I am really pretty desperate. I have a relationship with a really sweet guy, we've been together for over two years now, and I just don't know what to do.
I feel that he isn't the right guy for me, not because he does anything wrong, but because he just isn't... maybe he isn't exciting enough, not adventurous enough, or something like that. I do love him in a way, because he's so sweet and kind, and I've gotten used to him, in a way. We know each other really well by now, and I know that he is deeply in love with me, I'm just not sure what my feelings are for him.
What should I do?? I can't tell him about any of this as long as I'm not sure about my feelings. The thougt of breaking up with him makes me really sad, but I have the strong feeling that I am missing something in my life as long as I stay with him. Any advice?
Thank you for your time.
2006-09-06 23:06:19 · 11 answers · asked by lindavankerkhof 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you all so much for your thoughts.
Just imagining a life without my sweetheart makes me deeply sad, I guess that deep inside I am still in love with him. I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him for nothing, really.
The problem is just that I have never been entirely sure of my feelings for him. Still, I enjoy being with him. I'm only 21, too young to decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and too old to switch boyfriends like underwear!
I will definitely stay with him for now, but I will talk to him.
moviebuster, your advice to try and change him is a good one, maybe a good conversation with him will "shock" him enough to try and change our relationship.
Wish me strenght, I feel I am gonna need it.
2006-09-06 23:40:26 · update #1
Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, you're just not in love with them. There is a BIG difference. And once you realize that those feelings aren't there, you're being unfair to yourself AND HIM by not being honest about those feelings. If he's not the one that you see spending your entire life with, then you need to let him go so that you can both find what is right. And if you truly care for him so much, maybe you can remain friends? It's hard to have a friendship with a past romance, but it can be done if you both care enough. Follow your instincts, listen to your heart.
2006-09-06 23:09:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely you should dumped him. Coz you are not truly love him.You are not caring as he think you are. When you leave him he would be the worlds' Happiest men do you know why??? You are unfair, unreliable, and unfaithful to him. In Fact you betrayed him. The nature of a human changes with the time. Human desires are unfulfilled. Like thirst. Every time you fulfill it. It will automatically redevelops.
You will surely find more guys but what then you will dump everyone and then there would be a time that someone will dump you like a garbage........And I hope you will know then what mean dumpster. So Leave him alone with his life ........Don't think that you will be out of this problem but Problem will automatically out of your boyfriends' life.........God Bless Him
As you proud of your beauty may be you will find more beautiful person than you and after spending much time with you he will think that I miss something in her and I need someone who will be able to fit that missing part and then..........
2006-09-06 23:34:38 · answer #2 · answered by pesific_boy_curious_2_no 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he's a great guy then your a fool. It seems like women have this notion that their going to find a young man that will sweep them off of her feet with wisps of fog behind them, and with romantic music in the background while all of her friends fall to the ground in envious awe as they see how magical their love is. Every time he walks into the room romance is in the air and your heart skips beats and you get short of breath while goose bumps pierce your skin! Awwwwwwwww. Yea, right.
You need to grow up. I remember a good friend of mine in college was dating another friend. She was this exciting adventurous type that was super pretty and the life of the party. He was kind of a shy guy, o.k. looking; nothing special, and really didn't like to take many chances. Boy he was a nice guy though and so dependable. He was a great guy to her but it wasnt' exciting enough for her. Other guys seemed to make her heart jump and after 3 years she broke up with him to date a young intern that every girl seemed to want. He was an outdoorsy type of guy and she thought he was awesome, and so did her freinds.
She thought she had it all with him and became his wife: a doctors wife. He seemed so perfect and loyal; and he was; but unfortunately he was also too perfect for 2 young nurses on the side. She bragged about how exciting and wonderful her husband was but in the end she found out he wasnt' that much into her and he divorced her and that was 5 years ago. No one would have ever thought he'd cheat but he was a wolf in sheeps clothing.
The "boring" guy she dated has been married, has a succesful business with 2 kids and is as happy as can be. He married a very extroverted beautiful women and she got him out of his shell. She made his relationship a secure one and saw that she would never have to worry about being hurt by him. He's still shy but she has opened up his world and he likes to do more things than before. They are so content and happy and I'm so happy for them.
My other friend who dumped him years ago said, I shouldn't have taken him for granted. I thought I had this puppy dog that worshipped the ground I walked on and I took it for granted.
What's funny is that when she got divorced she actually looked him up and out of respect for his new wife, he told her to never contact him again. She says to this day the worst thing she ever did was break it off with him. Her heart was and is broken. Exciting is overrated. Dont' crow about how much more someone cares about you because the very person you take for granted today, could be the person you regret losing tomorrow.
2006-09-06 23:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some answers in life and decisions in life are hard to make.. this would be one of them, the way i see it is you have love for your male friend too, whether it is love of a lover or a friend is debateable..
my honest opinion would be that you need to make sure you are sure of what you are feeling.. any decision you make could change your life permanently.
You need to talk to him... In a relationship Communication is the kay to it, without it you dont really have much.. be honest with him.. but first you need to be honest with yourself...
im sorry but i cant help you figure out your own feelings.. but thats something it is clear you need to do...
2006-09-06 23:12:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey in a realtionship u communicate, list down 5 questions that wud make u want to spend the rest of yr life with him, list down all the things why u wud nto want to spend the rest of yr life with him, and then take a good look and think praticle and logicle and make yr move
2006-09-06 23:42:20 · answer #5 · answered by haboba13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling, if he is not hot on you and if he is not inclined to take you in his arms and kiss you, then I think he is good for nothing. He is just passing his time whereas on the other hand he i s not treating you in the manner which he should have done uptillnow. A perfect match is the one guy with a one girl who love each other and do intercourse sexually and kiss each other. If they don't do that, it means that something very essential is missing. So please ask for hism foregiveness and say him Good bye.
2006-09-06 23:13:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I reckon you shouldn't give up on him just yet. I reckon you should (for lack of a better word) try to change him. Invite him to adventurous and wild places yourself. Maybe then he'll get hooked on all the stuff. If not, then you should definately talk to him about it. If he truly loves you, hell do something about it. If not, then i guess its time to throw in the towel.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-06 23:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by moviebuster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
today u may feel breaking is rite but., later part in ur life will be sad
because u will be loosing something though u have everything., u wwill not get a husband as ur lover is.., ur husband may love u because u r his wife..., but as of now ur lover form him its just trust on u.., that makes him mad of u.., so think twice breaking is easy...., but the one who loves u a lot is really great...,
take care
2006-09-06 23:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by uma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i think you should carefully balance your feelings for him so that he wouldn't be hurt deeply if you will say it to him earlier becfause if you will let yourself to do it like a game, i think he would deserve a very well reason so that he can accept it for himself... as long as you are not telling him what you really feel, he will think that you really in love with him very deeply in your heart... if you are confused, i think you should have a cool-off for the mean time just to have time to think about what you really feel...
2006-09-06 23:15:01 · answer #9 · answered by cool_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately i have no advice for u. I just wanna assure u taht u r not the only case.. im livin the same thing as u.. I even had doubts about me bein lesbian coz he doesnt excite me enought:(
2006-09-06 23:09:38 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋