What happened to your relationship after baby?

Question

I am 38 weeks pregnant. My husband and I are so excited to be having our first baby. I just wonder, how has your relationship between you and your spouse changed since having a baby?

Answer 1

THAT is a loaded question. Let me give you the advice a very dear friend of mine gave me before my son was born. He said, "Get used to being at the bottom of a short list of one!"

And he is totally right. The first year absolutely sucked. I love my son and I adore my husband, but I seriously looked in the mirror when the little man was about 3 weeks old and I asked myself, "Good grief what have you done??!!" =)

What complicates matters for my little family is that my husband works 3rd shift while I work days. He's home with munchkin during the day and I race home like a crazy person (after putting in an 8 or 9 hour day) to relieve him so he can get some sleep before heading out to work. Needless-to-say, we don't get much "us" time, but it's worth it to keep the wee one at home (we both decided we didn't want him in day care).

I find I struggle daily with being a good mom, a good wife and a good employee (in that order!) - and usually, I feel like I fail miserably in all 3 arenas. I seriously don't know how my parents did it 3 times (and they were 10 years younger than me!!)

You will learn how to balance work and family as well as alone time for your spouse and for yourself (sometimes, I just need a walk around the neighborhood BY MYSELF to feel human again).

Children will stress even the best of relationships. See, with your husband you can tell him to quit whining and take out the garbage; can't do that with a little one. They want what they want when they want it and they WANT IT NOW!!!

I am here to tell you though that you will get through it. You may find that your dinner conversations (such as they are) will center around things like who had the worst diaper change today or if the little nugget ate a lot or a little at his/her last feeding. But, then they start to get bigger and then they start to get cooler because they can do "stuff" and they aren't quite so needy.

My husband and I cherish the few precious moments that we get, be it on the front porch when he's walking in from work (and I'm heading out) or even a 5 minute phone call at the office. We try to do "little things" for each other (notes in his lunch, a note on my coffee cup from him, etc.)

And then my biggie, I try and prioritize my day where he and my son are at the top of the list. For example, because he only gets one weekend a month off, I plan that on those days we will do NOTHING housework related (with the exception of grocery shopping - we gotta eat!). That way, we will spend some quality time together (hiking, going someplace new with the baby, going out to eat, etc.)

It truly boils down to making an effort to spend time with each other. What used to be easy (because there was just 2 of you) is now much more difficult. Chores that you could bang out in the space of a morning now take twice as long because SOMEONE has to watch the baby.

It's going to be a constant balancing act, there will be struggles and fights and misunderstandings (due to stress, sleep depravation and hormones). Just remember though, there will be laughter and joy and memories and lots of fun (even amid your millionth poopy diaper!) And eventually, you will forget the "hell" that is the first year and the second year, etc. and right about that time is when you will say, "Do you want to have another baby???"

Answer 2

It matter the couple, as for me and my husband thing have been up and down, most of the time up! We had our first child he Is now 3 we were both immature and didn't know how much a baby would change a relationship especially ours, then two years later we had our second child he Is now 1 years old, we both had grown up a lot now we know what we have to do as a couple and as parents, b/c babies do change everything and our two boys have changed us for the better. Now were expecting our princess on Oct. 3rd. that added stress b/c she definitely was not planned for I was post-partum 3 months when I got pregnant, but we are happy and excited, he has to work more hours b/c I'm a stay at home mother, so sometimes that can put stress on our relationship, but stay together and work through everything me and my husband love each other very much just remember to take breaks from each other and also to at least take one day out the week to spend time together, just remember when your parents or his parents want to watch the baby allow them so you can spend time together. CoNgRaTs!! I wish the best for you and your husband just remember you'll be okay just take care of your self's and each other.

Answer 3

You will be a hormonal sleepy mess. He will be confused about what happened to his wife.

Take time to show hubby that he is still important and he is a great guy. It's ok to praise him for stupid stuff, as long as you are specific, Like "I just love watching you change the baby's diaper, you are great at it." Guys need concrete statements.

If you take time for him, he will take time for you. I wish I had known this BEFORE my son was born. I was 20 and My husband was 25 when we married, I got pregnant a week later (birth control didn't work because I was on antibiotic and didnt know it would affect the pill). We had a really rough patch - really rough. But we committed to each other, and took the time to rebuild the relationship. Things are great now.

Just keep in mind that it will never be the same as before, but it can be better.

Answer 4

The first year is very difficult for eveyone. You have to adapt to your new roles. You and your husband will have a lot less time for one another. If you have extended family around, this will make things easier. Realistically, some issues/conflicts will come up between you two because you don't agree on specific parenting things. But, you also have great fun watching the child grow up together. It's basically a roller coaster ride, so buckle up!

Answer 5

well...with my ex....it went downhill. i was younger then and stuck it out. but in the end if you don't make time for each other and focus on only being a parent, you end up forgetting why the two of you are in this together.

Don't PANIC!! you will be tired and cranky around your beloved husband. all you need is a good meal and some decent sleep. He will be upset and hurt that his loving wife is no longer making him the center of her universe. COMMUNICATE!!! remember you married this man and he married you. don't forget that. the child should be included in your relationship and is not a replacement. every other week have a date night with just the two of you. plan lots of couple time together. even a lazy afternoon nap works wonders!!!

Answer 6

I was with my bf, not married, and things definitely went down hill. I totally realized he was not even close to who I would really like to be with. I couldn't care about someone who didn't care about his responsibilities to his child. But that was good for me, I got out of a relationship that was just wasting my time and going nowhere, and I learned more about what I do want.

Answer 7

Congrats!!!!! It really depends on the couple. Ours was good before, even though we had stupid fights while I was pregnant (his hormones not mine) and it 's good now. We have different outlooks on parenting but we talk it out and do what's best for our 2 yr old son.

We do our best to make time for each other and still be good parents. I do tend to put our son 1st and as any good mom go out of my way to make sure he has what ever he needs because he is little and didn't ask to be brought into this world.

With any relationship you have to work at it. Remember to date your mate and make time for each other...

Good luck!!!!!

Answer 8

STAYED GREAT BUT BE PREPARED FOR A BIT OF TENSION ESPECIALY WHEN IT COMES TO SLEEP DEPRIVATION! GENERALY GREAT THOUGH MY BOY IS 2 NOW AND A RIGHT HANDFUL BUT TRYING FOR BABY 2 NOW SO IT CANT HAVE BEEN SO BAD! GOODLUCK

Answer 9

It went down hill.