I have been in a 4 year relationship andtold him I want to be single due to many, many personal issues he needs to deal with. When I am with him I feel down right miserable. But when he's away and we are seperated, I feel guilty and I miss him too. I am very confused, do I not know what I want or am I just making the wrong decision or...? Help!
2006-09-06 15:19:35 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel I tried my best to help him, but these issues are out of my hands. I feel very depressed when we are in our "relationship" but I feel guilt leaving.
2006-09-06 15:20:42 · update #1
You have but one life to live and staying in a relationship that makes you miserable is simply NOT living it. The sad reality of life is that it is simply too short to stay in a relationship or any circumstance, including a job, that is not nurturing or encouraging your growth. While it is true that couples are supposed to be there to help one another cope with their assorted issues, staying with someone who is not motivated to effect their own changes in life is an exercise in futility. Each one of us is responsible for working through our own problems and effecting changes in our OWN lives. We are not responsible for ensuring our partner's inner happiness, self confidence and self esteem. Nor are we responsible for solving the other person's problems. This sets up a codependent situation whereby you - as the healthier person in most ways - are enabling him to continue on this chosen path. Leaving him may be the best thing for him because he has to learn how to be responsible for himself. It will ultimately be the best thing for YOU so that you can live your life fully. Remember, you can only be responsible for yourself and your own needs, truthfully. Taking on someone's challenges is enormously exhausting and difficult. No wonder you are depressed.
I understand the guilt you feel. You are torn between what you know is right for yourself - getting out- and what he will believe is wrong - that you abandoned him while he had problems. But after 4 years of this, has it really been worth it to you? Are you getting anything out of it? If the answer is no, then you know that your decision is the right one. It doesn't mean you are selfish or mean, but that you love yourself enough to do what is best for you.
2006-09-06 15:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is normal for you to feel guilty and missing him. It will take at least 6 months before you will be able to move on. Just take your time and do things that will make you happy. One day you will wake up and realize that you don't miss him and you are better off. The right guy will come and you will forget all those feelings you are having now. When I tell you don't go back with him, I know what I am talking about.
2006-09-06 22:28:13 · answer #2 · answered by Lorie E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what your limitations are. Maybe you don't miss him, you miss the comfort of the relationship. Take a break from him and see what happens. You don't seem happy with the way things are.
2006-09-06 22:29:30 · answer #3 · answered by johnnydean86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are making a good decision, move on and forget about him go out with other singles, live it up, reconnect with your hobbies whatever makes you happy. be you
2006-09-06 22:21:46 · answer #4 · answered by rascal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both should go for counselling.
2006-09-06 22:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by eugene65ca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋