I have an extremely BAD situation. I am helping my 14 year old niece with her homework pretty much on every week night. We only live a few houses away from each other. The problem is her parents, my brother and sister-in-law, need me to help her with her homework. At the same time, they rush their daughter to come home early. She usually does her homework at my house. My niece is young and innocent, she likes sitting next to me just like a little kid wanting to sit close to an adult. I sense that my sister-in-law and brother feel that there is something sexual going on between me and their daughter. The feel that I am having sex with their daughter or soemthing and maybe their daughter isn't telling them that. I am a HUMAN BEING and NOT AN ANIMAL and I would never do such, besides, it is sick, she's my niece. I am sensing everything that's going on but I haven't said a single word yet. What is the best way to handle this situation, and have you ever been in a similar one?
2006-09-06 20:51:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If I want to confront them it is going to be ALL BAD. We'll never talk to each other again or we'll never even look at each other again. What is the best thing to start with? Should I quietly move away? What is the best thing to do without burning any bridges. My 30-something years of life hasn't taught me how to handle a situation like this yet. What do I do? What do I say? Please help!!! Please think of some very "sound" advices. I want things to work out.
2006-09-06 20:54:04 · update #1
Maybe you should come up with a reason not to be available during those hours? I wouldn't do something as serious as moving away...you don't want to uproot your life because of something you're only sensing. Join a gym or volunteer somewhere, so that you don't get caught in a "lie".
Good luck!
2006-09-06 21:07:50 · answer #1 · answered by prayinfroggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go and speak to your brother and sister-in-law about the situation. Tell them that you have noticed that there is some tension between you and you think that it involves your niece. Ask them if there is any problem and if so, why they feel that way. Suggest a solution to the problem e.g. that your niece no longer do her homework at your house but maybe at a library were you can also be present to supervise her. The situation you are faced with is tricky and sensitive because it involves family.
2006-09-06 21:03:32 · answer #2 · answered by Diablo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to confront them, ask them calmly if there is any reason that they are rushing her home, and if this has anything to do with a lack of trust. Watch their body language as they answer the question. They are relatives and you should be able to judge them well enough if they are hiding anything.
If you have any doubts about the answer they have given you, the next time she comes for tutoring, politely tell her that you have some things to do and will not be able to help her for a few days. This may not seem fair to her but it a part of the gentle plan to discove3r just what is going on. Keep 'being busy' until one of her family come to ask you what is going on. Tell them that you have started a small internet business and that you need to build the base up for a short while, so they will need to pay a tutor for a couple of weeks. --Then tell them to be careful as there are some shady people running tutoring businesses and they should pick carefully. Again watch the body language and meme=orise their response to think over later.
This will be the second time you have approached the subject with them so they will most likely be a bit more edgy, if they retort in any way then you are well within your right to lay down the law about the moral ethics that you hold. And more to the point the fact that they are asking you to help their daughter with her schooling whilst at the same time showing you mistrust behind your back. Tell them that this is not appreciated one bit and if they want you to continue to tutor her (which from the sounds of it you seem happy to do) then they had better come up with a way that things can be resolved so you are not being judged.
A good course of action is for them to drive both you and her to the local library for study sessions and then come to pick you both up.
If there is no good response to this then you can tell them outright that they are neglecting their daughters education as
A: They should be able to help with the homework
B: They will not give you their trust to continue tutoring her
Unfortunately only they can resolve an outcome for you as everyone has different thoughts, fears, and emotions though for you to move away quietly or hide in the shadows, from what you have said about them so far they will more than likely take this as a plea of GUILTY.
You have to front them, but you are obviously smarter than them so if you are genuinely concerned about people who do not even trust you or your morals -play your cards right.
If you want to discuss this further you are welcome to email my yahoo adress from profiles.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-06 21:14:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never been in that kind of situation but if ever I'm undergoing the same dilemma, the best thing to do is try to talk to your brother, I'm sure he will listen. I know that you only have good things in mind for your niece but you cannot also blame her family if ever they'll act that way, many unbelievable things happen this days. So to keep things clear, you have to reach out for them and try to talk, to clarify the issues. Let them know that you have no bad intentions to your niece and that all you want to do is to help them. Let them know that you are hurting for that accusation or even if its only a thought. Let them feel that you are family, not an enemy capable of hurting their baby.
2006-09-06 21:07:41 · answer #4 · answered by Bartypurple lass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is simple, invite your brother and sister in law round for dinner one night and explain how you feel - if everything is as uncomplicated as you have said then there should be no problem.
But maybe there are other reasons that you do not know about - maybe your niece is not as innocent as you believe, maybe she has done things in the past that make her mother and father fell protective about her.
I do not know the relationship you have with your brother - but i would just talk to my brother privately about such a thing - maybe over a beer in the bar first, then invite them both round to talk about it.
Good luck
2006-09-06 20:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by kel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that if your own brother wont believe you when you say there's nothing like that going on, then the fault is with them. As for them thinking your niece just isn't saying anything, explain to them that's because there isn't anything to say.
It could also be possible they dislike that she may regard of another adult in a parental view. If that's the case it's also not your fault. But he is your brother so you should be able to talk sense with him and explain she just enjoys your company and you enjoy her's.
2006-09-06 21:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by zooba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself... are you slightly attracted to this girl? It's not 'sick' if she has hit puberty and looks like a young woman, it's only sick if you go through with it. Even if you are not, it is obviously not a good idea for this young girl to be coming to your house almost every night of the week.
If she is 14, she shouldn't need homework help every night of the week. If she is doing that poorly, it is probably best that she fail and get to spend another year learning the lessons thoroughly.
2006-09-06 20:56:34 · answer #7 · answered by marklin1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since no one has said anything to you, just wait. at the moment, give every reason possible to avoid helping her with the homework, let the father do it. u might land in serious problems wen u are innocent. Just stay out of their way.
Another thing you can do is maybe you should instead go to their place to help her instead of her coming to your place, that way, the message will go accross loud and clear without you saying a word. One thing you should NOT do is bring up the topic.
Good luck
2006-09-06 20:56:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are PERCEIVED as doing what they think, then it's the same, in their minds. I'd suggest discontinuing this immediately. It's not that important to help out with the homework.
Use some sense here, man. I can't believe I'm the only one telling you this, and I don't think a lot people on Yahoo Answers have much understanding.
2006-09-06 20:59:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you train your niece to sit properly, because it is okay if she sits like this with you but just imagine if she sits in the same fashion to some other guy, what would happen?
So instead of cursing your brother and his wife try to create a situation whereupon they dont think in the same way..
Dont be hyper-sensitive because if you had been in their place you might have thought in the same way, they her parents and they are thinking because they are worried..
Always put your feet in others shoes and then think..
2006-09-06 20:59:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋