He doesn't want to go to school. This started last year. We even changed schools thinking it would help. He does struggle some in school but not to the point where he is flunking. He is a very manipulative child, blames others and I think acts less mature than other his age (baby talks, throws tantrums, says very hurtful things)
Oh-when he is visiting friends-the parents always comment on what a great kid he is and how easy gpoing he is? I want that kid to come home.LOL I love this guy so much and want to help him as well as stop the chaos in our home.
His dad has been gone for 3months on active duty and will be gone for another year, so I am on my own with this.
2006-09-06 17:28:01 · 15 answers · asked by sleepy_girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You should take him to the pediatrician and have your doc refer him out to a therapist, counselor etc. He probably is having a hard time with his dad being gone and doesn't know how to express it. You may want to watch out for the school kids too, they can be really cruel to kids who are not "quick learners". My son had a lot of problems with kids treating him badly at school because I held him back in the 3rd grade (he was doing horrible in class and just seemed to much of a struggle for him). He was extremely withdrawn and was very mean to his younger brother. When we moved he entered into a new school his whole demeanor changed for the better. I did take him to psychologist because I felt if I could not get through to him maybe they would be of more help.But it does sound like he is angry with his dad being gone, especially if he was close to his dad! Well good luck I wish you and your son the best. Give your husband our thanks for serving our country for us! Thanks.
2006-09-06 17:50:47 · answer #1 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a few different things going on with your son. First, your husband being away on active duty has most definately affected your son. He is probably frightened of losing his dad, and may be afraid to leave you (which could be why he does not want to go to school). With all of the things on the news about our soldiers being killed and all of the terrorist stuff going on, any child would be scared. Kids see and hear alot more than adults think they do.
Second, kids in school are mean. If your son is different than other kids in any way (shorter, taller, fatter, thinner, glasses, braces, acne, allergies, wears the "wrong" clothes, etc) he will be picked on. Being the new kid in another school will only make things worse. People think this kind of bullying doesn't start until middle & high school. It starts much earlier and is far worse than anything you experienced when you were in school. Younger kids are being picked on, beat up, threatened, and bullied into trying things they shouldn't (drugs, smoking, alcohol, sex). Yes, kids as young as 10 are participating in oral sex in school bathrooms.
Third, he may have a slight learning disabilty that has gone undetected. This would affect his behavior as well as his grades. He may feel as though he is stupid and act out as a result.
I think that you need to have him seen by a therapist who specializes in dealing with kids that have a parent in the military. Your husbands benefits may cover this and they most likely can get you someone that can help. I think his dad being away is having a huge impact on your little boy. Once you deal with that, you may also want to get him a physical to rule out any medical conditions like anemia or vitamin deficiencies. You can also ask the school he goes to if they can evaluate him to check for learning disorders. Also, I would have a long talk with your son and tell him that you love him and that you just want to help him be happy. Explain to him that he has done nothing wrong and that you will always love him no matter what.
2006-09-07 01:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to the school guidance counselor for advise. This child is learning very early to manipulate you, as you have already admitted. Nip it in the proverbial bud, or the child will suffer. Get him some professional counseling. There is a reason. Find the real problem and then deal with that. It could be the father's absence.
2006-09-07 00:31:49 · answer #3 · answered by Emm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids act that way from learned behavior. If your child gets your undivided attention (at home)only when he baby talks, has tantrums or speaks to you in an ugly way he will continue to act up. He has your complete attention at that point even if it is negative attention.
Find out how to use "time outs and the naughty corner" also ignore the outbursts. Always do what you say. If you say "I'm going to make you sit for on the naughty chair in the corner if you do___one more time" you MUST follow through then have him quietly apologize
2006-09-07 00:45:44 · answer #4 · answered by GiGi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is looking for attention because he misses his father. He is apprehensive about school because being there means that he is separated from you. The last thing he wants is to be separated from another parent.
Don't change schools again because it really won't help. He needs the consistency in his life of going to school every day and he needs a regular schedule at home when he is with you so that it will make him less apprehensive.
If it helps: my rule when I was a single mother was that if you didn't have a temperature you had to go to school. Digital thermometers can't be fooled.
2006-09-07 00:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this behavior started last year, how soon did it start before he found out that his father was going on active duty? Did your husband and your started discussing the possibilities and your family became pre-occupied with the news in Iraq? How is your son copping with his father gone and is he able to express his feelings?
You may need to have him speak with a therapist.
2006-09-07 00:34:54 · answer #6 · answered by Notorious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not say how long this has been going on, but it can be pretty traumatizing for a kid to have a parent who is on active duty and kids show that they are having trouble in a lot of different ways. Have you thought about therapy for him? He may not want to worry you with his problems.
2006-09-07 00:32:52 · answer #7 · answered by Mamama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he is "normal" when he is not at home should tell you everything you need to know about this problem. Do not stand for his nonsense or you will just encourage him to continue to manipulate you. If you love him you have to enforce some consistent guidelines for his sake as well as your own. When he sees he cannot get his way through manipulation, his behavior will change. Be firm. Do not relent.
2006-09-07 00:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make an appointment with a Psychiatrist to have him evaluated for a disorder. These are all outward symptoms of an inner struggle. Something is definitely wrong and he is trying to tell you. It sounds as if it's bipolar.
2006-09-07 00:30:32 · answer #9 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter had a similar problem. Her teacher (last Yr) told me to try giving her a vitamin or something like that and pretend it was medicine and then ask a little while later if she was feeling better, if she said yes, then i knew it was in her head, if no, then i knew it was time to call the doctor!
2006-09-07 00:32:30 · answer #10 · answered by Queen J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋