I do keep my house clean and watch the kids all day I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old an a 13 year old that can't live with us cause hes hateful to her... he wants me to be here with my kids but nothing I do makes him happy... I love him with all my heart but I don't know how much more I can take. I know that I am a good mother and wife I jsut don't like to cook that much.. thats the only thing...He never wants to have sex he seys I act to butchy to him and he isn't attracted to that and he wantsz me to change but I have always been this way and I don't want to change...he has cheated one time but I really feel in my heart that he hasn't done it since cause we have had 2 kids since then and he does love me but help me can I keep living without love I need it...
2006-09-07 01:14:39 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all, you should be talking to him or in counseling for this. Like mentioned above, there are so many issues here.
Let me see if I can try to sort this out.
You are unhappy because
1. He works all the time, leaving little time for a marriage.
2. He doesn't pay enough attention to you when he is home.
3. He's hateful to your 13 year old, so she lives elsewhere.
4. He never wants to have sex with you.
5. He's cheated before, and even though you trust him now, it's still a thought in your mind.
On his side:
1. He wants you to cook more/better?
2. He wants you to be more feminine (dress, behavior, cosmetics)?
OK, the ages of your children suggest that only one is at home with you during the day, the 2 year old. This leaves you plenty of time during the day to do just about anything you want. If you want to try to make a marriage work, you have to meet him half way. He works to pay the bills, being a mother is a priceless but non-paying job, otherwise I'd be rich! :-)
1. Maybe take some cooking classes or get a few cookbooks to experiment in the kitchen at home. You don't have to like cooking, God knows I don't, but food is a necessity. You should at least be able to make some decent healthy meals for your family.
2. He won't be willing to have sex more often and spend more time with you if you aren't the woman he fell in love with. As shallow as it sounds, after 3 kids, are you sure that you haven't changed? You say you've always been "butchy", so either you have changed and haven't noticed, or his tastes have. Either way it up to you to get his attention again. Men can't be expected to follow us blindly, they need stimulation same as a woman.
3. When it's his day off, take the time to entice him. Start the day off with his favorite breakfast foods. Make sure you are showered, shaved, perfumed, and dressed in one of his favorite outfits. Do little things for him throughout the day, like backrubs and sweet kisses, to get his attention. Small passionate gestures over a long period of time are more likey to get your partner in the mood then asking them to turn it on at night when it's been off all day.
Now I have to ask, since he treats the teenager badly, and he has cheated on you, are you sure that you love him and want to continue this relationship? I can't answer this part for you. Only you can decide if it is worth the effort to try and keep him. I don't know if he's a jerk or a prince charming in disguise. You are the one who has to figure that out.
Maybe therapy could help the two of you here. You love him, you think he loves you, so there sounds like something is left to salvage and work with. It is up to the two of you to find the good and build from there again.
Good Luck!
2006-09-07 01:48:54 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular. working outdoors the home is not any excuse for absolutely everyone, guy or woman, to purely come abode and take a seat on their lazy *** on the top of the artwork day and assume somebody else to do all the chores. It did no longer fly once you have been living at abode mutually with your mom and dad or once you have been living by way of your self so why do you need to sense entitled to try this only on account which you're married? Even only one "toddler on the boob" is a tremendous drain on your spouse's ability and time. Plus she has 2 different older young infants that she nonetheless has to shield sixteen hours an afternoon in the time of the week and 24 hours an afternoon on weekends. you could artwork 8, 10, or perhaps 12 hour days yet she works 24 hour days 7 days a week devoid of holiday journeys, paid pass away, or ill days and elevating young infants isn't a cakewalk even however if this is not some thing which you "loathe." If it bothers you that plenty, communicate together with her and discover out what you're able to do to help shop up with the housekeeping. some thing so elementary as loading the dishwasher (a whopping quarter-hour of your priceless time) each and every night could make the adaptation between her feeling exhausted and unappreciated and her feeling enjoyed and valued. some thing that small could make the adaptation between her only no longer worrying if the housekeeping receives finished and feeling inspired to resign her priceless little "down time" whilst the toddler is drowsing and the older young infants are at college to do the wash. you additionally can take over a number of the artwork in touch with getting the youngsters waiting for college or mattress or however.
2016-12-15 04:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Machinerytech has not got the right answer-its NEVER ok to cheat,your husband cheated,you dont need too.You shouldn't change for anyone-if you change,you change for you-not anyone else.You need to try counciling,singly,or together-together would be better,he would know the extent of your feelings for this loveless marriage then and could possibly shocked into doing something constructive about it.You come across as a good wife and mother in your question,it is a great shame though that the love is only one way.BEST OF:-)
2006-09-07 01:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that he has become bored with life and your assuming that it is you that he dislikes. He may have a selfish side to him and he resents you for having kids and taking all the outside joys that he use to have. You may try to help him find another activity that you and him can do with out the kids. That could be anything from going dancing to having sex with others. You need to at least try to have a date night, that would allow you the opportunity to get all dressed up and show him what its like to be with a hot sexy woman. Good luck
2006-09-07 01:42:27 · answer #4 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if he may have something on the side dear. My thoughts are you could always find an outside activity to get involved with and see where it goes. If I may ask have you entertained the thought of having an affair?
2006-09-07 01:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by machinerytech2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So many issues, so little time. Wise up and move on.
2006-09-07 01:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by live2ride 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋