I don't know what to do(re-post cause i didn't get enough answers the first time)?

Question

I have been with my husband since we were 16. We had a baby together when we were 17another at 19, married at 20 and had our last child at 22. I am now 28 and finding that i dont know if i really love him. He left a few days ago to go on a trip for work for 2 and a half weeks and i dont miss him at all. I like it better when he isnt home and when he is we dont really talk to each other. I have tried to keep things interesting between us but we are such different people. We have both said before that if it were not for me getting pregnant with our first child that we would not even be together.

Answer 1

People sometimes grow apart and thats what seems to be happening in your marriage. Two people should NOT stay together if things arent working out. It's not good for the kids and Im sure they are smart enough to figure out things are what they should be between you and your husband. So a divorce is probably a good ideal. However if you wish to stay married you could try counseling. Since you seem to have grown apart I really dont think thats going to do much good.

Answer 2

I would seriously evaluate your relationship with him; from what you said, it kind of sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to move on and maybe that is the best choice. Don't get me wrong, I think there are a lot of other choices you can make other than divorce; however, since you guys started so young, maybe you didn't really know what you wanted at the time. And then before you knew it, BAM! you had a kid, so the right thing to do at the time was to get married and to support each other.
The two of you need to sit down and talk this over because your children will also be affected about what happens between the two of you.

Answer 3

First off, you got married for your family. That's admirable to want to raise your children in a married, loving home. Now, there must have been some sparks there or you wouldn't have stayed with him so long in the first place. (I'm all for marriage and believe that all avenues should be exausted before a divorce is considered - - - providing no one's cheated or abusing anybody) BUT, at the same time, consider what's best for your children. If you and your husband are both miserable, your kids will know this.... why would you want to continue raising your children in a home that's filled with misery? And while divorce may be the easy way out, I really think you should try to come together with your husband on some grounds of friendship/companionship.... really try.... now if that fails.. then perhaps you should consider an amicable separation..

Answer 4

It sounds like you two have grown apart. If you guys aren't happy anymore you should move on. Both of you deserve to be happy and in love! Sit down and talk to each other and find out what is going on. Maybe he feels the same way too. Don't stay with someone for the kids, in my opinion that's the worst thing you can do. Make a list of pro's ond con's, what's good in the relationship and what's bad? See which one outways the other. Or it could be that it's just gotten boring, so maybe make a list of all the reasons you love you're husband, the reasons you fell in love with him, maybe this would refresh the love that has seemed to died. I am not sure what to tell you, only you know how you feel. But I know that everyone deserves to be with some one that they love and if you two don't love each other anymore, let each othee go.

Answer 5

You must get something straight into your head. YOU HAVE THREE KIDS TOGETHER. Your most stupid mistake was to get pregnant when you were a kid yourself. But, did it take you so many years and more kids to realise that you dont want each other? Ridiculous! Now that you are in it, you got to go through it together. The fact however remains that neither of you have opted out so far. If you are both thinking on the same lines, then sit down together and thrash it out. Dont make your kids suffer. Do things by which you can earn each other's respect. I think you must give your husband the credit that he is with you even now because of the kids. You are lucky in a way. Now, both of you compromise and do things that are good for your relationship. For starters, you note down in bold your husband's plus points on a chart and hang it by your side of the bed. Ask him to do the same with your plus points. That itself will bring about a spark of respect for each other. It is not true that only like minded couples lead happy lives. Most couples are poles apart, but when you understand that your partner is as he or she is made, and accept him or her for what he or she is, your bigger problem in life is resolved. Its up in the mind - train your minds. But it takes two to tango!

Answer 6

Sounds like you answered your own question. If you want it to work it out then you have to revitalize your relationship. Get to know each other again. Start all over. Why did you fall in love with each other in the first place? Try a new hobby together - find that common ground and rebuild from there.
You should talk to him about it - let him know how you are feeling. If you both want out then get the divorce. If you want to work it out - then work on your relationship. If one wants out and the other doesn't - try working it out = even if you don't stay together you need to be united for your children and their upbringing. Meaning if you have different households you still need common ground for the kids

Answer 7

Lo - presently i have been reporting KTT truly oftentimes, both for his techniques that women persons "deserve" to be raped, and for his direct and own attacks on Rhianna. (i do not oftentimes record Q's or A's! yet those products so crosses the line!) after I've suggested his "dirt" (apt be conscious!) i do not hassle to submit a reply, both because i'm confident it truly is going to fall on deaf ears with him and in view that i assume the question will be deleted with the help of Y/A crew. Please do not misinterpret the shortcoming of "noise" from the alties as any kind of complicity! KTT's ramblings (on all expenses - KTT/KTC/KTS) are starting to be a starting to be type of incoherent and aggressive. I want to go at the same time with him in no way.

Answer 8

If you want it to work, you should list all the detailed differences that you have and connect them together somehow. Couples who say they are too different usually find that in therapy there are only one or two root causes to be resolved as differences. Doesn't mean you have to change, recognizing the fundemental differences is more important. Usually differences will tie to one or two root causes that can be resolved if you are both willing.

If either one of you are not willing to work towards improving the relationship, then you need to figure out what is next. You can continue in this 'together but separate relationship' for the children, but ask yourself if what they are learning from your relationship is beneficial to them. Your relationship oftens drives what your children expect from a relationship when they become adults.

Answer 9

Why not try to do something totally different. Set yourself up with each other on a blind date. Pick a meeting place (restaurant, movie theater etc) let only one of you decide what your are going to do. Try to get to know each other all over again. Talk about things you don't normally talk about with each other. Maybe it will add a little spark to your life. A new Sexy outfit may also help spice up the evening.

Answer 10

You are in a very difficult and sad situation. The obvious thing to do is part ways. Unfortunately it is not so easy. You have 3 kids to think of. You have to think of how it is going to affect them. that is your first priority.

I wish there was a space where your letter could be placed so all youngsters that are thinking of having sex and getting married can see it and not make the same mistakes you made.

I am sorry but this is the best I can tell you.