When I met my wife, she was a smoker. On our second date, I told her that I could not continue to date a smoker since I can't stand it. So she stopped immediately.
Six years later, she has taken up smoking again and I can't stand it. She only smokes two a day but sometimes more. She does her best to keep herself from smelling bad. When I tell her that she is being stupid, she tells me that I am trying to control her life.
I know that it is her life. I assume that I either have to live with her habit or leave her if I feel that strongly about it. Are there no other options? Is there any way for me to deal with the pain without affecting our marriage?
2006-09-06 14:58:55 · 36 answers · asked by Brad T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get counseling, both of you. There's more going on here than just the cigarettes. For one thing, you never mention whether you still love her or not. This isn't a cause for your impending breakup, but it's sure a symptom.
2006-09-06 15:05:15 · answer #1 · answered by Steve H 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know I don't like smoking and I probably wouldn't date a smoker, but I think you need to think about A) why is your wife smoking again? There must be a reason. Are there other marital problems or stresses? B) why you hate it so much? Is it really that bad, or is it a small sacrifice for you wife. C) There are probably things that you do that she doesn't like either. You just have to work around it. She made a big change in the first place for quitting. You should give her some credit. It is bad for her health and that shouldn't be overlooked, but that is her decision to make. Maybe if you tell her you don't like her smoking because you worry about her, that might give her some incentive.
2006-09-06 15:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by lukafoo74 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We truly live in a world where the rules seem to be you make me happy or you can be disposable . I am not judging you !!! I've been married more than a couple times myself . I've been observing people and human behavior more and more since I had an EXTREMELY close call with death years ago ! I say find a way to work together on this matter . If you attack her addition she will fight you . Talk to her see if she will at least try to quit . Tell her about this nice lady who you talked to who smoked for 38 yrs. and when she decided to quit she did it with hardly any withdraw . The Dr. got me on Welbutrin to curb the cravings and I got the Nicotine gum . It's been 4 months I don't even want one . { I KNEW I would never be able to quit . Guess I was wrong !!!
2006-09-06 15:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your so opposed to smoking, why did you date her at all? I don't believe that when you told her you couldn't date a smoker, she stopped immediately. Smoking is an extremely difficult habit to quit. A woman is not going to stop smoking for a man on a 2nd date.....I sincerely doubt she stopped immediately, or for that matter, if you are even married!. You just wanted to get on your soap box about smoking being offensive to you.
2006-09-06 15:41:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her how you feel about this, be honest, and try not to fight over this, just talk about it in a mature way. I think human relationships are always complicated one has to do sacrifices for the other all the time, one of you both has to sacrifice for the other in this case, but I think that if she loves you she can sacrifice a habit that could kill her ( and that she always knew you didn´t like ) in exchange for a better ( and healthier ) life together. And there´s something else, people usually smoke for an uncouncious reason, there might be something that´s bothering her, it would be intresting for you to find out what it is, I´m sure that if you two talk about it, you can sort it out.
2006-09-06 15:32:21 · answer #5 · answered by nobodysfool 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Instead of leaving what about helping her quit,because cigarette is addictive,ive been married to my husband for 8 yrs and i was smoking like her i wasn't a heavy smoker but my husband always encouraged me to quit i don;t think he never think of living me because of my habit i finally realize the reason i was smoking was due to the amount of stress i had i recently stop smoking and he's very proud of me but through all this my husband still loved me,by the way i used to hide,never smoke in the house but on my way to work or in the back yard.if you really loves her there's definetely other options.
2006-09-06 15:19:25 · answer #6 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several people I know have a rule of no smoking in the house. The smoking spouse has to smoke outside (not in the gargage). This keeps the house smelling smoke free.
If she is only smoking two a day it won't take much for her to quit, however, only she can make that decision.
2006-09-06 15:04:13 · answer #7 · answered by kny390 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both need to help her quit together.....Make it a project. If she doesn't want to quit then you have a problem and she played you in the beginning just so you would be with her. Sit down and talk to her. Ask her why she smokes, she might have some stress that you don't know about. but don't end your marraige over it. I understand that you hate smoking but pressuring her is a stress that will make her smoke more.
2006-09-06 15:03:43 · answer #8 · answered by phattybiggums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She broke the deal when she knew your position and did it anyway. What's worse is that she is beating you with it when you tell her how you feel. Tell her to not get road rash on her***when you toss her out. Deal breakers are the worst kind of partners. I had one for a long time and the longer you put up with it the worse it will get. Pretty soon she will be up to a pack a day and hacking her lungs out when she coughs cause she got emphysema from smoking. Let her have her oxygen tank as a friend as you find a deserving young lady who values you.
2006-09-06 15:20:41 · answer #9 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are seriously considering leaving her for smoking? That's pretty shallow. I could see if she was getting drunk every night or something. Anyway, try to just be supportive. Suggest healthy activities that will not allow her to smoke. But don't nag her...that is the worst thing ou can do.
2006-09-06 15:02:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm an exsmoker. Smoked for lots of years, until one day my husband really calmly told me, "honey, I love you, and I know you have this addiction, but I have to let you know that is you die of cancer, I don't think I will be able to forgive you." That was a bang on the head, he was right, and so I decided to quit. Let me tell you, thou, that I feel miserable, and I have put on 10 pounds!!! I think I was better off with my two cigarretes a day than not.
2006-09-06 15:12:03 · answer #11 · answered by avll 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋