I have two children ages 3 years and 22 months. They both share a father which I am no longer with and have not been with him for nearly two years. The relationship I had with him was horrible. He was abusive and incredibly unfaithful. Almost a year ago he got married and took off out of state. I got one phone call from him two days after my daughters first birthday telling me that he was not going to be around anymore. I did not hear from him until he recently moved back into my state. He showed up at my door yesterday demanding that he see the kids. I felt that it was a bad idea because he has been gone so long and obviously never cared to check on them while he was away (no calls or letters). He was being pushy so I called the cops. My question is, since I have known him to be a real 'jerk'- should I let him have visitation with the kids? I don't think he deserves it, but I want to consider all opinions on this.
2006-09-07 00:54:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Other things that I think might facotr into the situation are- He told me that he got divorced after only a few months and is now engaged to another girl who was friends with his wife. I see this as a pattern because I was friends with the first girl he married. This tells me that he hasn't really changed, no matter what he says. He's never been there for the children even when he was living here. I am now married to a wonderful man that my children gladly call 'daddy'. My husband has changed more diapers this week alone than their biological father has ever done for them. Their bio. father says that he knows he messed up and wants another chance, but I don't think that he will ever change. I worry he might run off with the kids if I let them go with him and never come back. I could really use someones opinion thats not in the middle of this to give me a good outlook on what to do. If he should have the right to see them, then I want to have it on my terms instead of a judge.
2006-09-07 00:58:32 · update #1
My daughter is adopted. She was my neice by that marriage and had been abused and abandoned by her parents. Her father left before she was born and her mother just didn't care for her. She did want visitation though.
It's not quite the same situation but the end results are the same, a parent that didn't care but wanted visitation and our fear that she would run off with the child.
We went with an attorney. He went before a judge with us and we had a visitation schedule set up for the mom to see her child. The visitation was only during certain hours, which were determined by our schedule and the visits had to be supervised. The mom was never allowed to be alone with the child and could not take the child out of our home.
This is what you need to look into if he really wants visitation. If he has changed and genuinely wants to be in this childs life then he will put up with the inconveniences that supervised visitation will generate.
Your attorney should take the issue before the same judge that granted your divorce and gave you custody of the child. Make sure that the attorney has all the information and documentation to prove your ex's experiences since your divorce.
Does he have to pay any child support? If he does and doesn't pay it then he forfits the right to visitation in most states. If he left the state to avoid child support, a lot of states have reciprocal agreements to enforce another states support laws in order to force the parent to pay child support.
All these things need to be considered before you go before the judge to get a determination as to his rights to visitation.
I won't say it will be an easy path to take. We dealt with all the heartaches and worries for years until our daughter grew up and was able to take care of herself. She is now in her late 20s and doing great. I love her to death and wouldn't trade her for anything.
Good luck.
2006-09-08 02:12:45 · answer #1 · answered by wetsaway 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he left and it can be considered abandonment. You will need to hire a lawyer. It is difficult to keep visitation from a natural father or mother, due to it not being in the child's best interest. You will need to prove without a doubt that he abandoned you and the children. Hiring a private investigator to catch him doing things unethically, or to check what he was doing, like if he got arrested when he was not with you, etc. Get a copy of the police report from when you called the police. It will show that he can be hostile and visitation may not be that good of an idea since their is a chance of violence. Keep track of everything!!!! Make a folder and put in it whatever you think can be helpful to your case. Good Luck and maybe he will move away again and you will not have to deal with him. Try to work on the abandonment issues and look up your states case law and become familiar with it!
2006-09-08 12:11:22 · answer #2 · answered by Dylansmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should contact you Lawyer! Don't re lie on the opinion of strangers over something this serious! If he honestly wants to be apart of the children's lives after not being around and then just suddenly showing up and you don't think he has changed or fear he may take off with them then get a Lawyer and make him fight and prove he wants to be in their lives. Let the courts decide what is fair and let them set the ground rules. Then you have it in legal binding documents in case he tries something stupid plus you would then be receiving the child support as well.
2006-09-07 08:07:40 · answer #3 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a good attorney who specializes in issues like this. I am not a lawyer and do not pretend to be one, but it seems like since he abandoned you for nearly two years he gave up his rights. I do not know, if you cannot afford an attorney go to your local social services. They can advize you and probably help you in this matter. Remember social services are there to protect the childrens rights.
2006-09-07 07:58:55 · answer #4 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the courts will allow the father to see his children as long as he is normal.. No abuse, no criminal records, etc... Call your attorney and find out... You should probably ask this quesion in yahoo under the law link.. You may get some attorneys looking at your question.
2006-09-07 07:58:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET A LAWYER!!!!!!! Sounds like, and I may be wrong, but since he was abusive and unfaithful, he may want to run off with the kids just to give you a poke, so to speak. I would let the courts handle this one. Don't decide this one personally. And for God's Sake....GET CHILD SUPPORT FROM HIM!!! He owes you a lot, I'm sure.
2006-09-07 07:58:10 · answer #6 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you , my sis in law is going through a similar situation. My advice to you is to not let him see them, and if you do tell him its going to be supervised. I know they are his kids too but if he can just up and take off without thinking about his kids,well enough said. this is about the kids and if hes just gonna see them for a few minutes than take off again, that's not healthy. Good luck !
2006-09-07 08:03:21 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋