My sister went from my best friend to someone I don't know, in one weekend..HELP?

Question

This past weekend, my mother came to my house and I arranged and paid for a ride for my sister. My mother and I were pretty excited to see my sister who came in MOPING. She was in a mood from the moment she came in. We all repeatedly asked her what was wrong but she refused to tell us. So we respect her privacy. and stop asking. We immediately feed her some dinenr we saved for her and give her the tour of our new house.
After dinner, we got out to the porch to enjoy the night air and she mopes. She claims to remember nothing of our childhood , but seems to think all of the stories of the adventures I had with my mother were with HER.
The next morning, I wake up and my sister is out with my mother ripping her a new "one" about abandoning us. not true, when our parents divorced, we were taken away and contact with my mother was not permitted.

not anyone's fault but our crappy dad's.
I cook a nice breakfast, and call them in. First thing, my sister immediately demands to use our bathroom. My husband is still asleep, he likes to sleep in and does not eat in the morning so I don't really bother him. I wake him up then she says " I am going to eat first" my bleary eyed hubby waits patiently.
Sister sits down to the huge cheese, veggie and ham omelette I made and starts yelling at me about why I made it to "honkin' big" I explain to her that we had such a light dinner, and I wanted to give her a good start. She yells at me about it 3 more times. I silently eat. clean up the table and an hour after that, my sister finally uses the br. She smells horrid due to severe incontinence. I suggest she takes shower in my bathroom as I have marble bench. I put down a towel and help her sit up so she won't slide off and hurt herself. get in with her, my pj's and all and help her wash.

I get her clothes and things for her and help her. I even give her a pretty dark red dress to wear. I brush, and braid her her for her and take her outside to enjoy the sunshine. I washed her wheelchair cushion, which was horrid and my husband scrubs her chair. she says nothing.
then we take her to a salon, where we get mani pedis, my sister gets just a manicure as she has only one foot and cannot be worked on by a common tech for fear of injury. so she fusses about wanting to get "Elvira nails". I tell her our mother can't smell the fake nail mixture as it gets her sick. she fusses about it anyway, and seems not to hear that it makes our elderly mother ILL.
So we all get our nails done and the whole time, I get DIRTY glares from my sister. I pay for everyone, the better part of $100 and say nothing. We go back to my house and she immediately peels off her $23 manicure. I ask her why, she tells me " well, you didnt have to get me a manicure I wanted the Elvira nails!"

I tell her our mother can't smell the fake nail mixture as it gets her sick. she fusses about it anyway, and seems not to hear that it makes our elderly mother ILL.
So we all get our nails done and the whole time, I get DIRTY glares from my sister. I pay for everyone, the better part of $100 and say nothing. We go back to my house and she immediately peels off her $23 manicure. I ask her why, she tells me " well, you didnt have to get me a manicure I wanted the Elvira nails!" I tell her "But it makes mom sick" she says " so?"
I go into my 7 year old daughter's bedroom and notice it smells HORRID, sister peed all over her guest bed, her bed and the blanket. I strip it, wash it and replace it secretly.

Then we go the store, get more stuff to make treats, she mopes. I made cream puffs, oatmeal raisin cookies, allsister's fav's. All she just devours but does not speak.
My 5 year old son is an adventurer and climbed on up the breakfast table and sat in his wobbly toddler chair, she said nothing, I ran over to keep him from falling and sister snickered as if that was going to be really funny if he got hurt or worse. I ask her why she didnt say anything, she says " Not my kids" . Wow
Ok, it's the last day of her visit, she glared at all of us. By then the house reeked, we find black handprints all over the place and wet spots all over the carpet. Her ride arrives and she then , without a good bye or anything demand " you gonna gimme some stuff outta that pantry?" I'm like fine-so I give her a couple handfuls of junkfood she doesnt even need. She is over 200 lbs and can barely lift herself up to the van anyway.

I send her an email asking why she messed my house:I get this response
Original Message From: Amy

"well im sorry everything is all my fault anna , i was hurt as well but it didnt seem like u cared all u wanted to do was point out all my faults.u knew i had this leaking problem ok so i didnt tell u cause i got embarrased and im sorry im in a wheelchair.im sorry for everything. if u want to get paid back for all the money u wasted on me then fine i will. what else do u want me to say? "WOW, if she knew she had a problem, why didn't she pay better attention. I mean I asked her, "do you need to use the bathroom" she would flatly REFUSE then leak all over the house.
Well, we paid a bundle for professional cleaners to come in.
So she goes and tells her friends that I treat her like a dog and abuse her. lies.
I have no idea why she did this to me but I am not going to have her in my life, it's not healthy, mentally or physically.

I sent her gift on her birthday, mother's day , money when she needed it, and was there for her...I still don't understand.
She told everyone back home, which are all immature as she is, that I beat her the whole time..WTH? Anyone have any ideas? I mean my hsuband talked to her over and over and she just keeps playing the victim. She glared, made horrid faces at me. Treated my kids like animals and acted like an animal herself.
So I bought a new house, this was her first visit, and she trashed it..OMG can someone be that much of an animal?

To address, She is 36, I am 33. no one abandoned her. She ran away from home.
And she has had people post pictures of me and my 5 & 7 year old kids offering rewards for us dead.nice huh?
I have no idea...

to answer another question, no one got abused by anyone..
not sexually, physically. anything

I have severed all ties with her as of Monday when she left.
Wild....Just wild. She has more people emailing me stating they will stand strong with her and will fight my evil. I may have to involve the authorities. Honestly, it's seeming CULTISH..

Answer 1

It's obvious that your sister has some issues. And i know that you mean well with helping her and trying to do what you can to help her. But to be honest you should try some tough love and back up a little, it may hurt her and you but she has to learn that just because she is disabled (in a wheelchair) that does not give her the right to piss in your guest bed, fight with everyone, and yell at you in your own house.

Who cares that she couldn't get Elvira nails...how about being appreciative that someone took the time to clean her up, take her to the nail shop, and pay for it!?! As a sister you are great but don't let some that does not appreciate it...take advantage of you. Maybe if she does not have you around to do the things that she needs for a while she will appreciate it more and understand that she needs to be more greatful.

Answer 2

Your sister has attactment issues, both with you,her family, and with her own memories which is potentially more worrying.

There is an answer, but it is not a good one. you need to try a process of 're-enforcement' to bring her back into reality.

Re-enforcement requires the family effectively beating the truth into your sister, it will be hard work, seem like it isn't working, ad take a lot of time (time in which you will mostly get shouted at)
and more annoying a hell of a lot of repetition: 'monkey see' does often become 'monkey do'

You must help her through this by challenging everything she says, demonstrate through examples the nurturing qualities both you and your mother have developed...introduce the idea to her of her nurturing you back...simple things like asking her to comb your hair for you is a powerful tool as it brings back physical closeness and proximity and make awaken a slight maternal quality in your sister...

Is she nuts, or is this a cry for help? she has had a divergent up bringing to you in the same house? something else has happened to her that has made her this way...you must get to the root of where this stems from.

I hope you can work it out, but understand if your need to walk away is greater...tough call one way or another....good luck my dear!

Answer 3

Sounds like she is feeling a little bit of the "poor me's"! I don't know how long she has been in a wheel chair, but she hasn't come to terms with that, her disability, or her problems that come with her disability. She is angry at you, because life seems to be perfect and easy for you. (We all know nobody's life is perfect) It seems the only way she knows how to convey her feelings is thru anger...She needs to talk to someone. That much anger is not healthy, it is eating her from the inside out. I don't think she hates you, she just doen't know how to organize all of her feelings inside. Get her some help. Good luck, and it sounds like you planned a lovely weekend.

Answer 4

Your sister is very unhappy with her life, and resents you for being so happy and successful. She won't accept responsibility for her emotional condition [others cannot do anything about it, because happiness is a personal choice], and so others [you, your mother, etc.] must be to blame. And being that she views her emotional condition to be your and your mother's fault, she retaliates in ways to hurt you, like she believes you have hurt her.

She really needs to see a shrink, because she has lost touch with reality! I would also suggest you keep her away from your children, because hurting them would be a way of hurting you. She revels in your pain, and if you act as if it doesn't bother you, she will continue to cause you more and more pain, in whatever way it takes to make you as miserable as she is.

Personally, I would refuse to have anything whatsoever more to do with her [cards, letters, phone calls, visits, etc], until she starts acting like a normal person again. And even then, anytime she acts up, end it all again, until she learns she cannot act that way with you and those you love.

Answer 5

the 1st element to do as quickly as you're making a pal, is to make certain tht he rather is intrested in you and not attempting to hire you to get by on your sister. Secondly, as quickly as you're dating your better half, make certain you dont furnish him abode, or get him offered on your sister. And confident, you is in simple terms no longer waiting to do plenty interior the adventure that your sister is likewise surprising right into a seduction interest alongside with your boy pals - you will would desire to desire to make certain, you dont invite any of ur pals in her presence.

Answer 6

im sry that u had 2 go thru that. u didnt say how old she is. but , she might hve early onset alhzimers. i went thru pretty much the same thing, but it was my mom. they dont seem 2 realize the hurt we feel frm their constant moodiness. but its thru no fault of their own, really. she needs, mayb, 2 b on antidepresents. and 2 b check 4 the diease. i wish u all luck & GOD bless u & ur family. ps. was she ever abused by ur father? just wondering. i thought that when she said she could nt remember her child hood & that she felt 'abanded' by ur mom. mayb it was something darker in her past.

Answer 7

um....yeah. i really don't know what to say about this. if it were my sis., and i wouldn't care who the hell she is, that would be it for me. she's obviously got some issues. it sounds like you all have a relationship with a rough history. the divorce, no contact with your mom etc. yeah, i don't know.