I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have had domestic violence issues in the past, but ever since I got pregnant 2 years ago, there has been no physical violence. We do fight on occassion and it does get down to yelling and name calling. Basically for 6 years I have been supporting him in one way or another. He works, but doesnt make much money and doesnt try to better himself. He moved to AZ with me when I had my baby. Now im stuck taking care of him basically. He has a job but works 25-36 hours a week. (I also pay for his 13yr old son to come visit) He has no savings or any plan for the future. He hasnt helped me pay rent in over 6th months. I have pleaded with him to pick up hours. Im in the process of buying my second home and I would save money by not taking him with me. He is a good dad, and I care about him. He doesnt even have a car, he uses mine. BUT , he does have money to buy cigarrettes. Hes 32 yrs old. Im 28. Should I try and make this work for my daughters sake?
2006-09-06 18:20:42 · 18 answers · asked by confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you found a loser. He's not going to change, and he's a bad role model for your daughter. If you stay with him, your daughter might look for a guy in the future like him...so be wise and dump the bum.
2006-09-06 18:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he hasnt gotten his **** together by the time he is 32 yrs old, you may as well face it he is a free loader for the rest of his life. You sound like someone with a good head on your shoulders. He is just going to keep dragging you down. My sister has a husband like that. He has lived with her for 19 years and she still does all the work and makes all the money, buys the cars, puts money into savings and he is happy living off of her. She has 2 kids who are 14 and 12 and they are oblivious to how lazy there dad is because sis takes care of business. In the meantime, he is waiting to get an inhearitance that will never come.
You only live once. Find someone who loves you and is willing to step up to the plate. You will be so much more happy.
2006-09-07 01:27:16 · answer #2 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. No. No. Domestic violence always goes in a spiral. Things will go from okay, to worse, to really bad, until there is an violent incident and then it goes back to the "honeymoon" period until it starts to get worse again.
Do you really want to set this example for your daughter? Exactly what benefit does she get from watching her mother be used and abused by a man who does not support her, help her, or love her the way he should. Your daughter will use your relationship as a blueprint for the relationships she has in her life.
A very easy way to answer this: Pretend your daughter is 25 years old. . . she comes to you and tells you that her boyfriend beats her, but that he hasn't done it in a while, that he is mooching off of her, doesn't have a car, and is not paying rent. . . what would you tell your daughter to do? Would you like to see her end up in a relationship like that? If you stay in your current relationship - it is likely she will end up in a relationship like that. I don't think it's safe to gamble that he won't be abusive anymore. "For the sake of your daughter" leave the scumbag and go make the good life you deserve.
2006-09-07 01:26:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl to me it sounds like you are doing a great job, supporting yourself your man the kids and still have enough to help his kid come visit him and on top of that gonna buy a new home! I think you sooooo deserve to get yourself out of there. As for your daughters... I myself think that is bad for a kid to be in situations like that even if there isn't any physical abuse.... just the screaming and yelling and just the unhappiness of everyone in the house is bad for a kid I believe, and I bet if yall were separated at least for a while, everyone would be happier. Now I wouldn't be saying this to you if he hasn't ever hit your or stuff like that! If that wasn't the case then ... I would just say that I think yall need to talk it out and share your feelings with each other and try to make each other see things from the others point of view... but in your case, that's not so! He has or had a short temper and you and your children just need to get away from that! You I truly believe can do ever better on your own!
Good luck!
2006-09-07 01:58:47 · answer #4 · answered by Becca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter needs a stable home with a loving set of parents. don't let her see the drama going on between you guys. It's OK that he doesn't have a good job, but at least he's working hard. the two of you need to talk heart to heart about your financial future and set up a plan for him and his earnings. If he's a good father then that is terrific because most men are horrible fathers. he's there for her and that's great. stay with him and try to compromise together. improve your communication with him.
2006-09-07 01:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should just sit him down and explain ur tired of the arguein and everything that u just want a better things in life than havin a man that can barely do for himself and act like a guy that is a lil wealthy is interested in u and maybe if he believes it he'll wanna get money to make sure he wins u over the other guy
2006-09-07 01:27:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly what is keeping you in this relationship? Staying b/c of the kids is a feeble excuse. You want your daughter to grow up watching you being miserable and her father absent even when around? Life is too damn short for this young lady. He is not getting any better. Yelling and name calling is better than physical abuse? perhaps but it is bad enough.
Does this answer your question?
2006-09-07 01:25:53 · answer #7 · answered by Pyramider 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hell Yes----you should leave him----he's definitely not worth it. He's a lazy as* freeloader. An
albatross around your neck. Cut him loose and move on with your life. He doesn't even have the decency to help with the rent. Why are you paying for his son to come visit? Your wasting your time with this person. Let him go.
2006-09-07 01:54:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for your daughter's sake?
right now she's living in an environment, where there's fighting, name calling.. and she sees her father doesn't have a job.. and that her mother is the one working to save everything.. do you really want her growing up thinking that this is the way a "family" should be?
2006-09-07 01:36:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop living for others,start living for yourself!!!
how many 6 years youth do we woman have???
if things will work,it already shd years ago
dun use the kid as an excuse for not letting go this relation
kids nowsaday is so smart tat even if u both r together,not loving or hapi,always argue,its not a healthy envoirnment for them too
all the best to u!!!
2006-09-07 01:27:58 · answer #10 · answered by Western 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋