur kid will become a scientist, then you have nothg more to do but to wait, because God shows himself in his work. i once heard my teacher say:
"who then makes the atoms move?"...
are u not wondering how come this world is so perfectly made?
the planet not collapse, the sun and moon not clashing?
the ebb and flow related to the moon...
the magical number of Phi (where when you measure ur whole leg and divide it by the measure of your knee to foot is exactly Phi 1.68... where you divide the length of your arm (shoulder to finger) and divide it by the length of your arm (elbow to finger) it's phi again...
how the distance between ur wrist and ur elbow is the same as your foot?
etc...
how the nature is perfectly balanced?
i believe in God, although not really Jesus being his "son"... these are different concepts... and maybe it's time to ask why he doesn't believe.
it's not a question of belief, it's a question of faith.
of actually feeling smthg more powerful.
and besides, we don't need to see God as a human, it's enough of seeing smthg larger than us, more powerful than us that watches over us... it's good enough for a God.
for me (example) God is the balance of Nature, the love in a family... it's the beautiful things in life.
we might simply see love in a beautiful painting, in a music, or simply in a creature. God is all... and not necessarally a man with beard: (like Zeus)
2006-09-07 11:53:23 · answer #9 · answered by genuineanya98 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What did Jesus do when he was confronted with the unbelief and lack of understanding of his disciples and others around him? He modeled through love and the ultimate sacrifice of his life, allowing everyone the opportunity to approach him on their own time frame.
I would love my daughter, not lecture or sermonize, accept where she is and pray! Love covers a multitude of sins...it is love that beckons us to the cross, not judgment or fear. If you are really a believer, you know that God has already anticipated this time in her life and made a provision for her.
You might perhaps examine your own motivations and reactions to be certain your anger is not centered in what other people will think (pride/fear of man) or in feeling like you're a failure as a parent.
2006-09-07 14:07:25 · answer #10 · answered by Missy A 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing WRONG with being an atheist, lady! You should be PROUD of the fact that she has an intelligent and skeptical mind, and that she can think critically about the superstitions of a bunch of Bronze Age primitives from over 2000 years ago.
Besides which...do you even HEAR yourself when you say, "She'll believe in what I tell her to"? Sounds a bit like the "convert or die" rhetoric of the Spanish conquistadors right before they slaughtered the Aztecs, or the Spanish Inquisition, or the perpetrators of the Salem witch trials!
And you wonder WHY she would reject the lunacy of your church?
2006-09-07 10:39:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋