Why do you think so many marriages fail now more than ever?

Question

Why do you think so many marriages fail now a days?

What has changed in the past 50's years that has caused the divorce rate to rise?

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years, my parents have been married for 28 years, and they are genuinely HAPPY.

I have so many friends my age (mid 20's) that are already divorced!

What is going on?

(I have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2 and still happy, even planning to get pregnant soon!)

Answer 1

Hi Jenny, congrats on your happy marriage and impending baby (hopefully!) I hope things never change for you.

The first answer is right, the divorce rate is actually holding steady or even in decline right now. But divorce is still a prominent issue.

There are a numerous things that contribute to the break-up of marriages.

1. Self-centeredness. We have needs we want fulfilled. If we're not satisfied or don't get our way, or when the other person makes demands we don't like, we want to quit.

2. Unrealistic expectations for the other person. We imagine what the other person will do and act like after we get married. They don't pull through for us. We are disillusioned, feel betrayed, and decide they weren't the "right one."

3. Viewing marriage as an emotional connection, rather than as a personal commitment to establish a secure family unit. Emotions fluctuate and can even latch onto other people. Viewing it as a primarily a commitment and investment provides some security.

4. No baseline for a "good" marriage. Traditional marriages could at least provide a model to newly married couples. Nowadays there doesn't seem to be much communication between healthy married couples and newly married couples.

The fact is that marriage takes a lot of work sometimes, and sacrifice, and giving when you don't feel like it. Conflict is okay, as long as it's resolved constructively. Fights do not mean the relationship is terrible. Sometimes there's numbness or exhaustion to deal with -- again, that's okay.

People take these as signs as 'something being wrong" and quit. Having some experienced folks model marriage for people would help a great deal.

5. Proliferation of bad examples. We're constantly bombarded with ideas and attitudes that are destructive to marriage and long-term relationships, whether the messages are purely sexual ones or just portraying bad relationships as the "standard." We emulate what we see all the time.

There are some others, but those are common contributors.

Answer 2

From experience I would say it begins with the lack of communication and just not being "ready." I think in the past several years engaged couples look at marriage as this "newness" a new beginning so to speak. The focus is on the big day instead of the big picture. If you have problems as a couple you will have problems as a married couple. They dont go away with the rings and honeymoon. Then couples try to fix it with kids, which only creates more aggravation. I believe this is what starts the fire brewing. Then the couple start reaching out for advice and help and realize that as the days, months, years are going by, their lives are changing but they are not changing with eachother or in ways that compliment eachother. That's when extra marrital affairs happen, and before you know if, everyone is fighting over kids, assests and money. I congratulate your family for being so strong.

Answer 3

I think plenty of marriages failed in the past, but divorce was NOT an option. There were a lot of loveless, abusive, poor marriages in the past, but it was more socially acceptable to be miserable, than to get a divorce.

far enough back - women who were divorced often ended up in the poor house, as jobs were NOT available to them, and another man would not want to marry them. So many women stayed because they had no options. Divorce rates are higher purely because divorce is more socially acceptable

Answer 4

All marriages are not a total disaster, but many don't last because people don't want to incorporate what the word of GOD says about the roles that a husband & wife have in the marriage.

And because a lot of the times, people are not taught the skills or given the correct tools to maintain and stay married "'Till Death Us Do Part".

Finally, because most often than not, they are thinking with another part of the body other than their heads and hearts.

Answer 5

Hi
I've been married 4 years now. The last 2 years have been a disaster. I haven't had sex in over a year. Recently I found out my so called soon ex-husband is looking up Ladyboy websites. I guess he is gay. That explains his excuse for not wanting me.
It's not easy though. I feel like I wasted lot more than 4 years.
Thank god no children. I was pushing him so much though 2 years ago I told him I want children.I guess I am lucky .

Answer 6

I think its easier to quit things today. When children are raised they are taught they can stop/quit if something becomes to difficult or they just dont want to do it anymore. Society is so differnet and accepting of divorce now, not like when our parents where kids. I have been married twice--the 1st time for 15 years mostly unhappy and it took me along time to decide I cant do this anymore I've tried everything and nothing is changing. I have been happily married now for 3 years.

Answer 7

well, I believe it's because before... people use to be serious when they were getting married... now they get married.. thinking of divorce... get divorce over a car... over a house, over material stuff.. over an argument.. basically over silly stuff... the values of what marriage is .. is not what it used to be... and even if one of the parties is genuine... it often happens that the other isn't...

also.. I'm not ssaying it's an excuse.. but people use to dress up.. not walk around half naked all the time.. - I believe it's a temptation .. and since values are not what they ussed to be.. any excuse is good.. WRONG..

I'm happy that you are happy ... I wish you all the best..

Answer 8

the divorce rate is actually fairly steady for the past 30 years.

Answer 9

Barring extreme circumstances, many marriages fail because the parties don't want to compromise. Rather than seeking middle ground, they seek to win their way.

Answer 10

i think most marriages fail cuz this generation is not use to the hard work that must be put in a marriage like our grandparents