Teaching children to not be racist.?

Question

I'm worried about my 4 year old son. I'm totally not racist at all, and would take great offence if anyone suggested otherwise, but the other day I was watching King Kong (the new one) with my son, and he asked to see a bit again, a bit he described as 'when the brown man fights king kong'. Now I've never taught my son about different races or anything, and I believe that the fact that the 'brown man' was the only black guy in the film made it the most obvious description for him of the bit in the film he liked. What worries me is if he says things like this in public, and people think I'm bringing up my son as a racist. This already happened once about six months ago, when he went up to the only indian boy in his older brothers school and said (perfectly innocently) 'you've got a brown face'.
How have others taught their children to handle race sensitevely?

Answer 1

First of all, it's normal for a child to notice a difference in the color of someone's skin. He is not saying it as a bad thing. He's using it as a descriptive term and then stating a fact. If he was saying things in a derrogatory manner, that would be something to worry about.

The problem isn't that he is saying this... the problem is that parents are so worried about what other people will think!! You know you're not racist. Those who know you, know you're not racist. Our society has gotten so caught up in 'making sure' and political correctness that we are now concerned about our children's innocent observations! That is silly.

As soon as you teach a kid how to 'handle race' (in any way - sensitively or not) you are showing them that there is a difference that should be noticed. I say let him make his observations... let him say a kid has a brown face.. that is what he sees.

If the other parents get upset about it, that's their problem... I know that sounds silly, but seriously.. I've had people come up to me and say I have white skin. And you know what... they're right! So, I tell the child that I sure do.

Being worried about such a thing is the same as being worried about your child saying 'that phone is black' or 'that button is red' or 'she has green eyes'... and anyone who would interpret such a thing as racist coming from a child of 4 is hyper-sensitive and needs to realize that children are innocent and see things differently than we do.

Answer 2

Children are not naturally racist, your son was only stating the obvious and means no offence because he his now noticing the differences in the world around him, if it becomes a regular thing do not make an issue of it but tactfully explain that its not always nice to mention the colour of people's skin unless he knows the person very well, if you think he's going to say something to someone try and distract him.

Answer 3

Don't freak out-
Your son is merely describing a color of skin. He is not making any prejudice or stereotypical remarks.
What I would do, is have your son watch different programs that DO NOT MENTION a race of any type. No differences no heritages or anything.
He will then think that is just different color skin.
When he goes to school or interacts with other children of whatever color skin they have, you will see that he will not treat them differently than anyone else. He may be curious as to why the texture of hair is different from his or what ever. But, just explain this to him as it is just like a different color hair such as blonde, red or brown. curly or straight. Thick or thin.
Keep your kid away from people who are preoccupied with race (good preoccupied or bad preoccupied)
The only way to keep racism out of your home is to not acknowlege it exists until he is old enough to understand different cultures.... say maybe 7 or 8. Until then Kids are kids no matter what race they are.
Good luck.

Answer 4

In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with you child's description, brown face, red hair, it is natural for children to use such terms. However some months ago my granddaughter, who has Downs syndrome, was sent home from school accused of racist behaviour for saying that her friend at school had a brown face. I was shocked at the way she was treated. Now we have to teach her not to use terms like "brown face" and she still cant really see why it was wrong. The little girl that my granddaughter was talking about is her best friend and she says " I am brown and you are pink with red cheeks", then she giggles. Children don't have problems, adults create them.

Answer 5

As a black woman, I would not take offense to a young child inquiring about my brown skin. He's curious. Additionally, do you have any black neighbors or friends that he is around on a regular basis? If not, therein lies where his curiosity stems from. It would probably be a good idea to encourage him to join a group or club that has a diverse population like the YMCA or something.

The best thing you can tell your son is that people come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Their insides are the same as yours and mine but just like no two snowflakes are the same, neither are people and its perfectly ok to be different.

Additionally, you may want to inquire at your son's school (depending on his grade) if what they are teaching in Social Studies or History class is inclusive ALL american history. Which would include blacks, native americans, early settlers, and european immigrants.

Answer 6

Ultimately, it is up to the child itself to decide. You can teach them the right way, but if they encounter rude people of the same race or people that do the child wrong at early ages then I don't think you can stop it. If a child notices different colors of skin, it's just that - a different color of skin and nothing else. Children are taught colors in school and unless you can stop that, there will always be different skin colors. I wouldn't worry yourself too much, life's lessons are learned different ways but mostly by experience.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel. Something similar happened to me with a 5 year old.
Please don't start teaching your son political correctness now. It is a fact that people have different skin colours and some people have red hair when hardly anybody else does. Children react to unusual things by pointing them out and there is nothing wrong with that.
You could explain that some people are touchy about distinguishing features, like long noses, red hair, or even dark skin and that it is rude to mention it to their faces.

Answer 8

You have to be happy that your son is observant of different people. If you are not racist then do not worry, you are already a good role model for him to learn the right things, I appreciate your concerns. You will be clear in making your son understand "do as i do" not like some parents who are very clear of their stand "do as i say not as i do! These are parents who give mixed messages.

Talking to your son about people's reactions and sensitivity would be good. You dont have to worry about what people will say about your parental skill. Tongue has no bone it will move in any direction so dont bother, what judgement you pass about yourself is more important.

Explain to your son how people thought in the past, that white was superior and coloured were inferior. The truth is, melenin in the skin is the only cause for different skin tones. Let him know that it is a fact that people have differences in apperences based on geographical location and sun exposure. But deep down all are same, same blood, same bones, same organs and same goodness. Allow him to play with kids of color, and talk to him if he found them different in any way.
This way he will know dady is right!

Answer 9

I saw this framework in a course I took in NY where we received people from different countries:

They played a movie showing some kids in a school where the teacher told them this:
"the kids with the blue eyes are better than the ones with other color eyes", then the kids behavior changed, we discussed the changes and gave some negative feedback.
Later on, the teacher told them this:
"There was a mistake, the ones with the blue eyes are not better, the ones with the brown eyes are the better"
the kids changed immediately.
we discussed it and concluded very easily how silly is to be racist in any way.

I hope this works for you, good luck.

Answer 10

My daughter goes to a school that is extremely mixed in terms of race. Let me say that describing someone by the colour of their skin, especially at their age, is purely observational, e.g. my girl describes people like "so-and-so has brown skin, but not very brown", which usually means someone of Pakistani or Indian origin. She says it as she sees it, which is fine by me. Also, there are so many mixed race kids round here that someone will have brown skin (or even white skin, come to think of it) but yet have a million different heritages that you couldn't possibly guess in a million years.

I say it's cool to describe people by their skin colour, as long as things aren't being said in a malicious way.