Fetish question?

Question

Hi, I am a 26 year old man and have found the perfect girl. She is beautiful, smart, caring, and funny. The one problem is I have a strange fetish that I don't feel I can talk to her about. I am turned on by women sleeping or being put to sleep, whether it be with sleeping gas, hypnosis (a personal favorite), or chloroform. I would never do anything to hurt anyone. I mostly like things like that as portrayed in old spy movies and comic books and hypnosis shows. I feel guilty about having this fetish and wonder if its normal or if I should tell her at all. I would be interested in trying some role play with her but feel she will reject me and think I am disgusting if I mention it. What should I do? I love being with her an am satisfied without bringing my fetish into our sex life, however I would be even more happy telling her about it. So...yeah...that's my question. It's two fold. Is the fetish normal, and...should I tell her or just forget it? Thanks in advance

Answer 1

I've never met your girl friend, so I can't tell you how she'll react. You know her a lot better than I do, so you'll be a much better judge of that.

To me, the fetish you describe isn't that weird. Then again, the person who lived next door to me was a furry, and as of the end of last year, his girl friend's last significant other had been a girl while she was still a he. And I thought they made a really cute couple. I also go to a school that has something called Fetish Ball once a year, so I may not be representative of the general population.

The main thing is how do you think your girlfriend would react. If she tends to be pretty conservative, it might freak her out. If she's generally open to talking about sex and trying new things, then it might be a good idea to tell her. Certainly I'd want to know what my boyfriend's fetish is, but then weird fetish don't bother me in the least. Generally, it's better to be open about things with your partener, but there are also some things that it's best for some people not to know. I guess that ultimately, you have to make a judgement call.

Oh, and if you do tell her, think carefully about how you want to present it. If you make it sound like it's about them being helpless and vulnerable (even if that's what it is) that might sound a little creepy, even though I'm sure you'd never do anything to hurt your girl. Then again, some girls are into that, kind of like a bondage/S&M type of thing. But if you make it about how sweet and peacefull they look, then it's not creepy at all.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

To answer the question about you being turned on by this particular fetish, I would say that you're OK. It doesn't sound like you will act on it in any non-consensual way, so as long as that holds true, there's no problem. However, if urges build up to the point that you do want to act on them, then counseling would be useful.

To answer the other question about telling her, I would say that it is a matter of trust. Trust takes time to build. Since it doesn't seem to be a pressing matter, you can hold off on telling her until your mutual trust level is high, but it may be a good idea for her to know about it as it is a part of you and your psyche.

Don't expect her to be willing to go along with it (well, at least the put-to-sleep part). However, you will eventually reach a point in your relationship that you and she will need to be able to discuss what is important in your sex life without it being perceived as a threat. Just be able to accept any decision that she makes about it.

Answer 4

This made me a little nervous when I first read it, so I imagine it would do the same for your girlfriend. I think it is important for your partner to know what turns you on in order for a healthy sexual relationship to exist but maybe you could modify it just a bit. I would not tell her that you are turned on by women being put to sleep by chloroform or sleeping gas, just tell her about the hypnosis part. This does not sound so scary. I would recommend telling her at least this because it may drive you crazy if you always hold it back. Good luck man.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with having a fetish or wanting to role play. As long as you aren't hurting anyone and it's all consensual then go for it. As for telling your girlfriend that you like sleeping women you are just going to have to rely on your personal judgment of how open-minded she is or isn't. If you are insecure about your own fetish then it will be hard to tell anyone at all no matter how accepting the person might be.

Answer 6

Is your fetish normal? Yes. Breathe a sigh of relief. You can find stuff on it online if you search (no, I'm not going to do it for you). A surprising number of men like to watch women sleep: a situation where you can appreciate their beauty without needing to interact with them. You should read House of the Sleeping Beauties by Yasunari Kawabata (He won the Nobel Prize for Literature). If you don't LOVE this book, I will give YOU ten points.
Should you tell your lover? I can't tell. You know her better than I. I would advise caution, however. Judging by the answers here, you might scare her. Wait awhile, see how things progress. Good luck and read that book.

Answer 7

Fetishes are what they are. dont worry about the definition of normal for it. Its ok as long as you dont actually drug people and take advantage of them, and im assuming your a decent guy and wouldnt

as far as telling her, go for it. explain it to her carefully. make it clear that you havent ever and never intend to do it against her will, or beyond role playing without her consent. if she loves you, she'll accept your fetish, no matter whether she approves or not. if 2 people care about each other enough, they should be able to tell each other anything with confidence

Answer 8

In other words you want to drug a woman or put her to sleep to have sex with her? Man, you have some real issues. That is more than a fetish, it's pretty sick. I hope she runs fast and far when you tell her that one. You might want to look into the psychological issues behind your fantasy and get some therapy. This sounds like rather disturbing, resentful, hating and dangerous behavior towards women.

I can't believe how scary it is that you are wanting to gas a woman or chloroform her. I expect to see you someday on America's Most Wanted. Really creepy! Is it the power and control issue you get off on??? Same feeling for rapists. When this fantasy is a fantasy no more and you start acting this out, let us know so we can lock our doors!

It sounds like by the things you like to read that you have been having way to much of unreality in your mind and in your life. In the real world women do not want to be gassed or drugged and be unconscious so you can have sex with them!

This post is really disturbing on so many levels. And because it is the Internet, your description of yourself and the situation can be totally false. You could be anyone, pretending to be some "nice" guy. But believe me this behavior is anything but nice!

What happens when you over do the gas or the chloroform and the woman dies? Or the fantasy and excitement of just having sex with her is no longer enough? What will you do to then to escalate this behavior?

Please seek some help, professional help. You know on some level that is very wrong because you say you feel guilty about this. Go with that!

.

Answer 9

As far as being normal it depends on if you are wanting to do that to her or not. I mean if its just something u like to watch to get turned on or what ever I guess it would be whatever makes your boat float but to ask her to do that I don't think that would be normal. If you two are meant to be you will be. You can tell her if you want but if its something you are wanting her to do I don't think I would go there b/c that could and should make her want to run. Good luck!

Answer 10

i can't say that it's normal.. but what the hey, right?

i told my BF that i was a lesbian before and had a GF when i was in school.. i was afraid he'd break up with me, thinks it's gross or whatever... but i decided i have to tell him.. because i want him to know the real me.. and i did.. he frowned so i expected him to just walk out.. but he didn't he hugged me and whispered "hey do you think that woman beside our table is hot?" he smiled and said it didn't bother him because he knows i'm straight..

whatever your secret is.. no matter how unnatural or strange.. if you love her enough .. you want her to get to know you.. then just tell her.. if she loves you enough, then it's a role-playing night you're having.. :D

ask her if she has any fetish as well haha.. she probably has..

good luck!