Do you think I should leave her or give her a chance?

Question

Hi I'm 24 and my gf is 21,
Me and my gf have been together for 2 years now, but I'm not sure about our relationship.
We live in different cities and we usually see each other about once a month, for about a week usually, and during holidays (summer,xmas,etc.) .
I found out a couple of times she lied to me. She told me she was at work and instead she was taking a walk with her friends [as she told me after I found out the truth], recently I found out she had another mobile number she used to keep in touch with her ex, "just to see if he still pursues her" but she never answered his messages/phone calls, this is what she told me. She said she did this because she has low self esteem.
[her father left her family and never ever tried to talk with her, he even exploited the fact she was searching for him to claim by his lawyer that her mother told her to talk to him in order to take his money..]
Do you think I should give her another chance?

Answer 1

That's a tough one. In the end this is only my opinion and from the perspective of an outsider to this relationship and you will have to make the decision...but perhaps I can give you a few things to consider.
1. Are you happy in the relationship aside from these questions of honesty?
2. Are you really bothered by the things that she's hidden from you?
3. Do you feel that after two years she should trust you more? (I do.)
Once again, what I view to be the most important, are you happy? And don't forget to be totally honest with yourself. I could understand that you care greatly for this girl, but ultimately she's not your responsibility. You shouldn't stay in a relationship out of guilt. You won't be abandoning her, you'll actually be doing the right thing for the both of you if your not happy. You'll be true to yourself, which is paramount, and trusting her to move on and handle her emotions herself.
I've been with my guy for a little over a year now, and we've been through a whole lot together. Stuff like a mother passing away and the other's mother going more or less crazy, family and business troubles, etc. I've leaned on him a lot and he was always there for me and vice a versa. Now we're mellowing out, leaning on each other less and I'm learning how to be by myself again. You can't be someone else's confidence or reason. You can be supportive and offer advice but that's about it. What I'm trying to say in a long winded manner is that what I feel it comes down to is whether or not you are happy and feel that you are in a healthy relationship that's worth your while.
Like I said this is a tough one, I wish you the best of luck and peace of mind.
Sage

Answer 2

Short answer. no. She sounds like a liar. Nobody keeps a phone for self esteem issues. She is not over her ex--I am sorry to say, or at least she wasn't. I am curious if yours is a rebound relationship?

Though it doesn't seem like you have a big age difference you do. People do the most changing between the ages of 18-22-plain and simply. Not to mention your relationship is long distance? I think you need to reevaluate what it is you love about her...reason being, if you let her go and she truly loves you she will come back to you...but space will not help. It may be wise to take a small break for a while and let her "explore" on her own.

Answer 3

Well, the part about her father should not effect the relationship.

The part about you catching her in lies would bother me. You have to have complete trust in a relationship. Especially when you live in different places. If you can't trust her, then the relationship will never work. Just because she has fessed up with the lies you have caught her in, what makes you think she don't have some lies you haven't caught her in, and isn't telling you the truth.

Trust, communication, and love are the foundations of a good relationship.

I would sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you are having questions about the relationship as far as trust goes. Go from there. If you still feel you can't trust her, then break it off.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Obviously trust is a MAJOR issue in this relationship. Why is it a problem for her to walk with her friends? Are you too possessive or jealous?
Why does she feel the need to lie to you? Lastly, if she is using another mobile number to see if her ex wants to keep in touch with her then it sounds as if she's not over him or is unsure that she wants it over. If she has low self esteem then she needs to seek counseling. That is not for you to fix.
You both are very young. If you have trust issues now, how will you move forward with this relationship?
By the way, I'm a Licensed Counselor.

Answer 5

You're not "together". You're too far apart, and it is pretty clear she has other interests on the side.

You need to look for a relationship with somebody you can have a full time relationship with. So the answer is "leave her".

I'm not too keen on you checking up on her like you have been doing. If it happened that you accidentally found out, that is one thing, but if you have been spending much time finding out if she is really where she says she is, then you have a problem with overcontrol and it will cost you relationships in the future.

g'luck

Answer 6

i personally think you should give her one last chance (hmmm...im comparing this as she would be on probation) and talk MORE, by the way i read your 'problem' i have a feeling that you two arent communicating as well as two couples should. if you two are really 'serious' as like in you two are gonna tie the knot sometime soon i suggest you two go into couples counseling to talk about your issues and her issues since it sounds like she had a rough childhood...

hopefully this helps and good luck

caroline xoxo

Answer 7

I would let her go. Speaking from experience more than likely she is seeing someone else.

Answer 8

Go out with another girl. Because she is out out with other guys.

Answer 9

Lose her, Bubba. Trust. Without it, you've got nil; nothing; nada.