I met my fiance almost three years ago knowing that he had a son on the way (his son is now 2). I am marrying him under the knowledge that because of that, I am going to have to deal with his ex-gf for the rest of our lives. However, he and I have made the decision that no matter how well we are getting along with his ex, we are always going to be seperate, loving families. Yes, we may babysit each other's future kids occasionally and have a dinner with both families there, but we are still going to be seperate families. So far, this has worked. John is not confused as to whom his dad is, or his mom. We are all friendly, but we have our own lives. Why do people keep telling me that I should go the extra mile and include his ex and her husband in just about everything? We don't do it, have never done it, and there has never been a problem. John is not traumatized by having two homes. Why do people keep telling me that I'm wrong?
2006-09-06 20:33:48 · 16 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I give you alot of credit. What you are doing is awesome, and it i sworking. People have opinions, and that is all they are, is opinions. You keep doing just what you are doing, and don't listen to everyone else. It is your life, your family, and you need to do what works for you. Let them take their own advice and apply it to their own lives! You are not wrong, you are awesome! Good Job!
2006-09-06 20:55:36 · answer #1 · answered by Tina G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think my brother and I were two of the luckiest children ever to go through the kind of divorce my parents went through. My parents and their spouses had the most civil relationship I've ever know for divorced people. I'm not saying they are the best of friends, but they are FRIENDS non the less. If there was ever a birthday for my brother or me, it was not un common at all for all 4 of our parents to be there, getting along. To this day when I host dinner parties my mom and her boyfriend are there, and my dad and step mom are there. They have the same friends so they see each other outside of "the kids" and there has never been a problem. They didn't include each other in EVERY detail, but they made sure it was the best possible situation for a divorce. My friends are still in shock/jealous of how normal my divorced family is!
2006-09-07 03:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My parents are divorced, and while they both live in the same town, they live separate lives and only get together for such occasions as weddings, birthdays, and events when my siblings and I are involved in a major way...sometimes that means spending Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners together :)
No big deal.
I think your friends are worried that it will be bad for the child if their biological parents don't get along. So many times you hear horror stories of one parent poisoning their child against the other.
All you can do is just reassure those who asked that there is no mindwashing being done, nor any poisonous arrows being flung.
I wish all stepmoms were as level-headed, and as nice, as you sound.
2006-09-07 08:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by Matilda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will only have to deal with the ex until the boy is 18 and you do not have to include her in anything, as long as you are respectful to her, for the boys sake, other than that you owe her nothing, you don't owe her any babysitting and she does not owe you. The best thing you can do is only deal with issues with the son, and let your bf do most of the dealing.
2006-09-07 03:41:53 · answer #4 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont listen to the ones without real knowledge.
Its ok now?
Or is it more to the withins at hand beyond this i must ask.
(the withins are the real deal,thats everythings start and the next move is steared as the pounding goes on.
Identify the pain in your world. who has it and why?
And the chance to get on better with the pain source after you seen its opening is great.)
Cause if you are comfy as the days falls why so stressed by the blabbers?
If they pestering you have your right to set your boundries and be
angry or if you are, and tell these pests to be a little moderate in
chewing YOUR beef.
happy village!
2006-09-07 04:03:22 · answer #5 · answered by idiotjim 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What they are telling you to do, it's WRONG!! Do not get too close with his ex! Or you'r are going to have problems between John and you. Keep it the way you have it! I have a granddaughter and it breaks my heart; one weekend, with my daughter, next weekend with her father!! One holiday with her father another weekend with mom. Now she's startting to wonder where does she belongs. She's 13 years old.
2006-09-07 03:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by alfonso 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, most people are full of crap and can't manage their own lives. It sounds like y'all have a good thing going right now. Buy the people that are stressing you a can of shut the hell up and go with your heart. You will sleep better if you do.
2006-09-07 03:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by up all night 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, dont worry about what other people tell you, my sister went throught the same thang and never gave in to what other family told her and now everything is fine. So do what your heart tells you.
2006-09-07 03:37:33 · answer #8 · answered by J-LO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it ain't broke don't fix it. Tell them to but out, who asked them anyways? If there is peace why go and ruin it? basically what you are looking at is a bunch of busy bodies that don't know how to fix their own problems so they want to fix yours, even if there isn't one.
2006-09-07 03:42:32 · answer #9 · answered by really???? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if the kid WERE traumatized, that wouldn't mean that YOU would have to see more of the ex.
2006-09-07 03:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by A Box of Signs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋