divorced but wife still coming around?

Question

I am divorced since 3 months, my ex-wife does not have a job, an apartment, or friends here, no place to go, cries all the time. She's been coming to my house every night to sleep, she practically lives here. I cannot stand it, but I don't have the heart to kick her out. I try to help her find a job, an apartment, but she is unreliable at best. I want my life back. What should I do?

Answer 1

Once divorce you owe her no financial obligations outside of the divorce unless you have kids and I haven't seen that you mention that you do.

The divorce should have sent her notice that she need to be able to take care of herself unless she sacrificed her education and career to support you in some form but if this isn't the case, I say you should give her a certain amount of time to get her life in order or she will have to leave.

The fact that you don't have the heart to kick her out is what she is acting on because she knows she can do what she do and you will tolerate it.

No matter what the reason for the divorce or who is to blame, you have a right to want your life back that is what a divorce is suppose to bring but if she is still depending on you for support, what reason did you need a divorce.

So again, I would give her a certain amount of time to get her life in order and leave my home and get the heart to do it or live with the consequences of your failure to do so.

Answer 2

I'd like to know more about the situation. Why did you break up? Did you move her away from her home, family and friends with lots of big promises and then bail on her? If you did what is she supposed to do? It sounds to me like she is so broken hearted and lost she doesn't know which way to go...its hard to focus and figure things out in that state. Forget about not having the heart to kick her out and instead focus on having a backbone. She is going to keep doing it until you stop letting her. Tell her its done, tell her she has one week to find a job and a place to stay, after that she won't be let back in and if she comes back you will get a restraining order, tell her you tried to help her but she took advantage of the situation and you and she should have used that time to get her poop in a group, she didn't and that was her choice. Send her back home (you said 'here' so I'm thinking she isn't from that area)...if you moved her to a strange place and then deserted her you have something of a responsibility to at least get her back to where you took her from, plus that solves your problem for good. Why didn't you try to help her get a job and what not before you divorced her so she would at least have something in her life?

Answer 3

Did you move her to some other city? If so then you must understand she doesnt have any friends orfamily there. She is gonna be sad, she is in a strange place and getting a divorce.

You need tosit down and talk to her and tell her that you are only willing to help if she helps herself. You obviously care about her to ever help this much. Make her realize that she has a friend in you and that together you both can get her out on her own and both start enjoying your new lives.

I commend you for doing all that you have, you have done more than most. I wish you and her all the luck and I hope she gets on her feet soon.

Answer 4

That's a toughie. May I ask who filed for divorce and what were the circumstances?

Based on this info alone, I would say that she is really feeling alone and seriously depressed. She wants you back. She hasn't yet been able to identify a life outside of you. It is very difficult to get divorced. You become attached to the person that you are with. They are a fixture in your life for so long and then they are gone. Please talk to her about what she is feeling. Nicely, explain to her your feelings and what you think is appropriate behavior and an appropriate "relationship" for you two to have for now on (if one at all).

I think that it is truly wonderful and sweet what you are doing for her now, but it may be sending her mixed signals. I know that you are just trying to be nice, but set some ground rules and also offer to pay for some therapy. Because really, this is tough for her and you both.

Good luck and thanks for being one of the few good people that are left in the world :)

Answer 5

Just sit her down n let her understand that its over been the 2 of u, and that u want to have a new start not with her around. Help her find a Job once more and give her a deadline when to move.

goodluck!

Answer 6

Simply sit her down and explain that there was a reason in you both getting a divorce. Also, if she has any close relatives- call and explain that you are not comfortable with her being around all the time and if they could help her cope with it. So, basically in a nice way Dump her off to her family. But in a NICE way.

Answer 7

maybe persuade her to see a councilor has it seams she cannot accept it is over between you and in one way its being kind but you need to be firm. there is another way give her a date she has to move out give her a letter to the fact for the local council and they will provide her with a bed and breakfast. and from then on do not open the door to her and change all locks on the door. she will have a roof over her head this is a fact and you don't have a heart to kick her out this way is more practical and you will get your life back good luck!!!

Answer 8

You'll have to sit down with her one on one. Explain to her that the two of you are divorced and although you don't like to be mean, she needs to get out. Inform her that you have tried helping her but she hasn't made an effort so you cannot help anymore.
You should also take her to counseling, I think she needs to start loving herself again before she can recoop and move on and out.

Answer 9

Though your question is somewhat hard to understand.... I must agree that the best revenge against my ex-husband was to watch him ruin his own life and be miserable. Nothing that I could have done would have been that satisfying. And it can't fall back on me! Move on with your life, and just laugh when the miserable woman makes her own life HEI_I_!!! Enjoy it! Sure, it's a little bit evil, but you've earned it.

Answer 10

Get her an apartment and tell her that she needs to leave. Help her get on her feet and then let her loose. She lost her independence. It will take more then 3 months to get rid of her. Good Luck.