Need help what do i do???????????????

Question

My wife recently told me she may be gay. her best friend is gay but she tells me they are not together they are just good friends. all of our other friends think something is going on. do i ask her again??? I love her very much and want to be their for her during this but don't know if i can handle here with someone else behind my back. i know she does not want to hurt me more but i think i need to know i would rather know know than look like a fool later. am I right?? has anyone ever gone though this before??

Answer 1

Of course people have thought of it before. On the bright side, her philandering won't make her pregnant, if that is the case. On the other side, she may be telling you something else. It is as good of an excuse as any to break up with you, and better than most.

Why should you look like a fool for her indescretions?

Something else to consider, there is a saying: "Sex is the price women pay for intimacy and intimacy is the price men pay for sex." Perhaps you haven't been paying your due attention and she got more attention than normal from one of her girlfriends--and she liked it. If your love-making has been more of the "wham, bam, thank you ma'm" type, you may have contributed to the problem.

Sit down with her. Hold her hand. Look her in the eye. Say, "Where do WE go from here?"

Answer 2

First of all, you have my sympathy. I think it is so sad when families break up. Second, open your eyes. Sometimes its hard to see when you are on the inside. You said it yourself!! Her best friend is gay, and even other friends and family see something more. Sounds like she got turned out by her best friend. Or she has probably been gay (or bi) all along and maybe just never acted on it before. Ask her what she wants to do. Her marriage or her new alternative lifestyle. That is, if you can't live with it. Some men don't mind if their wife or girlfriend is gay. Sounds like you don't like it though. She has to make a decision, whether it will hurt you or not. She can't be playing back and forth and keeping you wondering. That's not fair to you. At any rate, good luck to you and your family. Gosh, I hope there are no kid involved. Peace.

Answer 3

Your wife may be gay -- but whether or not she is, your friends are interfering busybodies. Stop engaging them in conversation on this.

If your wife is a lesbian, it is not something you did, and it is not your fault. it just is what is. It is unlikely to change however, and you need to be ready for the ultimate result.

I am terribly sorry -- and I am sorry that we live in a world where your wife couldn't deal with this when she was 13 and have had a normal healthy life as a lesbian if she is one -- rather than dragging you through finally dealing with what she is now. I'm so sorry.

*hug*

If you need to talk, email me.

Kindest thoughts,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

PS My very first b/f who I loved very very much was a barely bisexual mostly straight young man. We were together for 6 years. At the end I pushed him to find a girl because I knew it was what he really wanted -- but it was painful and difficult and as hard as I tried I did not have perfect love at all times during that. He is quite happy in Colorado these days, and we are still friends.

Answer 4

If you really love her. Really really love her. then you will be willing to accept her for who she is. You should definitely not pay attention to what the friends are saying. Open, honest communication between you and your wife is what is key here. You do need to talk to her again, to find out what she wants. Although if she said she may be gay, then she may be confused right now. she may just be curious, or maybe she's bi. But she will have to figure this out on her own. The best you can do if you love her is be supportive of her, and be a part of her life in whatever way you can, and both be comfortable. However, she should also understand the impact this is having on you, and you should be allowed to choose how you want to be involved with her too. And if you allow her to sleep with other women to fulfill herself, and she ends up neglecting you, then you should be allowed to fulfill yourself with other people also. So you may be looking into some kind of open, polyamory relationship here. Like I said. its all in how much you really love her. and what you are willing to accept. You should rent She Hate Me, and Imagine You and Me. Both are movies that deal with the very situation you are in. Good Luck

Answer 5

I think that is only a qestion that you can answer. Your wife, if really gay, needs to get some help. You two can not stay in a frusterated marrige. I suggest marriage theapy for both of you. You have to be able to trust your spouse. If she is gay, then she is probably cheating in her heart, and not being true to you or herslef. If she is not gay, then there is something deeper going on with her. Her friend is just a drop in the bucket of you problem.

Answer 6

Yes, I've been in your wife's shoes. I've had a friend that I was extremely attracted to. It goes both ways. But my friend knew that I was already taken. My friend respects me and my family enough not to try anything with me, or to tempt me. We still talk, but we try to refrain from spending too much time together.
We are only human and we are attracted to other people from time to time. You wife sounds to be bi-curious. She may want to try it out. Why don't you suggest a threesome. And if your not into that I'm sorry I suggested it to you. But I think you should consider it. So your wife can find out if she likes it. Also if you do it together than it's not cheating. You'll get to have a new experience.

Answer 7

she said she thinks she may be gay...i personally am in a relationship with a man and love him to death...but to be honest i find women attractive...sometimes i question if i may be as well...but i think it's just curiousity...and it may only be that for your wife as well....and it may have some to do with her having a lesbian friend...sometimes it's one of those things like when you are a kid and are being told not to touch the cookie in the cookie jar...when you are told not to touch something...sometimes it makes you want to even more. suggest watching some lesbian porn with her or something...you would bennifit from it as well as her...and then she may realize that it was just curiosity and not who she really is. i mean...you don't repulse her odviously or she wouldn't have married you...maybe you just need to spice up the marriage life alittle. Encourage her to remain open about what she is going thru with you and try and be understanding. i don't think bringing another women into your marriage would be a good thing though....you may find yourself on the jerry springer show...lol...we live more and more in a world of free love...and i don't think there is anything wrong with free love...being free to love a man or a women. i enjoy fantasizing about it, but don't think i could actually act upon it...and maybe she couldn't either...so invest in some lesbian porn...good luck!:)

Answer 8

This is becoming more and more common. Allow your wife time to explore her sexuality and if she is indeed a lesbian you need to let her go and respect that. As a lesbian I will say that I feel badly for you and anyone else who would be in your situation. It's easier for everyone if people are honest in the beginning about their sexuality because eventually done the road they get sick of living a lie.

Answer 9

I know a guy who's wife is gay. I would actually say "bi" though. This is a bit different though, cause he's into that kind of thing. His wife will still have sex with him, but they like to go to swinger parties. I would suggest talking to her about what direction she wants the marriage to go.

Answer 10

i have been the wife telling her husband she was gay it was the hardest thing i had ever done in my life we had been married 12 years and he knew i had been with women when we married but i loved him very much and respected him even more so when i met the woman that i ended our marrage for he knew how it hurt me as well to walk away from him i am not saying it went great there was alot of friction for awhile but now we have been divorced as long as we were married and he is still a large part of my life he has remarried and we are happy so hang on it gets better.good luck to you both ..............