A friend of mine is 30, he and his wife have been married for 5 years.
People constantly ask him when they are going to have children.
He tells them that they don’t want any children and the wife was okay with that before marriage.
He has been called self centered for not wanting to be a father.
He has also been told that his wife will change her mind and leave him for being childless.
He had a horrible childhood and really doesn’t like kids, but he doesn’t tell this to people.
You can be married without wanting children, why are these people sometimes looked down on for their life choices?
2006-09-06 08:23:36 · 12 answers · asked by HappyHippo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont know, most people expect a married couple to produce children at some point cuz thats the natural thing we were taught u grow up, get married and make babies....people think its selfish and stuff...i mean im married and our biggest goal is to have like 5 children so all couples are different...its not the norm and people cant handle that...
2006-09-06 08:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ack! I have just come to the realization that I'm going to have to have a more graceful way to answer this question and it IRKS me. I'm in my mid 30s and just married a man in his lower 40s. He has children from a previous marriage and has had a vasectomy. I do not have any children.
We are clearly past the point in our lives where it would be wise or even possible to have babies. You can tell this by looking at us without prying into our fertility status.
Why people think this is an appropriate topic to bring up, even with complete strangers is beyond me. The answer can NEVER be good and is always awkward. For instance, what if a couple WANTS a child and has been trying for years, but can't? What if they've just had a miscarriage? What if one or both of the partners has a mental health issue that makes children a bad idea? Do I really need to answer questions like these coming from just ANYONE?
Recently my husband's friends wife, who I'd only met an hour earlier asked me when we were going to have a baby. She is a really nice woman. I just think this common social practice is really strange.
2006-09-06 15:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by CuteWriter 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why should it matter? I don't think they are looked down on by any majority of the population...I think there are a few here and there. But those are people who look down at everyone for anything, if it wasn't choosing not to have kids it would be having kids but not doing it to that persons specifications. Those people simply don't matter and what they say is about their issues and has nothing to do with your friend, his wife or who he is. If these people were truly meaningful people in his life they would already know his situation and his goals for his life...so that means these are just nosey nobodys so what I don't understand is why he doesn't simply reply 'Hmmm if I thought that was your business I would have called you up and discussed it with you'...end of nosey people! They won't intrude or be that rude again, they will be put in their place which is exactly what they need but people have always been more considerate of them than they are of anyone else so they are still nosey and rude. I think the problem is your friend feels like he's obligated to defend his position and he simply isn't. He needs to grasp that he is 100% entitled to it and treat it accordingly.
2006-09-06 15:33:22 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because so many people can't find any type of self worth in who and what they are without having something else to show the outside world that they've done something, like have children, fancy cars, etc... I personally have the upmost respect for those people who have put enough thought into it and know that they don't want to have children. It's a darn shame that so many people bring children into this world when they have no intentions of taking care of them for the rest of their lives. If a couple knows that they don't want that then they are doing everyone else a favor by not bringing anymore unwanted, unloved, unsupervised children into this world.
2006-09-06 15:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some poeple dont want children for many reasons and some cant i think its smart now days the way this world is not to bring children in this world i have 2 and love them very much and wouldnt want anything to happen to them if i had it to go over i may would have made that choice myself it is very painful when there sick or when one dies like i have lost one child i worry all the time what this life holds for them
2006-09-06 15:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by fancey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For most people the obvious next step would be to have children. They think that their isn't any point in getting married if your not going to have kids. I say if your fined doesn't like kids then there is no way he and she should ever have them.
2006-09-06 15:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by Not Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called JEALOUSE...thay are the famous "d.i.n.k.'s" of today...double income no kids! AKA...Lucky dogs, living life to the fullest WITHOUT SOCCER PRACTICE!
PLUS, what is it anyone business if they do - or do not have kids. It's called "CHOICE".
I beleive if you can not love you children more than life itself - then you should not have them.
There are to many people who abuse children and they act like they don't want they and then there are the other people who want the little ones and medically they can't.
2006-09-06 15:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by WhatNext 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, I love being married and having children, but I envy the independence of childless couples! It's not my marriage so I don't care. But I know what you're talking about. He could change his mind, so could she. That's true. They could neither one change their mind, and live happily ever after. I think people are just used to others marrying to start a family. I feel bad for him.
2006-09-06 15:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by steelypen 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People will always think they know what is best for someone else......... I think that if you and your spouse choose not to have kids and are happy, don't listen to other- do- gooders. In our society today we are stripped of alot of our rights,, but this is their choice and no-one else, stick to your choice and be happy..........
2006-09-06 15:29:12 · answer #9 · answered by avery 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are always looking at others to avoid looking at their own lives! When you stop and take a good long look at yourself, you find it very difficult to judge others!
2006-09-06 15:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋