This isn't about me because I am married and my wife and I are planning to have a baby. I am happy about it.
But, what about men or women who are given ultimatums about children?
If your spouse says this, do you divorce him or her:
If you do not give me a child now, then I will leave you.
What if you agreed before marriage to have 1 child and one spouse wants more?
What if you agreed to have no children and then later your spouse wants a baby?
What should a married couple do when they face something like this?
2006-09-06 07:59:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Rationally sit down and discuss the issue like the adults there suppose to be and come to a agreement. It's always better to have at least one child or they will regret it later in life when there's no grandchildren to brag about or when asked if they have any children it hurts to have to say no.
2006-09-06 08:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by tdm1175 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to be careful making agreements about something that you don't actually know anything about before you know it...that probably sounds confusing but NOBODY has an idea what having a baby and being a parent full time is like before they do it. So talking about it before the wedding is something you must do, but doesn't mean thats the way it will turn out. Many that are sure they will love it turn out to not be so crazy about it and vice versa. Its a really hard thing to deal with either way...if you really want one (or another one) then you simply aren't going to be happy with your life until you have one...it is equally impossible to be happy having them if you don't want them so I think overall, the marriage is doomed. Its not about a yes you should divorce someone for making the 'demand' or suggestion its about the two of you having different goals and desires for your life. It happens all the time and it happens on a bunch of different topics, not just kids...anytime one wants something for their lives that is incompatible with the others wants for their lives the marriage will fail because it requires compromising too much of yourself, you can do it short term, but not for your entire life. Its just like anything else, it boils down to your level of commitment either to the marriage or to the thing you want. Kids just happen to be one topic that is wayyyy too big to compromise on in most cases.
2006-09-06 08:24:34 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man does not want children or has had all the children he wants then he should go get a vasectomy, use protection for 3 months (just so no accidents occur) and there would be no problem. A man who continues to have sex is just asking for trouble. Women are very sneaky when it comes to getting pregnant, and unfortunately the law is on their side.
2006-09-06 08:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they should seek counseling, if a couple really loves each other it is something that they can work out. My hubby and I had agreed to one when we got married (i was 16 and he was 18). Three years later we had our first and agreed that we should have a sibling for him. 5 mos later I was pregnant again. My children are four and two and now we have agreed to two more when my son starts school next year. LOL, you never know.
2006-09-06 08:05:11 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyedprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes,
Children are the single most important part of a relationship, and if there can not be an agreement on them, then the relationship is doomed. Divorce between two adults is much better than children living with parents who didn't want them or don't love them.
2006-09-06 08:17:24 · answer #5 · answered by AJ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I've been married 1 year and I don't want kids - unusual for a woman but I never have. I've got a wonderful hubby who would make a great father, but I just don't want any kids. I get the impression he wants them, but he would never push or force me about it. I'm 28 so there's time to change my mind...but he's 36 already. For right now, I love it being just the two of us!!!
2006-09-06 08:11:14 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see what the big deal is about having a baby they should just do it...But I could see they thought the world was over populated or didnt want to screw their figure up or didnt have the time or money for a baby but I really dont see what the big deal is I think divorce should not be a way out of this one.
2006-09-06 08:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A marriage, or relationship for that matter, is all about communication and compromise. If he is that desperate to force an ultimatum and is unwilling to discuss it, then that would suggest to me that true love for his wife is in question or he would be considering her feelings too.
I, myself, would question if he really loved me and if there wasn't something more going on in his head. If he's not willing to consider my feelings, after we already discussed the issues, then I would have to really think about whether relationship is worth saving.
2006-09-06 08:13:18 · answer #8 · answered by Termite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't marry anyone until you know what their family plans and goals are that voids this whole question. If one of you changes your mind you can try to sway the other in the end you should respect the choices 1st made and accept and respect whatever that was. Better to have someone LEAVE you then to go making a kid you don't want anyone who made a child to please someone is not thinking in their best interest
2006-09-06 08:02:47 · answer #9 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it should be discussed before marriage. if the two people feel differently about having children, than that is a big problem. if someone doesnt want kids, they shouldnt have tehm just because there spouse wants them. they will regret it. they should divorce.
2006-09-06 08:18:29 · answer #10 · answered by mml619 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋