i am 20 yrs old and in college my ex. bf 21 he is engaged now and i just found out i am 3 months pregnant. he left me for her because she was pregnant a month along it happened while we were on a break !!!!I am studying to be a lawyer. I love(my ex. bf) him and he is only bf i have ever had. should i tell him that i am?i am scared!!
2006-09-06 08:31:53 · 22 answers · asked by kelly d 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
took three blood test to get me to believe i was because we used a condom and bc pill when it happened.
2006-09-06 08:33:03 · update #1
have i ruined my life?
2006-09-06 08:35:29 · update #2
we were together since senior year of highschool
2006-09-06 08:42:00 · update #3
feel so sad.
2006-09-06 08:45:42 · update #4
The question is why should you not tell him? He is the father of the child. Granted this is not the ideal situation, but its not fair to not tell him. Also if you don't list him as father on the birth certificate, you loose all chance of child support.
Do the right thing.
I pray blessings on you and the baby. Also don't be suprised if he ask for the baby to be tested for perternity. You said you used protection and pills, so he may be skeptical, even though thats the way it happened.
2006-09-06 08:37:35 · answer #1 · answered by rebeccalynn_dj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having thoughts that you could be ruining your life, and his, is it such a good idea to have the baby at all? I'm not pro or anti abortion, and I don't know what your views are, but that is always an option too. You sound like you took every precaution to NOT get pregnant for a reason right? Regardless of love for the man, he may not want to get back with you to raise this baby as well. What about school? Yes there are plenty of resources for single or young mothers trying to attend college, but do you think you would be able to handle all the pressure of law school while pregnant or caring for a new born?
Just take some time to think before your time runs out.
Good luck with your desicion!
2006-09-06 08:52:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've NOT ruined your life, but you have altered it's course somewhat. It does not sound as if he's much of a man if he dumped another chick because she was pregnant.
Do the right thing for you. Talk to your parents. Get support. Take a sabbatical from school. If you are 21 and haven't enter law school that will not be a problem.
Take some real time to make decisions, whether you keep or put the child up for adoption or god forbid abort. Abortion is something people were the guilt around their necks for the rest of their lives unless they have no conscious. I've known both types of women. The one's that opted to keep or adopt out, did better by a long short emotionally.
2006-09-06 08:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should definitely tell him NOW, NOW, NOW if you know he is the father. He has the right to know and he has to take responsibility for his actions too. Don't let him off the hook just because he is engaged to someone else. If you wait too long to tell him, you might regret it, especially that you still have feelings for him. In any case, even if he choose to continue on with his present life and marry the other person, you make sure that you take him to court for child support. I will tell you from experience that guys will tell you that they will take care of the child and it will seem like it at first, but then suddenly, they start acting stupid and immature and start slackening up on their responsibilities. That is where you will start having problems. Make sure you go to court and get the judge to order him to pay child support and make sure you tell the judge that you want him to pay your child support through the Child Enforcement Agency and not directly from him. When they pay child support on their own and they suddenly decide not to be responsible, you can not force them to give you the money. He can always lie and say that he was giving you money (cash) so there is no receipts. If you let the Child Enforcement Agency collect the money and send it to you, It will be taken directly out of his pay and then the Agency will issue a check to you. If for any reason he don't pay or lose his job, the agency will keep track of him and as soon as he starts working again or if he goes to file his income tax, they will take the money and give it to you to make up for any time he did not pay. Don't ever let him off the hook. It is tough to raise a child on your own even if you become a lawyer. I have seen lawyers who don't make as much money or have a lot of responsibilites that they still struggle. I know you will do well, but don't depend on that since you still have to study further before becoming a lawyer. The baby will not wait until then. It is here now, so deal with it. Everyone's situation is different. Some people might not find it difficult because they might have the help of family and friends, but you never know what your future will hold. I don't care if you were only to get $1 a week from him (that won't be the case, just a figure of speech), take it. It is his child and it should be his responsibility. Remember, don't wait, tell him NOW. God bless you and your baby.
2006-09-06 09:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by killerlegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Naturally your scared. Okay be logical- which is so hard when your hormones are crazy now. This not about him nor YOU-its the baby. The innocent one you carry.
Well- law school is on hold dear. You need your family now.
He is second on the list- go to your MOM now. Embrace her and have her hold her baby and help you through this process.
A life with this man is not happening, he made that choice, so you must make choices for yourself.
Yes -by law he must know and you can't make any legal choices without him. His name will go on the birth certificate as the parent, and he has legal right to your child unless you get a complete release of parental rights prior to birth. Which means not one penny of his money will go to that child.
What are you going to do? Many of us want to adopt children and it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. to be a Mom. You have serious choices to make.
At three months you need to stop being selfish and focus on the health of the child you carry, their is no way out now. You must be brave and be a mature woman. Get help NOW!
You can hang on this semester, yet your OUT for the next few. Unless you plan to adopt out the child. My email is magictxmom@ yahoo.com If you are interested in adoption issues or just need a friend.
Best wishes. I hope that this quickly turns into the most joyous day of your life. You should still be under your parents insurance get to the doctor and on prenatal and get an ultrasound. Once you hear that heart beat. Your in love!
2006-09-06 09:07:40 · answer #5 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him, and be ready to accept whatever answer he gives (regarding your relationship). You can't make someone love you. But...you should continue your plans to become a lawyer. Your ex-bf will have to help you support the baby financially, and there is other assistance available to help you until you graduate. You have NOT ruined your life. This stuff happens sometimes, (it happened to me--and it was a wonderful blessing). You're a smart girl, you can do it, with him or without him.
2006-09-06 08:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by TigerLilly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should tell him. It's his child, too. I would do some serious thinking about what kind of relationship you could have w/ him though. If he got another girl pregnant, then left you for her, he doesn't seem to be too committed to you. You (and your child) need a loving, committed, safe environment. Do what's best for you and your child. If you don't think you're ready to raise a child (you said you're still in college), maybe you should consider adoption. There are lots of loving families trying to have children. Just whatever you do, PLEASE don't have an abortion. Give your child the chance to live.
2006-09-06 08:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by JustMyOpinion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him because its his baby. But dont expect him back. If I were you I wouldnt even want him back anyway, especially if he cant seem to keep it in his pants. You dont want anyone like that. But girl get your child support! He helped make it, he will help take care of it. I know you love him but who's to say he wont do it again? You can find someone much better than that. Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you!
2006-09-06 08:39:20 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you ruined your life! You should tell your ex, but try not to set your expectations too high on his reaction. Take a deep breath and think through all of your options. Best of luck!
2006-09-06 08:38:33 · answer #9 · answered by melas201 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely tell him, but dont expect that to bring him back. A child is the last reason a couple should stay together. If he got back with his ex just for that reason it will never work. You dont need him. Granted raising a child on your own isnt going to be easy. But STAY IN SCHOOL. There are boatloads of assistance programs for single moms, dont be too proud to take it. Just know that you are making a better life for you & your baby!
~*~*~ CONGRATULATIONS & GOOD LUCK ~*~*~
2006-09-06 08:36:28 · answer #10 · answered by MANDEE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋