My family background is Indian and I am 26. I have a Masters in Software Engineering (not Sociology). My parents are some what traditional and would like me to marry by next year. They've been looking for some people and there was this one person I liked alot but her aunt did not like me so it didn't get far.
My parents introduced me to another girl who is really sweet and nice. I've met her twice and gone on 1 date with her. It's not possible to request additional dates as her parents will not approve. She does have some short comings.
1. She forms no opinion of her own
2. She is afraid of her sister. When her sister is present, she is too afraid to talk. I am not sure why but maybe she's afraid she'll make a mistake and get a lecture later on.
3. Once she thinks she has an idea, she will not change her mind. She will set it in stone
My concern is
what if I meet someone better than her? At the same time, I'd hate to lose her if I end up with someone worse then her!
Thank You
2006-09-06 19:22:57 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some additional details: she thinks im clever and funny and mindful of my environment because I always pick up small details.
She has a college degree in Medicine but sometimes feels that I am interested inher because of her degree.
Her parents want to move to the US. She does not have a greencard or citizenship. I am a citizen.
2006-09-07 11:29:38 · update #1
It sounds like you are from a family which believes in arranged marriages, which is a foreign concept to me, but I have seen statistics which prove it seems to work.
I don't know what your goals are for marriage. Some people believe in marriage for convience or for tradition, and who am I to say otherwise? Many arranged marriages work out very well, and even if the pair does not love each other in the first place, they grow to love one another. If that is the case, then this girl sounds like she would be a tolerable and honorable partner, and marriage really is kind of like a role of the dice - your choices are limited to who is available to you on any particular role. But if you believe you will only be happy for a marriage for love, love based on a compatibility, then you must figure out a way to marry for love - because marriage is, after all, a life changing event. And this girl's personality flaws seem to be a deal killer for any kind of marriage based on love or initial compatibility.
Whatever you do, please decide the first question first - whether you CAN marry for tradition and not for love. If you think that this is possible for you, then proceed based upon who is a possible partner; use social networking to find out who is an option before making a decision. However, if you think that you really want to marry for love, then please don't marry a person you find dull and scared because I can almost guarentee that at some point in your life you will find a woman who is not dull and scared, whom you will admire - and possibly fall in love with. Please don't put your arranged wife in the position of having to see the fact that you are in love with someone else, or to be cheated on, because you were not responsible enough to know when you got married that you wanted to be married for love based on compatibility.
2006-09-06 19:36:58 · answer #1 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very smart, so I'm sure when I point out that number one and number three do not match you will come to a different opinion on the girl. I do think marriage should be built on more than 2 visits though.
Are you looking for an Indian girl? Do you prefer that she is of Hindu religion and a traditional family? I know a free online community where you could chat with a lot of girls like that, girls to make your family happy and to make you happy. It is by invitation only, so if you are interested you may contact me and I'll tell you more and maybe invite you to join.
2006-09-07 02:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by theinfalliblenena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you are feeling. I am the oldest child in my family and the pressure is on! I think it seems like you should not end up with her. If you are doubtful enough to post on Yahoo and wonder if you will meet someone better than her, than your heart is not set where it should be. I am a girl, but I can still understand you and tell you that she is not the one for you it seems. But I don't know all your details and what not since I am not your friend. I would suggest talkin with close friends or siblings about this. Good luck!
2006-09-11 00:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by iamtired 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the info in your letter you live a very strict life regarding parents input on whom you are to marry and who will marry you... this in my opinion is not worse nor better then western countries... just a bit different and not sure if our upbringing would truely reflect good judgement...but possibly help you formulate a solution.
There will always be someone better... or so we think, but who is right for you? Who will put up with you is more like it. My wife tolerates me... love... yea... but we (men) usually all marry above ourselves. We would live in a cave if it weren't for our loving wife.
You are caught in a situation where it seems you must submit to everyone elses guidlines and your's last. This isn't wrong just different.
Ever see, "Fiddler on the Roof." when the man asks his wife if he loved her after 20 some odd years of marriage (arranged marriage)...
A classic rock song... I think by the group, "Heart". is "What about love?"
What about love in this arraingment.... sweet and nice are good starters.. what does she think of you? Sweet and nice or dorky and odd? or does her opinion count?
I do think alot of strength in a relationship is from maturity by those involved. Maturity involves the ability to see value in each other and in opportunites in every day of living... by both pulling on the same end of the rope. Maturity means changing diapers, playing with the kids, cooking dinner.... and this is you I am talking about... helping your future wife by pulling at the same end of the rope...
What says you wait for the PERFECT wife and she dies the next year of cancer or dies the next day in a car wreck? There are no certenties in this world... the perfect book cover may house the worst story... you never know how your life would have been, better or worse... it is what it is and sometimes that's it.
At 26... what can anyone say to you that you probably already know in your heart that is right for you..... It is your life, Live.
2006-09-07 02:59:55 · answer #4 · answered by Maken trax 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...it seems like this girl isn't right for you because you don't seem to actually "love" her. trust me, somebody else will come that is right for you. Try to find out more about this girl if you want but she doesn't seem right for you. You are talking about her as if shes a take it or leave it but when u find the right girl (which you definately will in 1 year) you'll only have "TAKE HER!!!" on your mind. This girl doesnt exactly seem to fit you. Hope I helped! Good Luck!
~SmS~
2006-09-09 10:47:59 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Pyar Ki Pari♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually I ask people are they in love. I dont know if you are but that should be the ultmate question. Hoever it sees getting another date with her will be impossible so leave it. Someone that you will adore and love will come along
2006-09-07 02:26:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
contd:
i got engaged few months and my story is similar to you, and i am happy with my fiancee.
"if i end up.." Seriously if you like her, say yes, dont think of anybody else ever, if you dont like her say no. Also if you get engaged you going to see some changes later on in your relatiosnhip but still dont start looking anywhere else, or they will fry you.
2006-09-07 05:09:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋