What's wrong with spanking your kids?

Question

I'm not saying hitting or heavy beating, just a spanking for behaving badly? Why is it so frowned upon these days?
Shoo, I'm alright, love my parents but I still remember the spankings I got when I got out of line.
Whachu think?

Answer 1

I think it teaches children that might is right! Adults are bigger and stronger than children. When adults hit, they send a message, "because I'm bigger and stronger and you rely on me, I have the right to be violent with you when you break rules or displease me." What sense does it make to spank a child while shouting, "Don't hit your sister!" No wonder many people grow up practicing domestic violence. Even a dog can learn without being beaten.

Children have minds. They respond to positive reinforcement and random rewards. Even Pavlov's dogs did as much! Unfortunately, this takes a lot of time and patience that most adults don't seem to have.

I raised my son without spankings. He was not spoiled. I used behavior modification. I witheld things he enjoyed when he misbehaved and restored them when he complied or when his time for consequences had been served. For example, when he was very young I read to him every night. If he was especially good, we read a couple of books. If we were out and he misbehaved, I would tell him he was in danger of getting a sad face when we got home. He'd fall out like he was an abused child! Sometimes so much that I had to explain to other people what that meant.

A two sided face hung on his bedroom door. One side was happy and the other was sad. When he was two, made the door hanger together while having a discussion about what made us happy and sad. I explained the consequences for a sad face telling him it made me sad when he didn't listen to me or if he didn't obey me because it was my job to keep him safe.

When he made it through the day with a happy face we went through a bedtime routine of bath, cuddling, reading his favorite book in his room, a hug a kiss and a goodnight. A sad face meant he got everything in the routine, except the story. He mourned those times. They became few and far in between until he was too old for sad faces! Recently he took an exam and scored 100% in the Language Arts portion. He has always excelled in this area because I associated it with pleasure early in his life.

When he got a little older, sometimes I had to deny myself the pleasure of being someplace with him that I was enjoying by leaving immediately after he exceeded his limit on warnings to behave. We left movies in the middle, restuarants with food unfinished on our plates, play dates and family gatherings. It takes some self-sacrifice to teach a child to behave.

Was he perfect throughout his life? NO. He lost his mind as a teen just like every other teen does LOL! He got into his fair share of mischief; but now he's on the right track. During his period of teen insanity, I continued behavior modification by grounding him. He was never any worse than children who were spanked. He has never disrespected me. We have always been close and remain so today. He has turned out fine.

Raising a child like this takes time and patience. Spanking is a short cut that makes the parents feel better. It only teaches the child violence and fear.

Answer 2

Children need discipline, alot of the time verbal will be enough but if they step to far out of line then yes, a smack can be the ideal way of reprimand - IF DONE THE RIGHT WAY. Only one slap, around the lower back. Then give it a rest and just show them your angry face and offer your hand in the threatening pose. They get the picture pretty quick and then that gesture takes over from the smack. Occasionally they will get cheeky and think OH WELL another hand gesture. Then smack them once more so they know that the gesture is real.

As for people frowning upon it, my only theory is that they have been over punished the same way when they were children and expect every person that raises an open hand to bash their kids.
Then you have the other group who will quite happily smack their kids all day behind closed doors and through their feelings of guilt, look to blame others in public.

I was in a supermarket checkout one day and my little 2 year old (never stops running and falling) had a bruise on his forhead from where he thought it would be fun to climb into his high chair while no one was watching and - you guessed it - hit the floor. This couple behind me started muttering to each other about how bad we must be as parents for punching someone so young. WELL my blood boiled to breaking point, I turned around and said calmly that I would appreciate him to repeat the overheard accusation to my face. He turned white and stated that he had said nothing. LOSER !!

So there you have it. Most people like to think that they are the ideal parent, and any little thing they can pick on someone else for to make them feel better (whether real or made up) about themselves is great so they will seize the moment.

Answer 3

Absolutely nothing! With spanking you bring up a disciplined child, a child with respect, a child who has a better chance of being a succesful person in life compared to the one who never recieved any spanking. I was spanked when I was a child and I never understood why but I now I am grateful everyday that I was disciplined that way. Grounding the child, making them face the wall, preventing them from watching TV, taking away their favourate thing is not discipline - it's just a parent who does not know how to discipline or is too much of a coward to do so.

You want a well-behaved child, spank the kid, it's the right thing to do. Do you want spoiled brats or discipilined kids? It's your choice, in the end you have to live with the decision you have made.

Answer 4

I think society frowns upon it due to the possibility of abuse.
My children were totally different... my daughter would respond to "time out" or the naughty step --- my son -- very hyperactive (diagnosed ADHD -- it just didn't work, and an occassional tap on his behind or a swat of his fingers to not touch the HOT stove or whatever harmful thing he was trying to do..was the only way to get him to stop.. I tried removing him from situation -- by physically moving him... but he'd still come back and to do whatever it was that had caught his attention.

Coming from a family where we did get spanked and not always lightly, I tried to shy away from that since I didn't want my children to experience.

As I stated we tried all sorts of things and finally to my distress - we tried spanking ... and it did stop behaviour. I kept that in my arsenal but only as a last resort --would try everything else. My motto was to never spank when I was angry or mad.... not fair to the child ---- and only if the other steps didn't work and he was in physical harm or he was endangering his sibling or other children.

Answer 5

Times have defintely changed what worked back then doesnt do anything now, its a waste of time and just ends up tramatizing the child. Its easier to take something of importance from the child rather than give them a spank on the hand (or behind). How do people spank their child enough to make them cry or just a tap and how could you consider even doing this it is so wrong. YOU might of turned out okay, but I cant look into my daughters eyes and lay my hand on her, its sick. Also children arent rebels because of no spankings, its because both parents are working or single moms are raising their babies and have no time for family, they are too busy. House mothers should get paid by the government so they can stay home and raise good kids.

Answer 6

Is it bad, or is it not? Spanking forces children to behave because they are in fear. If that is what you want, then it works very well.

If you want a child to learn to behave correctly because he/she knows how to use self-discipline, that is an entirely different thing. Teaching that is very difficult, and does not work as fast as spanking. Self-discipline is a concept that works very well in a civilized society. If you want to help establish a civilized society, and help your child function in it, then spanking is counter-productive.

If you want instant obedience, spanking works. Decide your goal, and that will tell you if your method leads to the final goal, or is just a band-aid that won't last long.

Answer 7

hey, when i got spanked as a kid (back in the '80's), i probably deserved it (usually only if i did something *really* bad, like hit my younger borther when we fought lol then, we usually both got it haha!).

granted, i wasn't beaten or anything, either, but got the point across .

nowadays, i'm sorry, but parents seem too lazy or too busy to be bothered to discipline, or they just medicate their kids, or have a nanny/babysitter look after them. not ALL parents, but some. more "some" than i'd care to think... that's sad...

and some of the little bastards NEED a good smack! if i talked to my parents back then the way some of these little brats speak to theirs now, i'd get a good amount of soap in the mouth (at the least), but probably a smart slap!

Answer 8

I was spanked as a child and because of those spankings and the way my parents disciplined me i have a good head on my shoulders and I thanked them for the spankings I got!!...I think it is necessary but when your a parent you should kno your limits when you are angry...If my mom got that mad at me wouldnt spank me right then and there she would go cool off and then spank me..but there is NOTHIN wrong with it!!

Answer 9

Spanking is a negative action. It is believed that pain will inhibit one from doing that undesirable action again. It tends to breed anger and fear in a child. The parent is trying to force the child to do the right thing (if it is the right thing). The only way one ever really learns how to do the right thing is to understand why it is wroing to do the wrong thing and then s/he will spontaneously do the right thing on his own.

Answer 10

A spanking is okay, as long as it doesn't become abusive. A spanking teaches and creates a fear that taking a Playstation or X-Box away won't instill. It creates an air of discipline...."Don't Chip, or I'll take your Ipod" pales in comparison to the thought of a serious a$$ whipping. That is what will teach kids. A little fear is great. We aren't supposed to raise our children to love us, but to become functional, loyal, decent members of society.