what can i do to make him want me like he used to. to make him feel the same insecurities he makes me feel? i love him, but i want the tables to turn for once. please don't give smartass responses.
2006-09-06 19:46:07 · 11 answers · asked by mercedes1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Come on Mercedes1. Don't you feel that a better use of your time would be to work on self improvement and developing your character? If he makes you feel insecure its because you ARE insecure. No one can make you be what you're not. Plus you should want to do this for yourself...not for him or anybody else. The way i see it you are placing too much of your priorities in your feelings for him. He seem to be your reason for living and what you are all about.
That is not good!
You owe yourself much more than that. Why don't you set down and set some goals and values for yourself. Develop a mental awareness of yourself and refuse to be dependent on someone else to make you feel whole. He might be gone next week, or next month, or next year.
Then what?
Now is the time to step into yourself and redefind your character. Began to love yourself. Regain your dignity and refuse to let any man be your ruler. "To thine own self be true".
2006-09-06 20:05:17 · answer #1 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One of the biggest problems with any long term relationship (including marriage) is that although time makes you more comfortable with each other it is possible to get so used to someone they don't seem as exciting as they once did.
What makes you think he doesnt still want you like he used 2.
Just because he isnt ripping your clothes off the minute he comes in the door?
There may be many factors involved. He many have new stresses at work, bills he is worried about, health of a family member he is concerned with.....lots of things can contribute to loss of interest that have nothing to do with you.
Have you tried asking him? An open and honest conversation can do wonders.
Let him know about your concerns/insecurities.
In the meantime, love and support him. Try a new hairdoo, nightgown or meal. Rent his favorite video. Let him know you care and are there for him.
Even a simple thing like colored underwear or bra can give a new lift and add a little spice to a relationship.
2006-09-07 04:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by mslider2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not make him feel the same insecurities that he makes you feel. Why would you do that? You know how horrible that feels so making him feel like that is just more likely to make him keep doing that or get even worse. When you love someone, you don't want to make them feel bad.
It sounds like most of the problems in this relationship are from a lack of communication. There isn't any. Have you told him that when he does this, it makes you feel like that? Talk to him. You sex life is not going to be good - or even existent or worth while with all of this other stuff going on behind the scenes. I don't know what he is saying to you to make you feel insecure but your security should not be based off of his words- you have to have confidence in yourself and be secure -not because of him. Is that why you stay with someone who makes you feel so badly - cause you think you need him or something?? You don't. There are plenty of men who would love you for you and appreciate you and not make you feel bad - why settle for that?
He sounds like he is not even worth the effort of some new lingerie, spicing things up,etc - the problem is deeper than that. Something else is going on that is making him act like this. And - that something else is not your fault. If he cared about you he would not make you feel bad - and why do you want to make him want you again when he treats you badly??
I would need more info about him putting you down to write anymore but from what you did write, I would find a new man. Love is all about trust, communication, caring, love, support -and it sounds like he is lacking all of these. You are worth a hell of a lot more than this - so build your confidence back up - who cares what he says??!!!?? And then - leave him - move on. You can be happy and appreciated and loved. You don't need this. He does not appreciate you and obviously takes you for granted. Don't worry about doing anything to make him feel anyway at all. He has to do something to fix his problem -this is not about you. Maybe you can go to couples counseling or something to try to work this out.
Good luck :o)
2006-09-07 02:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ignore him. Be happy. Do things without telling him (like shopping and so on). When you stop paying so much attention to what he's doing wrong to you and start paying attention to all the things that YOU are doing right for YOURSELF, he'll start to notice. You lost your confidence in yourself and obviously in your sexuality. Retake your power and do the things you need to do for yourself, he'll start to take notice and like seeing the old you. Give up trying to make him feel bad because if he is very confident in himself you'll never succeed by allowing him to put you down. Don't worry it'll come back his way maybe not from you like you would like but maybe at his work from his boss or client or whomever he works with or for. Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. Be careful be confident
2006-09-07 03:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by Nikie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make him want you like he used to by letting him want you the way he used to. Notice the play on words here
I know you love him. Show it. Make special dinners, treats, and tell him you love him.
Don't feel insecure. You have youth and health. He will see that and don't want the tables turned and make him feel insecure. Be sweeter, nicer, more understanding, loving, positive. Try it for two weeks and also throw in a new sheer nightie and some new perfume and an extra hug, kiss,and a back rub. Good luck
2006-09-07 02:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by misty_blue2u 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I know how this feels...if you find something good...let me know! I also sometimes feel I want to turn the tables just for once, but from experience men don't handle this very well and it ends up being more damaging to the relationship...I quess all we can do is talk, and find a creative way to make them listen..Good Luck :)
2006-09-07 02:51:25 · answer #6 · answered by Issabella 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If your've tried to talk with him and it hasnt gotten you anywhere. Then I wouldnt be concerned about what he's thinking/feeling. Put your concern into yourself. Obviously he doesnt realize your value, because perhaps YOU dont. Put stock into who YOU are, and what YOU want and need. If he cant fill the bill, move on.
Please dont waste your life in trying to make someone love you.
2006-09-07 02:53:28 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
be whaT U R THEN THE TABLE WILL AUTOMATICALLY TURN the other way
2006-09-07 02:59:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree. If you sing that song it should work.
2006-09-07 02:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
there's nothing you can do..its his decision..
2006-09-07 02:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by zimran!!.. 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋