When women get hurt...?

Question

by a guy, why do they automatically assume that all men are jerks? Men of course do the same thing...they complain that all women are the same. Why can't people just keep their hurt and anger directed at that one person?

Answer 1

Basic survival requires making some associations between pain and the cause, in order to avoid the pain again. If you were bitten by a dog, you'd probably fear the next one that came along, right? Naturally, human relationships are more complicated, and we assume that every new person would be given the benefit of a doubt, but it doesn't really work that way, particularly if someone sees some similar traits between the person who hurt them and the next person they're dealing with.

The problem is exacerbated when the injured party repeats her (or his) mistakes by falling for the same type of person again, which happens all the time. People are attracted to certain 'types', certain characteristics, even if those traits are unhealthy or aren't compatible. So, the pattern is repeated, fulfilling the 'all men are jerks' belief.

Go through that routine often enough and one becomes pretty cynical, though it's really not necessarily fair, and might even be caused in part by your own decisions.

Live long enough (and smart enough) and everyone realizes that there's no one truth about either sex, you have to take each person as they are, and have to realize no one's perfect and what happens to you is largely of your own making (whether consciously or not).

Not all women, or all men, lump the other sex into one category. If you're the victim of someone's anger at a third party, then you need to let them know what they're doing and make the decision for yourself if it's worth your trouble to try to re-educate that person.

We all bring baggage into relationships. I have to deal with the fact my bf's ex cheated on him, and now he's distrustful of women. I call him out on it when he acts suspicious and remind him of why he's doing it. I also suggest he call his ex and vent at her (since he never really got the chance when she cheated) so he's directing his anger at the right person. He hasn't taken that suggestion yet, but me making it stops him when he's unfairly questioning where I've been or if someone was flirting with me, and puts things in perspective.

Answer 2

That's a good question and it would be too much like right, but some people like myself, can't handle being hurt and think that maybe the next guy will set out to do the same thing, some people aren't so trusting with their hearts, I know I'm not.
Some people are so traumatized by what their last ex did it's hard to let go.

Answer 3

Thank you! Thank you! You are right on the money! You are absolutely right! I have been burned, I have cheated on, been lied to, and I don't blame any man but for the man that did the deed. My friends do this all the time, I don't want nothing to do with the opposite sex, I swear all of them are alike...NO! They aren't no 2 people are alike. Just like being friends with girls, one girl is quilty of somthing, we don't blame the whole world of women. Just like guys, they swear off women, I haven't done nothing to you...To answer your questions...it's because they are so hurt, and so disappointed that want to believe or in some cases that if one did it, another will do it too. Not true. Just because some woman cheats on her husband, I wouldn't cheat on mine. We, are not alike, whether we really think that or they are just so upset at the time they said it, it's not true. People are people, everyone is different, we have different taste, answers, questions, and morals! No, it's not right, I don't want to lump into a group of cheating women, because I think that is horrible. I would never ever do that. So, please excuse me from that group.
We need to be judged individually not by our sex....very good questions, thank you for asking it, and I appreciate the opportunity for sounding my opinion on this.....

God bless us all..........

Answer 4

Emotionally healthy people with normal self-esteem never assume such things even when they're hurt. A woman who thinks that "all men are jerks" is most likely a sore loser.

Answer 5

My mom used to ask me this all the time because I dated so many men in my early twenties. I always told her that I did not stereotype guys - I look at each one individually. It proved to be a great skill that enabled me to date a lot, and see what I wanted and what I didn't.

Answer 6

When men get hurt...?
by a girl, who do they automatically assume that all girls are bitches. Same thing vice versa. So your question is why people are like that? Well we're people.

Answer 7

well... of course all of us, as individuals, are different. *however*, there are similarities. and therefore, it is hard to separate the general characteristics a "male" or "female" have in common, from how people, in and of themselves, may differ.

i'd say it goes a little like this:

general stereotypes of Humans as a race
stereotypes of gender
stereotypes of ethnicity/race
stereotypes of religion
stereotypes of roles (parents, children, etc)
stereotypes of how a person should be

in the end, stereotype of how YOU think you should be.

=T it is a huge pyramid..and it trickles down all the way to the tiniest thing. it is helpful, and yet it is hurtful! strange huh...human beings are strange creatures. oh if only we were just like animals..they know their job, they are born to do what they do. us however, must always reason things out. :) it is a curse, as well as a blessing!

:) i just try to live my life as best i can, and try as hard Not to judge others... its the only way i will not be disappointed in others, and i will keep myself accountable. i can't control others, but i can control how i act and react to life. and i can choose positive actions and filter out the negatives..that's how i choose to live my life. :) good luck to us all!

Answer 8

Beacuse our experiences are all we have to go by, fear of getting it again is what gets me. I don't assume all guys are jerks, just a lot of them. I for one, will not jump into another relationship lightly.

Answer 9

I dont hate all men!!! I've been hurt and never generalized all men as gerks. My husband is a nice guy, and I knew that when I met him. Just player men are gerks.

Answer 10

because that makes the feeling less valid, and makes the person feel guilty, so they misdirect their anger at others and make themselves emotionally unavailable to avoid being hurt again.