Someone please help me, I need to know how to help my son and his wife save their marriage?

Question

They have a four year old son that needs both of them. There is no other party involved. He wants to be a free spirit and she is controlling, He wants out, but she doesn't want a divorce, she says she loves him and wants him to come home. He moved out two days ago after a fight. Please help me. My main concern is my grandson. I don't want him to be hurt.

Answer 1

I truely believe that parents have alot to do with the increased divorce rate. One of the main reasons for this belief is that parents often take the advise that many of the posters have given you, which is to completely butt out. Sure, parents cant involve themselves deeply in their childrens marriages. However, even though they will always love their children no matter what happens, they can and SHOULD step in and let their child know when they are doing something that is unacceptable.

All too often you see spouses bolting out on their husbands or wives because "they need time to think," "they are unhappy," or "they need their space." Whenever they leave, they run home to mommy and daddy. Instead of the parents telling them to get their tail back home to their husband or wife where they belong, they "butt out" and support this irresponsible behavior. Unless there is abuse or infidelity, there is no excuse for a parent to allow their kid to be so irresponsible and break such a sacred promise. Sure, all marriages don't work, but if there is no abuse or infidelity, then there is no need for time apart. Time appart can and will be had after all attempts to save the marriage are exhausted and the divorce papers have been filed!

Although what you can do is limited, you can let your son know that what he is doing is irresponsible, wrong and you don't approve of it. You can reinforce how childish and selfish his behavior is; You can tell him that a real man wouldn't walk away from his wife and child. Furthermore, you can explain to him the realities of child support; not getting to experience all the joys of the father/son relationship because he wont see his son that much; you can tell him about the fact that another man will eventually have influence on his son and more time with his son than him. Last, but certainly not least, you can remind him of the promise he made to you guys, her, all your friends, family and to a higher power that he would love his wife till death seperates them. I know, that promise doesn't seem to mean all that much anymore, but it should and you might tell him that too.

His wife might very well be controlling. I'm sure it isn't all his fault. However, NO MATTER WHAT, you can't say anything to her. If you and her have a good relationship, which I hope you do, you can listen, console, agree, etc., but you CANNOT "work" on her. If she, for one second, thinks that you placed even 1% of the blame on her, you have caused damage that will never be fixed and will have driven the final nail in that divorce coffin.

You will always love your son and he should know that. I would tell him that whenever you are giving him the tough love treatment. As a son, atleast for me, there isn't any opinion that carries more influence than my mother and fathers. I know my parents love me enough to tell me if they think I am messing up, without worrying if I will get upset. I am sure glad.

I wish you the best!

Answer 2

I'm sorry but I can't help but answer this way.... It sounds like he is a spoiled mama's boy. Maybe she wouldn't be so controlling if he was made to stand up and be a man instead of being so selfish. Maybe you should talk with your son about his responsibilities and make him take ownership of his own actions. I doubt seriously he would have married her if she was such a control freak. I think he possibly has the Peter Pan Syndrome and you are probably the perfect person to set him straight and show him some tuff love. I pray your not letting him stay at your home. You're only encouraging him to act like a child if you are. Good luck to your family and God bless.

By the way... I hope I'm wrong about what I've said and I apologize if I am.

Answer 3

Stay out of it....just be there for your son. I know that is hard for some parents to do but just mind your own business. If you need to help take care of the baby that is what grandparents do but stay out of thier situation. I promise you it will cause more confusion if you try to make them stay together. Some people just grow apart and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Just be thankful there is not another party involved or really would have a mess on your hands............sit back and be there with love.

Answer 4

Hello Peg, I just want it to let you know that Divorce is very hard in today's society and at the same time is very common. Your grandson might get hurt in the beginning but with time all wounds heal. By the way if you really want it to help, you can by suggesting some time of marriage counseling, or even the church, Best of Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds just like my situation. Between my husband an myself, oh yeah and add his mother to the mix. The best advice to give you if you don't want the child to hurt, and I have a four year old myself, stay out of their affairs. Your son and daughter-in-law are grown people. See when problems occur everyone wants to be the rescuer. Instead, those people cause resentment, and more complications. Your intentions may be well ment, but stay out of it. Just be kind to your Grandson, and see him just like you did before. Don't talk about the situation infront of the child. Just try to keep a normal routine with him, so he doesn't have even more changes going on in his life from you. You son and daughter-in-law will deal with their own problems on their own and in their own way. Just stay out of it, and don't ever try to justify one of their actions to the other. Don't take sides, and just don't talk about it.

Answer 6

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://bitly.im/aMojw It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 7

It's natural to want to help your child, by cleaning up after him. And, as you can see it is easy to justify our reasoning for wanting to do so. However, this is YOUR SON's life. And, MOM, as difficult as it is going to be, you have to allow him to live his life. Your grandson will be fine. Children are a lot more resiliant than we give them credit for. Trust that you have put in your son the grace and fortitude to do what is best for himself and those he is responsible for (his son). That is where the sum of your efforts begin and end. You have to let go. He's got to make his own choices. I know this is difficult for you to hear, but honey...you must allow him to be his own man; even if that means watching him make (what you consider) horrible mistakes. You can't want for him that which he does not want for himself (marriage). Just because he doesn't want the marriage, doesn't mean that he'll necessarily neglect his parental responsibilities. And, who knows, perhaps he and his son's mother may actually learn to be better parents as friends, than as miserable partners.

Answer 8

I can sorta relate. I tried to leave my husband and my pets were missing him, and like sad waiting by the window.. until he came back, and all was well. They really need to work it out for your grandson's sake! If my pets acted that way, a child feels SO MUCH MORE. They need to go to therapy and learn to forgive! Get some Dr. Phil tapes off his website drphil.com so ya'll can see other couples work through things! Good luck!

Answer 9

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT. NO ONE CAN HELP THEIR MARRIAGE EXCEPT FOR YOUR SON AND HIS WIFE, OR THE MAN UPSTAIRS. IF IT'S MEANT TO BE IT WILL BE AND IF NOT ,WELL THEN THEIR MARRIAGE WILL BE OVER. YOUR GRANDSON WILL BE OK. I KNOW THAT IN THIS CRAZY WORLD WE TRY TO DO WHATS RIGHT AND WHEN WE HAVE KIDS WE TRY AND KEEP THE FAMILY TOGATHER( WHIOCH IS EVERY CHILDS DREAM) BUT WHAT WE DON'T REALIZE IS THAT OUR KIDS GET OLDER AND THEY START TO UNDERSTAND WHY DADDY AND MOMMY'S MARRIAGE DID NOT WORK. ONE DAY YOUR GRANDSON WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND CERTAIN FACTS OF LIFE....

Answer 10

ok im 13 but i have seen what divorce does to the child. the kid grows up spoiled and acts tough but hurts on the inside. A best friend of mine suffers from it so i really feel for u. tell them to read my message so they can realize how it will affect their child. Ps: they dont seem like they hurt but they really do.