if americans think marriage is sacred...why is there a 61% divorce rate?

Question

do they hate america and marriage?

Answer 1

No, Americans don't hate marriage. They obviously love it. I'll paste in part of another marriage question I answered recently that answers your question.

People make negative references to marriage because a lot of marriages these days have become the sequel to sex. What I mean is that if a couple thinks they have good sexual chemistry and all those hormones are raging they think they've found the one. Unfortunately marriage is supposed to be a sequel to friendship. If more marriages were based on two people who care more about the other person than themselves then marriages would last and people would be happier. People have to start expecting the right thing out of marriage. It's not a way to keep that sexual rush going. Too many people think of marriage in the wrong way. The truth is, it's the ultimate friendship, and if you expect something else out of it you're going to be disappointed.

Marriage is seen as a negative these days because it's not being used for its actual purpose. For marriage to get a better name, people have to start seeing it as more of a friendship thing and less of a sexual thing. Although sex is important, friendship and caring are what makes a marriage last.

A friend emailed this to me a few years ago when I was dating a woman who was very wrong for me. I saved the list because I wanted to remember it. It's probably the best advice I ever got. I think it answers your question. Marriage should not be rushed into and you have to figure out if your feelings are mostly about sex or not, and think about who are you most likely to have a real relationship with. I like this test alot because it is a total eye opener. It makes you realize who in your life really loves you and who you probably love. It's also cool how the test makes you realize you probably already know or are around the woman you're gonna end up marrying.

The Marriage Counselor's Marriage Test
This test helps a man determine what really matters in a woman, and which one in his life is most likely to be "THE ONE". Think of all the women currently in your life. Think of the women you are dating and have dated. Think of the women you have been in relationships with who are still single and available to you. Think of the women you talk to at the grocery store, the cleaners, on the golf course, or in the park. Think of your female friends, work colleagues, and acquaintances. If you're a single man and want to marry, statistically it is likely you will eventually marry one of these women.


If you were in a coma, who would be the one that you know would be at your bedside long after the others had gone on with their lives?

If you were paralyzed and couldn't work, do any chores around the house, go out anywhere, or have sex, which one would be the most likely to still love you and stay with you?

If you were going through a difficult time at work and had negative emotions and moodiness, which one would most likely allow you plenty of space without selfishness or nagging?

If you were to lose your car, your home, and your savings which one would be most willing to stay with you and help you build your life again?

If you were sterile and couldn't have children, which one would be least likely to bring up the subject again or make you to feel guilty?

If your parents became disabled and needed to live with you, who do you think would be most likely to accept them into your home and treat them with care and dignity?

If you had children with one of the women you know, and eventually became divorced, which one would you trust the most to raise your children right?

If you could only have one woman to take to every sporting event, every outing, and every event for the rest of your life which one would you have the most fun with?

If you had children with one of the women you know, which one would your children be least likely to wonder why you married her?

Which one makes you laugh hardest?

Who do you talk with the most?

Which one is the most interested in the same things you love, the same places you like to go, the same activities you like to do?

When you're shopping for souvenirs, who is the one you constantly keep thinking she'd love this?

When you're experiencing something new or interesting, who is the first one to come into your mind that you wish you could share it with?

At the end of a hard day at work, who would you rather unload your day's frustrations on, knowing she'll listen and care?

At the end of a night with the boys or an event where she isn't with you, which one would you prefer to come home to and share your adventures of the day?

When you learn something new, make a big discovery, or accomplish something exciting, who is the first person you think of telling?

If you were stranded on a deserted island for one year, which one would make your days pass more quickly because you were having so much fun together?

If you were stranded on a deserted island for one year, which one would you like to have lying next to you looking up at the stars?

If you were stranded on a deserted island for one year, which one would be most likely to cheerfully adapt to the situation and contribute to your survival?

When you go to bed at night, who is the last one you usually find yourself calling?

If you committed a felony crime, who would you be most likely to tell?

If each of the women you know were being mistreated by another man, which one would you feel most protective of?

Which one would be most likely to discourage you from spending too much on her, and would want you to save your money?

Which one would be most likely to accept that you couldn't afford the car she wanted, the house she wanted, the vacation she wanted, or the luxuries she wanted?

Which one is most likely to accept your flaws and find ways to make you feel comfortable about them?

If you had Alzheimer's disease and couldn't communicate your needs anymore, which one would be most likely to bring you the new CD of your favorite music artist or new movies she knows you would enjoy?

If you were blind, who would you trust the most to take care of you, make sure you had everything you want and need, and never let you feel helpless?

If you were blind, whose voice would you most want to hear for the rest of your life?

If you became impotent, which one would be the least likely to betray you in spite of her own physical desires?

If you became impotent, which one would it sadden you most to know is no longer able to have a physical relationship?

If you had a child from a previous marriage, which one would be the most likely to be loving, attentive, and accepting of your child as her own?

Which woman would be least likely to criticize and try to change your hair, clothes, car, house or apartment, pets, or friends.

If you were forced to cheat on every woman you know, except you could spare one woman from that pain, which one could you not allow yourself to hurt in this way?

If you were on a roller coaster right now, who is the first person coming to mind that you would want to experience it with you?

Which one is the most likely to be concerned about your well-being and tell you when you're doing something that could hurt you?

Which one would your family most likely say is the perfect woman for you?

If you were to die tomorrow, which one would be most likely to remember to take care of your pets?

If you were to die tomorrow, which one would be most likely to cry the hardest and cry the longest?

If you were to die tomorrow, which one would you most trust as a speaker at your wake to best communicate to everyone the value of you and your life?

Which one would be most likely to visit your grave on your birthday every year and leave something she thought you would like or that she thought would make you laugh?

Which one do you wish you could hear what she was saying when she was alone at your grave so you could know how she really felt about you?

Answer 2

Great question. Marriage being sacred and the divorce rate are different because we as a society need to defend marriage and keep it sacred. Because many people do not hold marriage sacred, they allow themselves to think that divorce is acceptable.

Here is why the divorce rate is so high.

1. The generation that grew up during the Depression spoiled their kids because they had nothing.
2. Spoiling their children did a few things: taught kids that you are entitled to get what you want, other people care what you think, and you are more important that us.
3. This focus on the person versus good values started a divide.
4. It came about for the first time during the 1960's and Vietnam. It was unheard of to act the way protestors did. The way our troops were treated was inexcusable.
5. The focus became on having a high self-esteem. Self image is good because it means that you are confident with who you are as a person. Self-esteem is the opposite of humility. It means that you think you are too important in life.

The change to a high self-esteem society is shown by having your self worth hinge on things, accomplishments, and successes, instead of relationships and right living.

Marriage is a give and take between males and females. We are wired completely different. Too many people hinge their happiness on whether you have something in common with your spouse, instead of building a home. The focus of most divorced people is whether they get what they want. It is all about me. I am not surprised by this because we raise our kids to believe they are the most important.

This is abridged and somewhat general, but it lays the foundation for why the divorce rate is so high. Once the euphoria of marriage wears off, you have to go to the nitty gritty. Most people have nothing there and do not know what to look for. We have had the baby boomers as the first generation to be raised differently. There kids now have teenagers and the cycle contiues.

Answer 3

My guess is that there are so many external forces to extinguish relationships, as well as internal dynamics of a failure to comit with discipline, respect & the inability to recognize the blessings of a true love. The values instilled throughout my youth have enabled a mature & lasting relationship with my bride for more than 38 years. I've had unique opportunities to grow emotionally, spiritually & effectively throughout my life with emphisis on Christianity, military discipline, education & mental & physical faculties. Maturity in mind & spirit is essential to achieve a good marriage. My answer is that about 61% are incapable of recognising or practicing Christianity, discipline of any kind, under or over educated & mentally or physically challenged. Yepper, that's my answer! Most folks just don't have a clue!
[Wow, sounds like I know what I'm talkin' 'bout, huh! 8-o] +2!
;-)

Answer 4

Common Law marriages and Civil Unions are included in that number. Those are not religious ceremonies. They are therefore not sacred in the eyes of the Churches. Churches now a days are trying to train people not to get married until they are ready. They are instituting marriage training classes theat last about six months to try an discuss the significance of marriage.

I am guessing that you are advotating gay marriages. Religions do not support gays marriage. You can find a rogue Church to support you but not a rogue religion. If you do then you have an argument for inclusion. If not you have the same argument which is no religion formally accepts homosexuality . That is all there is to it.

Nobody is forcing religion on the homosexuals. Why should religions have homosexuality forced upon them?

The government is not allowed to do it according to the Constitution. And, that is where that ends.

Answer 5

Its not all Americans who feel that way by the way, their is such a high divorce rate, because people have no faith in anything and are too busy trying to constantly be happy no matter who they hurt.Saying marriage is sacred by the conservatives is just a way to discriminate against gays, something they have been doing for the past 20 years.There is no reason gay marriage should not be legalized, no logical reason I'll say.

Answer 6

No, because they don't think marriage sacred: marriage is a contract, not a sentence. Too often we follow our lust, not clear on whether this is Love or not. Plus, we change, circumstances change, life goes on, whether we can keep up or not. In short, we marry too soon, for the wrong reasons, when too young, and it blows up on us. How do you get "hate America" out of this?

Answer 7

You have a very special way of asking a question, and it always makes me think, that I wish I had your understanding on all political issues and just a good all around etude, we could really use more people like your self on this site. I love hearing educated people talk, It really is refreshing. Thank you for helping with my understanding

===Peace And Love ========= Not War And Hate ===

Answer 8

I think because divorce is so common and so easy to get these days. Not only that but instead of taking the time to spend to work things out the easy out is divorce. People also spend less time interacting.

Answer 9

Most people go into marriage thinking they're going to live happily ever after. That's usually the problem. They want to live a fairy tale and that's not realistic. As soon as real life starts, they want to bail, thinking.....If the honeymoon is over, I'm outta here!

Answer 10

You misunderstand their argument.

Marriage isn't sacred. Just the definition of marriage.

Most people don't care about being internally logical or consistent. As long as they can define things so as to make everyone else outcasts, they have accomplished their purpose of making themselves feel good.

{EDIT to LordZ} Actually, many religions support same-sex marriage. Maybe not yours, but many many do. And the issue of secular legal benefits versus religious status are unrelated. It's irrational to claim that religions are being forced to accept something when the only rules being made are secular, not religious.

Answer 11

Americans dont think marriage is sacred. it simply is sacred. Americans disrespect the sacredness of marriage.