I have tried more than 20 years for my marriage with my husband, but it doesn’t work very well and I have been suffered very much for years, so we finally broke up in 2005. As I feel guilty for leaving my husband and now especially, I am in a very difficult situation since I fell in love with an adorable man who I love very much in Nov.2005 in Albuquerque, NM. We had beautiful times together, but it turned upside down when my husband tried to kill himself. After that I came back to my husband in LA twice in Jan & April 2006 because I worried about he will kills himself again, but not because I will try to keep this marriage. Meanwhile I also lost my love - the man I love, because I didn't keep my words as I promised to divorce my husband. So, that's why I am in a miserable situation now.... I know I can't keep the marriage with my husband anymore and I will leave him again on some day, but I also worry about him very much. Since I came back to him is already over 4 months, I think he is getting better now and it's time for me to go. I will go to San Francisco to visit my best friends there and maybe will find a job and in order to get a divorce with my husband. Maybe it's better for me to do this when I separate from him. I have to do this for my boyfriend and also for myself. But I didn't do until now because I’m in hesitating: I still worry about my husband and my son (he is 22). I'm also afraid of being alone by myself. Should I have to go? Should I stay? What’s the future will be, in front of me? Is it possible for me to having back my boyfriend? What if not, and what can I do? Is it fair that I have to stay with my husband because of he will try to kill himself again? When I can’t love my husband again, should I have to go? What can I do if my husband will kill himself again? Does my son will get hurt very much if I leave him again, since I have to? But one thing I realize that I just can’t accept current situation any more because it is not fair for anyone. I really need some advice from Yahoo answers. Please help me!
2006-09-06 06:38:54 · 20 answers · asked by Marilyn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! You not only have baggage; you like to carry it around! I think you should be more mature and do the right things. First of all, you should tell your husband that no matter what you do with your life, you are not now nor ever will be responsible for whether or not he kills himself. Look him in the eyes and tell him nose to nose "If you kill yourself, that is your decision and your responsibility. I do not wish for you to do that. But if you do that, I am not resposible and I will NEVER carry one iota of burden for it. NO ONE can threaten me with that: YOU cannot threaten me with that, because I refuse to take ownership of that. Secondly, since you no longer love him, tell him "I no longer love you, I am filing for divorce, I will get a divorce, I am moving on with my life and I wish for you to do the same, this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me, it means that you will be better off with someone else, it means that I will be better off with someone else, in any case, I am moving out, I am making it legal, and I am moving on. Then I think you should do that. This other man you have been with, or any other man you might have a relationship with, don't you feel that he or they deserve a woman without baggage, don't you feel they deserve all your love without hanging on them "Well, I will love you the best that I can but if I do my ex will kill himself."? I don't think that's mature. I don't think that's a good example for your son. Do the right things. You will have a better life and your son will respect you for it. Hope this helps........
2006-09-06 07:26:20 · answer #1 · answered by gabriel3791 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that after 20 years it's impossible to turn yourself off and not care for the other person any longer. But you have to draw a line somewhere. You can't be his babysitter and his life-saver. He needs to try and get over it like countless people have done; it's his responsibility as an adult to take charge of his life. You can't be hanging around forever; if he feels that he must kill himself, I don't see what you can do to prevent that. Try to get some medical help for him, but bottom line is, he's an adult, and he's on his own with his choices. Your son is an adult, too - albeit a young one. There's really no "nice" way to split up with someone, everyone's going to suffer. Perhaps, suicide is a better way out for your husband - it's selfish and hard on everyone else, but at least he will be in peace again. Life is not all it's cracked up to be, really. But don't let him drag you down with him and manipulate you into misery and unhappiness.
2006-09-06 07:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands needs to go and talk to someone about everything that has happened. You need to let him know that you will be friends but that is all that it will be. As for your son just tell him what is what. Tell him that you love him and will always be there for him. I was 18 when my parents split. I knew what was going on and I understood maybe your son will. Just don't let your husband hang killing himself over your head. That is a choice that he made or will again. All you can do is go and help him get help and then help yourself. Live for you and not for anyone else. You know people have have been know to be alone and be happy. Then there are people who find love without looking. If your boyfriend friend loves you then he will come around. He will realize that you had done what you thought was right and noble. Not a lot of people would of went back. Your boyfriend also needs to realize that you have a long past and child with this man and he will always be there but he doesn't have to interfere with you relationship if you don't let him. As for your husband you nor he doesn't know if he will find love again or not. With life you never know.
2006-09-06 06:52:15 · answer #3 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O
2015-01-28 12:28:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is great that you care so much for your husband that you want to take care of him but you need to move on. As for him I think you should convince him to seek treatment because you are not a therapist and if he is willing to end his life so easily there is obviously something else going on with him then just the break up of a marriage. people get divorced all the time and don't try to kill themselves. The fact that you came back to him now makes him feel that he can control you with this threat. I think the best thing is tell him that he needs to seek help and get himself straightened out before you consider a resolution to your marriage eventhough you know its over but it will probably be the only way he will seek help from someone other than you. Once your marital situation is resolved then you can think about dating again.
2006-09-06 06:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by DVSKITTEN 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you are really concerned about your husband i would get him to get some help before you left, but make it clear that you are leaving. You shouldn't have to stay in your marriage if you are so unhappy. If the laws are the same their as they are in NY, you can have him admitted into a mental institution for his suicidal threats. Go to your nearest hospital, tell them your situation (how your husbands suicidal and why)and ask if they can help you. If they can't then they are likely to refer you to someone who can. Good Luck.
2006-09-06 06:49:12 · answer #6 · answered by Violet 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation a few years ago with the first woman I was with after my wife's death!! I was like you in a real state of confussion (I didn't want the guilt of this woman killing herself because of me)!!! She tried several times once we broke up (each time it was when she realized that I was happy)!! She made sure each time that I would know that she was going to kill herself and seemed to take delight in my misery (they say misery loves company) and confussion!!! Then one day, a WISE YOUNG LADY (SHE WAS A ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD), stood there watching me as I tried to decide (much like you have and are now doing) should I stay or shood I go??? This little girl took my hand and said: PAPA, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY -- IF (THIS WOMAN) WILL NOT KILL HERSELF IF YOU DON'T LEAVE HER and YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE PAPA< --- THEN TELL HER SHE IS SO SELFISH !!!! WHY SHOULD YOU AND THE ONE YOU LOVE BOTH BE SO SAD AND MISERABLE APART WHAT MAKES THIS SELFISH WOMAN'S FEELINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR'S AND THE ONE YOU LOVE AND THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU?? WHAT IF THE BOTH DECIDED TO PLAY THAT CRAP??? PAPA TURN HER IN TO THE DOCTORS AND GO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE AND WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY!!! SHE NEEDS TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL, SO THE DOCTORS CAN HELP HER GROW UP AND ACCEPT THE FACT SHE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH FEELINGS AND THAT IF SHE REALLY LOVES YOU LIKE SHE CLAIMS SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY IF YOU ARE!!! Yes my five year old granddaughter showed more wisdom that day, and opened both the woman that I loved and wanted to be with and my own eyes!!! She even had the wisdom to put the X under a Dr's care (in case she tried killing herself again), and that I am NOT responsable for her happiness and/or sadness!!! SO IN THE WORDS OF MY GRANDDAUGHTER --- PUT HIM UNDER A DOCTORS CARE AND GO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE AND BE HAPPY --- YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS YOUR X DOES!!!
2006-09-06 07:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by xxx69forall 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that's a long question. Sorry for your situation, but it sounds like your husband is craving for attention and trying to kill himself is just a cry for attention. If you keep coming back he'll know that he can always use this tactic. If you are miserable with him its time to move on with your life.
2006-09-06 06:45:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, take a deep breath. Pray that God will help you through this time, giving you strength and guidance.
It sounds like you have been feeling diatant and unhappy for a long time now. You are only responsible for yourself and nobody else. Your hubby is a grown man and needs to stop manipulating you with these threats to hurt himself and to take responsibility for his own actions. I think once you make the decision to move on, you need to stand strong with your decision. Being in the relationship for so long with hubby has made you question your own instincts,hurt your self-esteem and self worth, so it makes it hard to decide what is best. As far as your son goes, he is smart and i'm sure has seen that you are an unhappy Mom, he will see what is best. He is not a child anymore.
I want to encourage you to do what , in your heart, is best for you. Empower yourself, take care of yourself. Have faith, believe in yourself.I wish you the best of luck ;)
2006-09-06 06:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Michele S 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He was only trying to kill himself to make you come back, he wasnt serious. He needs professional help and you need out. Go do what you need to do to be happy. You cannot control his actions and you are not to blame for his decisions. He needs to seek some serious counseling. ALONE. That is his problem that he needs to resolve. You are only a crutch. And you should not have to bear that weight after all these years. Your child is grown. So you are not obligated to stay with is father just because he (hubby) is mentally unstable. Go be happy for you before you die. You never know how long you truly have on this planet.
2006-09-06 06:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by Just Me 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋