my 20 year old fiance wants us to have a baby on the way before we move into the house. what should i do? i dont think i should because i already am taking full custidy of an 11-year old and im just going to be 19 in November! what should i do?
2006-09-06 06:05:02 · 18 answers · asked by country_cowgirl2006 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sweetie- NO. No way. Think about it - all of a sudden you and your fiance (who is only 20!) will have a house, a mortgage, an 11 year old and you are only 18. Tell him to take a deep breath - what if you have a hard pregnancy and need bedrest the last 4 months of it? Can he work full time, take care of you and an 11 year old, pay the bills, make sure you are all insured, etc.
A baby is more than a baby - it is the creation of an entirely new human being that you have to teach the whole world to. Wait until you are settled and you have a fuller idea of what your world means to you. Then the baby will have the best parents ever and you will so appreciate your child, rather than being frustrated and exhausted. Good luck!
2006-09-06 06:10:56 · answer #1 · answered by step 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either your fiance has a misguided romantice notion or is aiming to be a control nut. I'll be hopeful and aim for the first idea.
Tell him that you do not feel ready to have a baby, especially with you taking on an 11 yr old (which is more like a younger sibling than child and will probably act like it). Explain to your fiance that a baby takes time to be "fun". Even the best, most healthy baby in the world has a fear-inducing cry and requires tons of patience. Especially considering he won't be able to pass the baby onto someone else when things get rough. On top of that, they're expensive little things and a good dad has a hard time saying no (even though they must sometimes).
I imagine you know many of the reasons why you shouldn't have a baby now, share them with him. If he doesn't believe you, offer to babysit someone's young baby a couple nights and bring him along. Then when it's time for the baby to feed or get a diaper change, hand it over while supervising. He'll have a hard time saying "no thank you" when you remind him that's what he's asking for.
Though if your fiance really is trying to control you, you might want to hold off on getting married and think about if you really want to be with a man who can't respect your decision.
2006-09-06 13:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by erythisis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should, i mean, first you should see how it goes with the 11 year old, what if she is, or turns into a trouble maker, you are going to have hard times with the baby and the 11 years old, and second you are not even 100% sure you want a baby, or you are at least able to take care of one... you should talk to your fiancee and try to make him understand that you are just not ready for a baby right now, but that may be in the future you will be more than happy to have one... if he loves you he will understand!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-09-06 13:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by my_sweet_love <3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question.
You aren't ready to have a child yet. Good luck with the 11 year old. Is it your sister or something? Congrats on the house. I'm turning 20 in November and I have a 6 month old and I don't regret him for a second but sometimes he drives me batty.
2006-09-06 13:19:39 · answer #4 · answered by E's Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me being a young mother myself, I already have a 5 year old son, a 1 year old son, a baby on the way, and a 12 year old stepdaughter, and i'm only 21 It is to much stress to handle if you are'nt ready. Even though it is worth it in the end, I would'nt do it right now if you are'nt ready, that would make you and the baby suffer.
2006-09-06 13:13:50 · answer #5 · answered by mamababysingle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! Babies are alot of money, time and responsibility. You seem like you know you are not ready and it would be terrible to be left taking care of two children if things don't work out between the two of you. Babies can also put alot of strain on a relationship. Live your life, do everything you want to experience and enjoy in life before you decide to put your life on the back burner for a child. It's your body, and you would consider having a baby just to make him happy? Think about it, and you'll see what the right thing to do is.
2006-09-06 13:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should wait to have a baby. Give yourself and your fiancee some time to adjust to being with one another 24/7.. and eventually being married.. and with an 11-year old. you have plenty of time for a baby, don't rush.
you should listen to yourself- you're already saying you don't think you should have a baby just yet. trust your insticts and don't ever doubt yourself- that's the worst thing you could ever do to yourself. and besides, babies are quite a handful. they need full attention all day and all night. are you sure you're ready for that?
2006-09-06 13:21:07 · answer #7 · answered by mnm34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not even married yet (as you say it's your fiance) so what's the rush? Find some people who have a baby and offer to babysit, then make your fiance do EVERYTHING and see how much he wants to have a baby after that. Really, I'm not kidding, try it. But make sure that baby is a SCREAMER and do not offer to help with even one diaper change!
2006-09-06 13:13:15 · answer #8 · answered by jeshzisd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wait! ur rushing ur life slow down and pray... u dont need to bring a child in this world if u r not fully ready to do so... besides a baby takes up more time than a 11 year old.... stay strong and wait a while if he loves u he wont push that issuse like that come on get a house and be stable before u have a kid that kid deserve to come home to a home
2006-09-06 13:10:30 · answer #9 · answered by 1plum 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him and explain that you are taking on a lot with the 11 year old and you would rather wait to have a baby. Hope that helps
2006-09-06 13:09:19 · answer #10 · answered by mojosbaby41472 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋