Are other people out there desperate to please the people in their lives in order to feel happy and fulfilled?
2006-09-06 07:52:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes, it is normal, but it's still not good for you. I feel the same way and am forever working to free myself of that debilitating habit of being a people pleaser. The thing is that the more you try to please other people and do what (you think) they want, just to get their approval, the more you will drift away from who you really are. You are going to get to a point where you don't know anymore who you are, what you want and where you are going. So, yeah, here is the thing, I dare you to live in the truth! Ask yourself all the time "is this what I really want?" and if it comes back as a yes, go ahead. If you feel uncomfortable, back off. That way you can start being true to yourself and that's a big hurdle right there, right, for a people pleaser. Good luck...
2006-09-06 08:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by suki's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's more common than you would think, but it's not normal, or healthy, or good for you or anyone else. You apparently received no self -esteem boosters as you were growing, and you better start now. You must be miserable! Being totally at the mercy of forces outside yourself is a bummer. Get some help now. The only validation that truly validates is the one that comes from you.
2006-09-06 14:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by Solstice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a very "normal" but not necessarily healthy. The appreciation of others makes us feel good but you have to look inside yourself to find your worth. What if the people you care about don't appreciate what you do for them? Only you know for sure what kind of person you are, the traits that make you admirable. Do you care about others? Are you kind and trustworthy? Are you loyal? All beings are worthy in some way. Believing that can be difficult but you must believe.
2006-09-07 20:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not you or anyone else determined your self-worth. There are some many things that come into play that ones self-worth can not be measured using the implement that have been created by man-kind. The only way to come up with anything is how you treat yourself and other and that only gives you a very small look at yourself worth. Period...... And trying to please others will only give you look see into the insanity that exist in this world..........
2006-09-06 15:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by kilroymaster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a normal human reaction to feel good when you see that your actions have directly caused someone else to be happy.
However it should not be the validation of your own happiness... your identity and happiness should not be based on if you helped your friends today.
I'm walking a thin line here because I truly feel that we need to go good to others in order to truly feel good about ourselves... but we shouldn't be totally reliant on it.
I think this may stem from a desire to be accepted among your friends. If you do things for them then they will like you. This may be a root of the problem.
2006-09-06 14:57:43 · answer #5 · answered by kenny_the_bomb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you are desperate to please people, you probably need to evaluate your assertiveness skills, that is, your capacity to say no and to be honest with people when needed. You should not be evaluating your self worth via others people`s opinions. What I recommend is that you evaluate your strenghts and qualities as a person. What makes you good at school, your profession? Why do people like you? Although it is normal to have other people`s recognition, this should not determine how you feel about yourself.
2006-09-06 16:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by Woogie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it normal, yes. Healthy, no. It's a conditioned (learned) method of thinking. You should build your self esteem on your own terms. Look at media pressure and cultural pressure as a checks and balances system....and even then, have fun overruling it. You are worth as much as you want to be worth.
2006-09-06 15:00:01 · answer #7 · answered by A Total Franny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to some degree but it is best to give yourself your own self worth without others approval. Always tell yourself positive things about yourself like: "I'm pretty", "I'm smart"....things like that and soon you will realize that you don't need validation from anyone else! Good luck.
2006-09-06 14:59:59 · answer #8 · answered by songbird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say yes. I feel that if it were up to just me I would be happy with a lot less maybe even to the point of laziness. Sometimes it takes others to make us move and do things.
2006-09-06 14:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by memorris900 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think unfortunately that feeling like this is increasingly becoming the norm. So many of us live our lives trying to satisfy others - be they partners; siblings; parents or children. We put our happiness second - perhaps feeling that by making them happy - we can, in turn, make ourselves happy.
Doesn't always work... did I say 'always'?
2006-09-06 15:00:59 · answer #10 · answered by july5_uk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋