should I take him seriously??

Question

My boyfriend and I have a two and a half year history together with some breaks in between. He has been talking about marriage and having a family together for about a year and a half. We live three states apart and last weekend when I went to visit him, I found out that he flirts with girls up there. Why would he flirt with other girls if he says he wants to marry me? Should I allow it assuming flirting is all he is doing since he is so far away and we cant see each other very often?

Answer 1

No, distance should have nothing to do with honoring commitments and being loyal. Do you consider it ok for you to 'flirt' because he's far away. You didn't say how old the two of you are and that is going to make a huge difference here but what do you think the likelihood is that he is 'flirting', getting a girl to go for him, getting himself all excited and then not doing anything about it? Why would he bother? He's only hurting himself in the end if thats all it is. Guys aren't known for being real great at having a fish on the hook and then just saying oh well I'll just cut the line and let it go...especially when it involves their penis...their brains go right out the window.

You need to be very careful here, living far apart there is no way you have any idea what its like to be around him for long lengths of time..and I'm talking months and years not a couple of days. It's unrealistic of you to think you do.

As far as marriage goes here is some serious stuff to think about.

Consider marriage when you have been together (and that means in the same place) long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, sex (how much and how often) and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so (and when you live 3 states apart)

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway. In this case he's at the very least a flirt...want to live like that?

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too! There is a book called Lies At The Altar by Dr. Robin Smith, it helps you answer all this and go in to a marriage with your eyes wide open, if you aren't willing to consider all that then what you really want is a pretty ring and a nice party and lots of attention, have them but don't make that a basis for a LIFE. Good luck!

Answer 2

If I were you I'd end the relationship! Flirting or not he lives too far away and a lot could be going on that you're not aware of and who's gonna' tell you? I would never do a long distance relationship but thats just me I like the thought of being able to see my sweety anytime within minutes!

He may be doing this b/c you live so far apart and he is probably just keeping the door open in case things don't work out with you, why should life stop b/c he is in one state and you are in another? Love or not sexually attraction can happen anywhere at anytime! and Flirting can lead to a lot more why flirt to begin with if he doesn't want anything from these girls he is flirting with? he's a man I would find someone closer in your own area or move to his state better yet move in with him... You could talk to him about it and see what his reaction is and go from there...

Answer 3

First, how did you find out he flirts? If a female told you this, she could be saying it out of jealousy. If you've witnessed this yourself or learned this from a reliable source, you should talk to him about it.
The two of you have a long history but if he's flirting with other females behind your back and telling you he wants to marry you, it could lead to infidelity.
My suggestion to you is a long talk about the future you and him share. If you cant trust him and he is flirting with other girls then you shouldn't be with him. He could just be flirting since you aren't around and he's lonely. If that's the case the two of you should wait to have a relationship until you're living in the same state.

Answer 4

Sometimes flirting can be harmless and sometimes it can be a warning sign that your partner find others attractive and like to show them so by his flirting.

Now sometimes absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder but farther. It's human nature to want companionship and sometimes when it is far away and not a stone throw away, we tend to take other means to get it were only human.

If your going to get married you need to spend quality time together first to see if this is the person who you would like to spend the rest of your life with.

He can be married and flirt it happens all the time but some will flirt but still never cheat on their mate and sometimes the spouse find it humorous when their mate finds another person attractive or good looking never thinking to betray their relationship and marriage vows.

Answer 5

Flirting, even girls do that unconsciously. It's like a rose without its aroma. In a guy is looked down upon it. It doesn't mean that he takes it further than that. It's normal to have doubts. Long distance rel. are very hard on both sides. He's been commited to you through out the years. Best thing is to go with your gut feelings when you meet him in person and get talking with him about this subject.

Answer 6

Guys are natural flirts, when they stop looking you can classify them as dead. That does not mean he isnt serious about wanting to marry you. But at the same time trust your heart more than anything anyone else tells you. Thats is where your best answer will be found.

Answer 7

Sweetie..you have to go with your gut. If you have any doubts at all then your probably right to doubt him. No one can truly answer this question for you...you need to look at your relationship with him and how you feel about it and make a decision. How YOU feel is most important.

Answer 8

No, but i think u should go with ur gut feeling abt this issue. Long distance relationships dont always last.

Answer 9

Boys are natural flirts, its in their blood.
U see to it that its all harmless flirting.
If its above the level, talk with him, if he doesn't listens, dump him.

Answer 10

You usually can depend on one thing, your feelings. If you feel like somethng isn't right, it isn't. If he were serious, why wouldn't he be making plans to be closer, or better yet, why hasn't he asked you to marry him?