I'm an attractive married woman. My husband likes to stare at other women all the time.?

Question

I mean its ok to look once and than look away. But he just stares and makes sure they look back at him. We have fights about his staring. He knows that guys are always hitting on me and if I wanted to I could so what he is doing.....but its just not my style. I want to leave him but he gets upset. I find his behaviour really annoying. We have 2 children ......he needs to grow up and realise that...or just leave. what do you think??

Answer 1

Many, many years ago when my husband & I were dating he was looking at another woman in a store. I grabbed his hand & dragged him over to the woman & told her that my boyfriend was staring at her so intently that I just thought he might like to meet her & get a closer look.
He turned blood red & walked away.
We've been married 16 years now & I can say that he's never looked at another woman while he's with me, LOL!
You can get upset, hurt, or angry, or you can get revenge. Do unto him what he is doing to you.

Answer 2

I have been there and I know you are living a miserable life with him. The jealousy can eat you up sometimes. If you reacted to this type of behavior from him as bad as I did my ex. I was the one always feeling insecure and wanting him to notice me more. I went through a period of feeling very needy. He would claim he was not a very mushy person. In other words he claimed he didn't like to hold me, kiss me or hold hands in public. I begin to feel no affection from him whatsoever. When he looked at other women in front of me giving them the eye; I would feel very insignificant in his life. He accused me of being jealous of every woman and hated to go anywhere with me. I felt he had to feed his big male ego and this was another way for him to put me down. This somehow made him feel more like a big man. The hurt and disrespect he put me through begin to be unbearable. It finally got to the point I was searching for something I wasn't getting at home.
After seeing a counselor because I had became so depressed; I finally realized how sick this man really was. I decided the problems in our marriage were not all my fault. He didn't seem to care about our marriage because he said the problem was all my fault and would not go to counseling with me. I filed for divorced and now I am a happier person today. I pray I will never be in a relationship like that ever again.

Answer 3

If he's staring out of jealousy that you are being hit on, as in "competition" or "gaming for points", seek professional help. But if it's just the roving eye (which all straight men have, just ask me LOL!) then it's time to kick him to the curb and move on. Sounds to me that you are so attractive that many guys try to hit on you, so at least you won't suffer from a lack of dating candidates. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Well, I think yes there does sound like a problem. But I think its one you might be able to fix, or at least try to. Number one rule of all relationships, communication communication communication. But yelling I don't think counts, so no matter how hard it is to understand don't make it a fight / yelling match, never got anyone anywhere. I would definately say you two need to work this out for the two children, no matter what people say, it will leave a mark on them. So if not for your own relationship for your kids at least try to work this out.

Now, the next question is what's going on? Why would your husband be looking at other people? Granted part of male nature is always looking around yes, but when you are married as long as you have been it is a mark of a problem if he's letting his eyes wander too hard. He's apparently looking for something, maybe you should find out what it is he's looking for. I don't know from the information you gave in your post there, but how often do you two enjoy some intimate time together? How much do you want to have that time together? How much does he want to have it? If its different then I dare say that might be the cause of the issue. My money is on that how much you both want to be together is different. I'd say that since he's looking toward other people, he might want it more often. Granted maybe there is something else going on, but thats something you won't know till you find out what is happening.

Now, I am going to assume that you truely love this man, being married to him is kinda a hint but anyway. This might take a little courage on your part, but it could give you insight into a part of your husband you haven't played with yet. It might be what gives you hints to how to solve this all. Next time you know thats happening, instead of getting all upset or disgusted or all, ask him what thinks when he does that. Ask him why he's looking at the lady over there in the red dress. Ask him why he thinks she's pretty, or what it is about her thats so fascinating. An important key is not to sound acuseing, try to make it like you want to be just as interested as he is. If he feels threatened at all, he'll clam that up, but if he thinks you are intersted too, he'll probably divulge whats going on.

Do realize that this might also be opening pandora's box as well. It could lead to finding out that maybe he likes her hair better. Easy to fix. Maybe he likes the dress more, easy again. It might be something harder, the way she looks or moves. It could be even more odd, maybe he's into threesomes, or wants an affair with someone younger. We just can't know untill you talk with him carefully and find out what is going on. You may find out what the problem is and things get better. You may find that you both need some marriage counsoling. I dearly hope that this doesn't happen, but it may be that you might have to leave him.

Honestly though, if you both have had a good relationship, and things aren't too rough, things should get better. Ask some questions, learn him more, then try and work something out. I'm thinking its probably something simple like he wants to have more fun in general. Since you both have two children I bet he's looking back in the days when you two were younger and wild and crazy and misses it. But thats just my two cents.

As a little on the side note, I could be totally off. Its happened before, often actually. I'm just going off of what my gut instinct tell me about the situation. I hope that at least some of this helps in some way. Just be careful that you don't turn anything into a fight, fights don't help. And be mindful of the children, they could be just as much in this all as you two. You are a family no matter how much you are all together. Anything between you and your husband will affect them in some way as well. I wish you all well, and that you may return to a very happy family.

(I appologize for the length of my post. Also you can email me if you feel the need to, I should have that feature enabled on here somewhere.)

Answer 5

He's trying to make you feel insecure, probably because you said "he knows....guys....hitting on you." Try turning the tables on him the next time you see a really nice looking guy say, "Damn---he's hot!!!" You say you want to leave him "but he gets upset." If he really cared about you and respected you he wouldn't be playing childish games like ogling other women. Leave him if your fed up.

Answer 6

What happened to him recently did he start losing his hair? gain weight or is he approaching 40? Men do some pretty interesting things when one of these things happen to them. You may not have to leave him if he doesn't start to feel good about himself with you he'll leave you. It's not about what you look like but how he feels he looks. I know you are angry now and rightly so. But you really need to encourage him to seek some help.

Answer 7

Ok just calm down this happened to me but I realized it was just a lazy eye I suffered from. My guess is that your husband my have the same condition. It really flarred up at the beach, due to all the sand, at the mall with all the bright lights and at nightclubs due to all the smoke. If this still happens at funerals or church he is just reading the menu let's hope he does not order!

Answer 8

So you will tell your children what? You put them through a divorce because he looked at other women too long for your liking??

mmmmmkay then.

Right, yeah, bust it all up - don't try to work it out. Throw a 'grow up' his way just to put the finishing touch on the whole annoying fiasco.

Answer 9

Well my wife would look at the woman too and then make some comment that would kill his chance.like "Your right her *** is huge" or "Ya she is a little cross-eyed but dont stare its rude" just loud enough to give her the idea that it wasnt a complement stare. Has worked for my wife....

Answer 10

I think he needs to respect you as he wants to be respected. And if he does this with you around, what does he do when you are not around? You should not have to live like that.