I've been married for a year and a half and together with the same man - i mean really together (living with, etc) for three years prior to the wedding. i am unhappy - pretty much have been a good portion of the relationship - i feel stiffled and humiliated and all that bad stuff. i know i am not perfect - it takes two to tango - but i know that it is time to leave.... so now what? where do i go? who do i contact? how long does it take? How much does it cost? who is responsible for the fees? so many questions. thankfully, even though we had been pregnant many times, the lord did not bless us with earthbound children. i still love him - but i moved into our guest room last week - one can only take so much rejection before they just quit. it wont be easy getting him to agree - i've tried before to get him out - i had to call the cops (i just wanted to be alone!).
suggestions?
2006-09-06 14:32:24 · 11 answers · asked by Amber S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there has been no physical abuse - but there is a part of me that fears him....
thank you for all your help!
2006-09-06 14:42:47 · update #1
ok - all very good advise... there are a few bumps... everything, and i mean everything owned and owed is in my name. we rent, both of our names - but our lease is up at christmas.... i offered him a very easy way out before - he leaves with only what he came in with and doesnt have to worry about any bills, etc. if he offered it to me, i'd have taken it. he refused.
horrible thing is, i have worked hard, we both have to get the things we have - and that is what the fights will most likely be about.... we have always had our own living rooms and now bedrooms.... even if i offer him his living room stuff - which is the really expensive stuff in the house - he'll still fight. he doesn't believe in divorce, yada,yada, yada.... i refuse to become an alcoholic in a verbally abusive marriage like his parents.... and i've seen the signs pointing in that direction. no he hasn't always been like this, or i never would have stayed so long. we got pregnant after two months together...
2006-09-06 14:58:00 · update #2
GO TO A LAWYER. He/she will be able to answer all of those questions.
2006-09-06 14:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are right now. It isn't fun at all being with someone that you are not happy with. I married a man that I knew I didn't love because of a custody battle and he ended up being the reason I lost my kids to my ex. The first step is to leave. You have to find somewhere to go...a friend or something. I moved out on my own away from him but I was also able to save some money up to do so. After that you can go to Legal Aide and ask for the papers to file for a divorce. They will help you by giving you the papers that you need to file with the court and they should also give you the waver for the filing fee for the courts. Then it costs neither of you anything to get a divorce. This is only if you don't have any property to settle between you. If you have anything to settle then I am not sure where you should turn. First thing is first...just get out and make yourself happy. You are the only one that can do that for yourself!
2006-09-06 21:40:55 · answer #2 · answered by pinkpuppet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, no matter what people will tell you, you have no more of a right to where you live than he does if you all are married. Whether you are renting and your name is the only 1 on the lease or you own the home and his name is not on it, it doesn't matter. If you are married, he has just as much of a right to it as you do. Have you ever seen "War of the Roses?"
Everyone says to contact a lawyer and that is all well and good, but it sounds like you all are pretty young and you haven't been married long, don't have kids, etc. so you probably don't have alot to fight over, right? Well, if not, why pay a lawyer a bunch of money? There is no need. Trust me! I got divorced, just fine, without one and my exwife and I had alot to divide up, but we did it on our own instead of giving our money to some money hungry lawyer.
The...so now what? Since you are the one "leaving," you should leave him. Move in with a friend, parent, relative, roomate, whatever...just move out.
Where do I go? You go to the county courthouse and you file for divorce. You will be given the option of serving the papers to him yourself or having law enforcement do it. It doesn't mean that he is in trouble if law enforcement does it...it will just cost you a little extra money.
Who do I contact? It may vary from county to county, but the county courthouse will tell you where you need to go and who you need to get in touch with.
How long does it take? It varies from couple to couple because people are stupid and hire lawyers which make more money the longer it is drug out, but if you all make it go smooth, it can be finished in 2 months. Each county is different, but typically there is a 6 week waiting period between the date of file and the date of divorce.
How much does it cost? If you hire lawyers, who knows? You can pay as much as you want. If you just file for divorce and get it done, it will be very cheap. Each county varies, but it is usually under $200 to file and process your paper work.
Who is responsible for the fees? The person who files for divorce is responsible for the financial burden.
btw, it doesn't matter who is wrong or right.
Good Luck!
2006-09-06 22:02:44 · answer #3 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, there are no easy answers to any of the many, MANY questions you have asked here. One thing I can tell you is that, if you think things are going to get ugly, consult all of the REALLY good lawyers before he does (that will conflict them out so that they can NOT represent him, but consult fees are usually associated with GOOD family lawyers).
You really need a lawyer here because you sound like you are pretty distraught and need to get rolling. One thing that will help your attorney is if you could list the reasons that you're leaving him. I don't mean the general reasons, but that's a good start. What you need to do, though, is to list specifics under each general heading, i.e. - "Humiliation (general header) - December 31, 2005 - called me a dumb c*nt in front of all of his family at a new year's celebration. People there were Aunt Jodie, his mom, etc, etc. (specifics)." This will help give the lawyer ideas on grounds for divorce. This may also help the attorney seek his/her fees from the other side, but you will be responsible up front for those fees and when your then ex-husband pays them, the lawyer will send them to you minus anything you owed him/her.
If it's not going to get ugly and he is fine with it AND neither of you wants anything that the other wants, it can be very cheap and easy and you can split the fees. Many (if not all) states offer uncontested divorces that are very quick and easy AFTER a certain separation period. For this information, you may be able to go to a local lawyer who does the cheap and quickie divorces (check their web sites or your local newspaper - a colleague of mine does them for $150 in my county) or you may even be able to go to a family law clinic at a local law school if you have one.
Hope this helps. Good Luck!
2006-09-06 21:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by David R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops this time and attempt a restraining order although I am not positive if they can give you one unless he's been physically abusive; that depends on your state laws.
First kick him out of the house then get a lawyer. You should go for a lawyer that specializes in divorce court and that may have the slogan "you don't pay a dime until you win the case". You can speak to the lawyer about any financial/payment plans necessary.
2006-09-06 21:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're the one that wants out of the marriage, you contact an attorney. How much it costs just depends on the attorney; they charge different fees according to how much paperwork has to be done (if you have joint accounts, a home, custody, cars, etc.). If you and your spouse are mostly in agreement with how things are split up and it's uncontested, the fees are not usually unreasonable. But again, it depends on the lawyer.
After you go to court and the judge signs the decree, it takes 120 days (at least where I live) to be final.
Who leaves depends on who's name the property you live in is under. If it's under yours, he has to go. If it's his, you should start looking for a place of your own.
If it is an uncontested divorce and you're agreeable about assets, lawyers and court fees shouldn't be more than $1000 - $2000. My last one cost $1600, but my attorney was expensive.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-06 21:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First rule, If you want out move out. Do not expect him to leave. The cops cannot help you if there is no violence. Second, you have not thought this out very well if you have nowhere to go.
Why did you get married if its been like this the whole time? Leave if you want but it is a stretch to ask him to go. Get some backbone and do it yourself.
2006-09-06 21:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well Amber, the first thing you need to do is set him down. be honest, and why did you let him back after you had called the police there to get him out?,it sounds to me like you still have strong feelings deep down,but if your truly that unhappy you need to part get an attorney,do things by the law and move on,good luck!
2006-09-06 21:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by rpoker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't have great grounds for divorce.Obviously you need to see a lawyer.If he does'nt want a divorce,I'm afraid you'll have to bear the costs See if you can apply for legal aid
2006-09-06 21:41:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you go on the DR,Phil show first
2006-09-10 18:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by jaws 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋