He drinks almost every day until the point that he is drunk, starts exhibiting distructive behavior (tore the baby's swing apart for no reason), accuses you of cheating when you have never done so, curses at you and yells and screams at you to get out and leave, and then the next day when you have left begs you to take him back and tells you over and over that he is sorry and that he wants to change, oh and by the way a baby is involved in it, what is your opinion?
2006-09-06 16:34:21 · 30 answers · asked by Sweet Pea 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, he is forced to go to AA by his probation officer, not doing any good!!!
2006-09-06 16:41:33 · update #1
One more thing for the books, I am only 20 and have been married for less than a year, and he is 30!
2006-09-06 16:44:58 · update #2
I would recomend to you go to alanon check at the place where your husband goes to AA. I'm a recovering alcoholic and i know that until i was completely ready to get sober i followed the same pattern as you're husband. He will keep doing what he's doing until something changes for him. You cant change him... He won't until he's ready. I'm sorry you have to go through this. it sucks. I think about the people i hurt when i was drinking and its too bad your baby has to go though it too. Think about the baby and get out before it gets worse for her or him. Do think about Al non, it does help to have support.
good luck
2006-09-06 17:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, get him into rehab before you even consider taking him back. A drinking problem is dangerous to you and your baby. He must get clean, and talk to a counselor. AA meetings are great, but he sounds like he may need one on one therapy.
After he was clean for at least one month, then I would start going to therapy with him. That way you can add your input to his sessions about his behavior. The three of you (counselor, him, you) then have a better chance of working things out. His anger may have only been there due to his dependence. An abusive drunk isn't always an abusive person when sober.
After at least 3 months, if he had shown that he was willing to change and had made the effort to do so, then I might consider moving back in. I would make it a conditional thing too. The first time he got drunk and/or abusive, that was it. No more chances after this. He screws it up this time, then it's over.
2006-09-06 23:46:08 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
With a kid involved it makes it harder but you have to ask yourself if you can live with the way he is and would you subject your child to that kind of behavior. It is a hard decision to make and it won't be easy, but if he has done it this time or how ever number of times he will most likely continue to do it. All it takes is one time. Besides by taking him back after he behaved like that is telling him it is okay with you the way he behaved. I can't tell you to leave him because that is a decision you have to be able to live with but if you do go back with him at least talk to him and let him know it is unacceptable the way he acted and that if he does it again, you are leaving and never coming back. But keep in mind, your baby is seeing all of this and even if they don't know what is going on, they can sense it. I went through a divorce as well and I have a 3 year old boy. It was hard but there were many times my son knew more then I thought he knew and that was all from picking up on things he saw and just the mood it puts you in. So think about it for your child's sake and then make sure you can live with the decision in the end.
2006-09-06 23:42:34 · answer #3 · answered by misun0369 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. Is the house in both of your names?? Are you renting? You need to leave and do not look back. If you have a safety net, family, friends etc...preferably not a another man... You should take your baby and do not call or contact him in any way. You need to call the probation officier and let them know what you are dealing with as far as anger. Your next step should be getting a restraining order and file for divorce. Now, this is hard because you love him and he is the father of your child but you need to not look back or be swayed by his empty promises. He will hurt you or the baby in a fit of anger most likely if you continue on the course you are on. What if he is so drunk he does not realize the baby is still in the swing next time?? Perhaps he does not realize the baby is in the floor on a blanket? Or the baby is crying and he just can not stand it anymore??? You should NEVER leave your baby with him alone....
2006-09-06 23:53:28 · answer #4 · answered by sassilass06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even if your man is just to the point of yelling and and destroying things in your house you need to leave. the aggression will get worse and then instead of throwing objects around your house he will be throwing you or the baby. he will always be sorry the next day. if he really loves you he will agree to see a doctor and go to AA meetings. (this is after you move out) tell him you love him and want to be with him but until he turns his life around you and the baby need to stay away for your own safety.
2006-09-06 23:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by firebug_6_1 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being in a marriage like that is not worth it for you and your baby. He needs help and he has to want it for himself. Tough love is a good thing you need to stay away until he really straighens up. It will take awhile if he decides to get clean and sober. Why would you want to go back to a man who is abusing you mentally? If he decides to go to AA do not take him back right then and there wait awhile so he can get his thoughts back on track. You might want to go to alanon as well.
2006-09-06 23:51:39 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must look in the mirror, and ask.... What is the future for me and my child to stay here... Is this what I really want in life? Is there hope for Change, will he talk about entering a treatment center... If no hope, then you have to make a decision based on the future for you and your childs safety.. Good Luck for the future.
2006-09-06 23:39:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out. Get a GOOD Lawyer and know this:
If a person displays violent tendencies ONCE when they are drunk, the next time they feel violent under the influence will be worse, and on and on. He cannot say he is sorry if you are dead. Would you risk dying and having him raise the kid?
GET OUT!!
2006-09-07 07:05:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love and fear can tie you like nothing else in the world. It sounds like either your love for him or fear of him is holding you down. You must understand that next time it may not be the baby's swing, it might be the baby! He needs help! Offer to support him if he agrees to get help from professionals, but do not subject that innocent child to a drunken rage! Your safety and the safety of your child must be above everything else in your life. He may in fact be able to correct his problem in time but you don't have the luxury of waiting for his recovery with a child to raise. Seperate yourself from him and encourage him to seek help. Please be careful.
2006-09-06 23:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by annaslifetoday 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never,,,, if u are a self respect women ,,, better to spoil ur and baby's life , the only way left to live ur life happily is that... if u are Full of patience and will power... take a chance to change ur Husband...
Rather ,,,,Leave him and Build up Ur Life ....
But take one thing in ur mind always... that without a man women is very alone in this Cruel world... so u also need ur Husband to live or to struggel ur life...
so watever u taake decision keep althings in ur mind .... because that will inpact on two of ur Lives
2006-09-06 23:43:21 · answer #10 · answered by ANU 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋