I am not happy in my marrige why is it so hard to let go and leave?

Question

I have been married 11 years and I have 3 step children and my husband doesnt help pay much of the finaces and he feels I should pay for most of them and I have taken care of his children for 11 years. I think he loves me in a way but I dont think he knows how I feel like a maid not a mother and a wife. I want to have a kid of my own but he is not able to produce anymore sperm because of his medical condition.I am serious I dont know what to do and I have tryed to ask him to go to conselling and he wont. I try and try and dont get me wrong i dont feel sorry for me I just want to be happy
Please some one give me an honest answer? Thanks

Answer 1

I think the problem is that he may love you but he doesnt know how to love you the way that you should be loved. If you want to walk away then you should the reason why it is so hard is that maybe you feel as if you have given up or failed. If you have truly given it your all and you have done everything you can think of to tell him that your marriage needs help then you havent failed and you havent given up you tried and that is all you can do. A marriage is supposed to be 50 50 not 20 40. Goood Luck and i hope everything works out the way it should for you.

Answer 2

You are a martyr..11 years is normal for 2 married people to have that ups and down... 10 -15 years are the hardest part of married life... It is the years of agony, more trials, bitter trials pains etc..,,,,

But this one is different,,, he has 3 children and none of you... You are indeed a martyr.. I don't know if I will pity you or admire you.
But if he cannot help pay much of the finances and you should pay for what is not yours..
I think this is absurd,, unfair on your part..
I am sorry to tell you this, but that is how I feel,,
You are not even the mother and yet, you are trying to be the one... and he is not helping you.
Sorry, I think he is just using you after all those 11 years.. and you do not have a child of your own because of his health..
You are indeed a martyr.
My honest answer is: depends on how you go along with it..
Leave him.. seek for a divorse,,
There are still men out there who will be willing to accept you since you did not yet conceive or have a child, I do guess you are still in the condition to have chilcren of yourself.
Best of all ask for legal advice.

My answer does hurt..because it hurts to leave a person you so love for 11 long years.
But think of it.. did he really loved you.
Or just used you, when you are not even a mother and a wife.
11 years is too long enough..
Unless you want to continue being a martyr.. Go ahead, that is your life,, and that is your choice.
Good luck and GOD Bless you.

Answer 3

With great risks come great rewards... It's always tough to get up and leave your life behind when you don't even know where you're going next. Having children is a heck of a thing to compromise on; if you give up this dream, you will regret for the rest of your life. Deep down I think you know you deserve better, it's time you figured out exactly what you have to do. You can't fix one mistake by piling more mistakes on top of it. It might have been a mistake for you to marry this person, but you won't fix it by making another mistake of staying in an unhappy situation. Good luck. Learn your lessons, and look for someone who's interested in a partnership and a family, not just a live-in maid.

Answer 4

Well the reason you cant just up and leave is because that is all you have known for 11 years. It would be hard for anyone i think. Plus you were once in love with him but things and people do change after marriage. My grandmother was married 4 times. It take a while to find the right one. My only advice is either get couples counseling or get a divorce. There is not much else you can do. And you don't deserve that lifestyle anyway in my opinion.

Answer 5

I loved a man with a child and extended family- I spent years of my life caring for them both and dealing with his baggage- it was love but it almost broke me- leaving him was sooo hard-- I still have the scars-- I morned for years-- however- it was the right thing to do- honestly-- I thank God for the strength to have done it--I got a job, I went to college, got my life together- and I am blessed in the life I have now-- I don't regret a day I was with him or his child- I will love them forever and they shaped who I was and am today-- but we were better apart I believe- if your spirit is being drained and your life is begging for change--please listen to your heart- you can still be a great stepmother and stand on your own--- you are not alone in this because we are out there--you can do this- and your fire will burn greater and higher and do more good in the end-----the best :)

Answer 6

I am sure the step children have something to do with your staying. If your paying most of the finanaces anyway why don't you consider taking them and being free of him. He won't improve. And frankly he sounds like the typical pig who will stay a pig, and you have a right to be happy, Dont let some pig of a man take that from you. Be blessed.

Answer 7

i hit my limit about this time last year (8yrs married, 4 boys) couldn't get any help from anyone, felt like it was all on me, and they kept taking and taking, until i broke, i packed my car up told the boys love ya but I'm tired. spent a little time away, and when i came back they knew i was serious, more for him then the kids of course. i felt like the only way was a divorce, but we made it threw, yea i feel bad, but i got my point across that they were making me feel bad, and if you dont like it change what your doing. I'm not telling you to leave your man, but i think after awhile, they really, really dont hear us, and so we have to show them. just my 2 cents

Answer 8

Being together for that long of time has too mean something. You should be honest with him and tell him how you feel. I was in a relationship for 13yrs (since high school) and she told me one day that she didn't want to be with me... If I knew that in any way I was disappointing her, I would have done anything to save our relationship....You need to tell him how you feel and hopefully its not to late....GOOD LUCK

PS
A relationship is 50/50 he needs to do his part financially and emotionally. Having a child of your own is a great feeling but, for the childs sake and yours make sure you are in this relationship for the right reason.

Answer 9

I can NOT see why leaving such a situation is hard. I would be OUT of there!! Your raising his kids and he doesnt help much with finances. Hon...file for divorce and maintain a relationship with the kids if possible. THis is ridiculous!!

Answer 10

If he is not willing to work on your releationship and you've honestly tried to get him to do that, you should cut your loses no matter how painful it is. The pain of leaving will only last awhile. The pain of staying will last your whole life.

Honestly, based on what you wrote, it sounds like your man is kind of a loser though.