What do you do after you think your husband cheated on you?

Question

I want to know if there are any women out there that were 110% convinced their husband had or is having an affair? I am in this situation right now, and despite a denial of the affair from both him and her (I asked her, too), I have alot of supporting evidence that says otherwise. My question is, did you get past it? Did you ever find the strength to trust him again? Is there hope for a marriage in this situation? I love my husband and want to forgive him and trust him again, but I question everything he does, if he's away from me, I question everywhere he's been. And I know this isnt healthy. Am I in a no win situation and delaying the inevitable? And if there is hope, what can I do or me and my husband do to get past this? We've been married for 10 years, we're both 31, and have 2 kids. It's so easy for the answer to be, "If my husband ever cheated on me, I'd walk out in a second." But when you're actually living it, its easier said than done. If any1 can relate please answer.

Answer 1

I think you need to weigh how important your marriage is to you. Are you willing to stand by him no matter what? Is he willing to let her go? With no contact ever again? Is he willing to do whatever it takes to make it work? Possibly counseling? I think you have hope. And I think you can trust again.I think that the hardest will be to forgive him. You are not in a no win situation. This is your marriage, your life that the two of you have worked to make. You will always have highs and lows. Some really really lows. But in the end you need to decide if you are wiling to fight for your marriage. It will be difficult. I am speaking from experience. I am so glad that I stood by my husband. Three years ago we went through it and it has made us closer. We communicate better. now. You need to find out what was lacking to him that made him seek someone else out. Those things are normal, what is not normal is seeking it out. -in my opinion- Good luck to you.I wish you strength.It is a very painful experience. Work on yourself. You need to love yourself during this terribly difficult time.

Answer 2

It's not easy. I've been married for 18 years. Am only 36, married young. I found out recently my husband cheated on me after only 3 years of marriage. Not once either. And the shits about it is I live in the same area as one of the woman and run into her frequently. He does not know that I know. I'm trying to get the nerve to confront him but i think a part of me is scared of the answer. I know it's true but it's harder hearing if from him. So, I live with the knowledge tucked away. I don't trust him either. Sometimes I want to yell and scream and rage at him about it but I don't want to throw away 18 years. I haven't gotten past it nor do I know if i ever will. I love him and would like nothing better than to forgive him and trust him again but right now the wound is still too fresh, and in my opinion he doesn't deserve it yet. I hope you get past your hurt and don't let it fester inside you like I'm doing. It takes a very strong woman to get over something like that. I'm not that woman. I hope you are and everything goes well for you.

Answer 3

Don't even argue with him. Chances are good, he will not be completely honest. Go to a successful divorce attorney (with 10 years experience) with your evidence. If your attorney thinks you have a solid case, you could probably get out of the situation without any fuss. Plus, you could get financial support for the kids and custody of the kids as well.

But what I am wondering how you define cheating? Just talking to another person is not really cheating. Hand holding and going to a hotel, meeting at a night club to dance all night, etc is probably cheating.

Also, talk to a female friend at work or female counselor. They can probably help.

Also, did you ever think about hiring a private investigator? Look in the phone book. Go to the police department and talk to a detective. Go to the courthouse where the divorce records are kept. The females there could probably tell you a good private
investigator. They see divorce all the time...

Best wishes....

Answer 4

I would suggest prayer. You have to be at peace first. I would not suggest leaving - i don't believe in divorce. I think the vows made on ones wedding day should be taken much more seriously than they are. If you feel you are sure, again, pray. After prayer, (I am SO not being funny or making light of your situation) but get a life. Volunteer at the animal shelter, take a class...involve yourself with your life. As you move forward in that mind frame, (praying, helping others) your mind will be a little more relaxed AND (BONUS) you will become more interesting to your husband. (Not that I think you bore him - but just to snag his eye a little closer - this WORKS!) Prayer really works - so does stepping outside of your own problems for even an hour a week and helping someone else.

In the end, you make the choice to stay and work it out and keep faithful to your vows OR you can listen to the negativity and leave...hurting not only you and your husband - but your kids. If you stay and weather this thing out - you two will be stronger on the other side of this. Things always get better - but we must endure.

Email me if you want a great source for understanding men. - Seriously.

Answer 5

from a guys point of view
is that if u forgive him he has to chage stop all guys night out any and all late nites and if he refuses well good luck to u and if u stay u r telling him that it is ok and he will do it again because he now knows u will never leave
living with someone or not an out is always hard if u want to change him u will have to turn up the heat and show him u can get laid to make him jealous u dont have to go through it all the way but show him u are still a hottie too
jay

Answer 6

I've never been in this situation before, but from reading your question, i think it might be quite difficult for you to get past this until he actually admits he has cheated. If you have the evidence you say you do, then it is almost impossible for you to continue with this marriage until he comes clean. Once he does, you can start thinking about trying to forgive him and re-building the trust. If he doesn't tell you what really happened, then i think, unfortunately, it may not work out. Good luck xxx

Answer 7

that trust that has been lost is VERY hard to regain. I went though it for YEARS and YEARS. it's not a nice way to live for him OR you.

i would suggest councelling cause it's a hard and long road ahead. i dont think it's something two people can work out without a mediator due to defenses being up and denial from him.

even if he wont go, it'll do you good and make you feel more in control of yourself and the situation. if he loves you and values your family life, he'll realize there's a trust issue and join in on councelling. but first, he must admit that he's had an affair and you must make the situation comfortable for him to admit it and reassure him that councelling is what you would do if he did have an affair, not leave him.

some just wont admit it cause they dont want you to run.

Answer 8

I know a lot of people that have gotten past an affair but the deciding factor is whether or the one who had the affair is willing accept responsibility and admit culpability and is willing to do anything to keep the marriage together.You are very right that it is easy for people to say"Get out" but when you have the history you two have that is not always the best solution. I ended my marriage after I caught my husband cheating but if he had given me any reason to believe that he was willing to do what needed to be done to save our marriage,I would have been willing try but in the end,he just wasn't. I think that you need to sit your husband down and tell him what you have just told us and see what happens. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 9

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I've thought about this many times, and I don't think I would leave, because of the children and the life we've built together.

HOWEVER, I would cheat on him and wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty. Of course, given the children involved this would have to be done discreetly and sparingly.

I would accept his answer, let him think I trusted him again, and then do whatever I wanted to do when it was appropriate to do so(again, think of your kids - you can't ever let them find out or suspect or miss out on Mom in any way). I'd make sure it was with someone who was far away from my life, kids, family, friends so it could never come back to haunt me (business trip?) and so that this could always be my dirty little secret, saving my heart from sitting there and questioning my husband.
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Answer 10

So why might or no longer it is considerable to tutor infidelity just to get divorced? If he provides financial protection now, then a decide might assume him to offer that once divorce. My feeling is he does not have a job and neither do you. He leaves for weeks and does not even call abode to benefit on the youngsters? great Dad you chosen to your little ones. call it quits and concentration on your self and your little ones. record for divorce so which you would be able to get an order for newborn help for the youngsters and you would be able to start getting your existence lower back on the right song. Who cares if he's a cheater. he's clearly no longer an excellent husband or an excellent father. do no longer waste from now on time.