If my husband really tries his best to change himself for me, should I need to give him another chance to save our marriage? My husband’s friends and also all my family in China told me that it’s only fair for him if I give him one more chance. But what if I’m unable to love him again? I can’t return love back to him that because my feeling for him is already gone year by year and day by day since I have been tried very hard to work with our marriage for over 20 years. And now also because of my mind and my heart only have my boyfriend – the man who I love, is in Albuquerque, NM. All my family in China told me that I should stay with my husband, because they worry about my husband will kill himself again if I left him. They also worry about me since I have never been an independent woman before. They worry about that I might lost everything in my life in the end if I left my husband and also if my boyfriend will no longer stay with me because he can’t wait for me so long for my divorce matters. What a miserable situation front of me? My boyfriend said that my husband and I are co-dependence; it means that we just can’t be alone to each other. Is that true? My husband said, he can’t live without me, otherwise his life will become meaningless and of cause he evidently loves me in deeply and also because he get use to dependent me for many years (that’s’ include my son), and I always take care of them for cooking and clearing, etc. As of me, I am afraid of being along because I never try it before and I also need a man to take care of me. So, that’s why my boyfriend said, my husband and I are co-dependence. In this kind of situation, I still staying in the marriage which is so ridiculous. I’m unable to love my husband again but I still stay in our marriage. Is this right for me to stay? Please give me some strength, advice and some reasons to let me go and move on to my own life! Is this selfish if I try to find my own happiness that without take care of my son and my husband? Because my husband told me that “You can’t just live for yourself that without the responsibility for your family. If so, I already left you long time ago.” Also in Chinese traditional way, people will consider that you are selfish if you do so. Is this right for our morality?
2006-09-07 02:54:20 · 9 answers · asked by Marilyn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Chances are that he will only change long enough to get you back and then it will go back to the same thing as before. It is best that you move on no matter what it cost you. Life should be happy. There is no good reason to stay in a miserable relationship. It will be better for him and for you. If you lost your trust in him you will never have it back no matter what. MOVE ON
2006-09-07 03:09:33 · answer #1 · answered by Doc Phil 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already said it. Leave him. He is not worth the stress he is causing you and your child. He sounds like a taker and not a giver. Please don't do what I did and have a 2nd child with the man who you never learned to trust and only tried hard to make things work (but how can it when it is always one sided?) My ex-husband eventually left me while I was 6months pregnant with my 2nd and I haven't looked back ever since. I thank God he did it while they were young and I could love and take care of my children without the stress and the fighting and the unhappiness he brought. My children are now wonderful and very well adjusted. Go through marriage counseling.. see if it is worth it. It just sounds like he is looking for someone to help support him and the other person doesn't sound like she can contribute much at all to his lifestyle that he wants. My ex was all about the big house, the sports car, the luxury car and the fact that my parents lived in an exclusive neighborhood... and he even tried to sue my parents for money after the divorce because he got nothing -- just another example of him trying to get something for nothing.
2016-03-17 09:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off if he is changing for you then he won't change at all. He needs to change for himself. He needs to heel his hurts before he can heel the hurts in your relationship. The hurts you feel only you can deal with and noboby else. Yes you are codependent. Read a book call Love is a Choice it deals with codependency. Basically your hapiness depends on other peoples reactions. If they are happy you are and if they aren't then you aren't. If you want your relationship to work with your husband, you need to get rid of your boyfriend and both you and your husband need to seek good solid counseling. There are more people involved then just you and your husband, your child. Don't stay together for the kids sake but I say work very hard for the kids sake. If you are a Christian, I recommend a Christian counselor and if your aren't then again, seek good solid counseling. This is a very serious issue so I would recommend seeking counseling versus advice from people on Yahoo Answers. Hope this helps.
2006-09-07 03:10:58 · answer #3 · answered by mtv8r 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you have already made up your mind. You say you already have a new relationship. I am not in your shoes so I can not judge your "morality." You sound like you want to keep both options open (boyfriend & husband) and that your boyfriend wants you to make up your mind. If your new boyfreind really cares he would be willing to wait no matter how long it takes for you to make up your mind to cut yor old ties.
My belief is that if someone has to change to make a realationship work then it is usually not worth working for. Decide and get on with life whichever way you choose,
2006-09-07 03:10:06 · answer #4 · answered by jgreaves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bla! I am so tired of hearing about the "traditional" Chinese way! I am Chinese American. Do what you need to make yourself happy! It will be better in the long run for you and your child. Don't stay in an unhappy marriage just because he threatens to kill himself! He is just saying that to keep you out of guilt! Your family doesn't have to live your life, YOU do. Live it, enjoy it! You can be independent, it may be scary, but it is so empowering. Have some pride in yourself and just do it!
2006-09-07 03:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I understand.. he's had plenty of chances.. and just now decides he wants to change ? .. no .. leave him.. move on.. if he's playing with your feelings saying he's going to kill himself that is called emotional manipulation.. you should just give him the rope and say go ahead... (not literally... but you know)... and if he does kill himself.. well it's his problem... it's not yours.. you are not happy .. he's had his chance... you deserve happiness...
2006-09-07 03:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many chances should you give him? People can't chance for someone else they can only chance for themselves. ANything your husband is doing is cosmetic. Move on.
2006-09-07 03:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope , his time has passed you gave himmchances ,now when her decides to change youre obligated to take him back ,hell no ,u do what makes you happy ,and if he kills himself thats his problem
hes old enugh to know right from wrong
2006-09-07 03:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by stiff peter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a time limit and see how he responds.
2006-09-07 05:19:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋