After a divorce what is a reasonable period of loneliness?

Question

It's is good to start dating right after, or how long would someone need to wait before dating again

Answer 1

I believe the most common answer I read was one year. A great book on the subject is: "Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends." Can't remember the author (Fisher?), because I later gave the book to a friend. It really helped with the stages of healing and assured me that I was normal. It also warns against dangers that you might be confronted with. I highly recommend it.

We can all give you personal accounts and examples. The best abbreviated adivce I can give is: Fully grieve and accept the loss. If you haven't gone through grief steps, you haven't healed or learned, and you will just take the same (or worse!) problems to the next relationship.

Answer 2

I am coming up on one year being divorced. And I have to say it has not been much fun for me. One thing I remember my therapist telling me is that I should wait a whole year / all four seasons before dating. What it comes down to is that each person is unique and time frames vary from person to person. Look, for me my divorce wasnt this blown out of proportion kind of deal. It was pretty much cut and dry with a little bit of difficulty but for the most part, we handled it the best way we could. I tried dating almost immediately after my divorce was final and I just was not ready. All I did was talk so much to my boy friend about my ex. Believe me....thats a BIG mistake! I often ended up comparing the boyfriend to the ex and that too is a big NO NO. Everyone needs time to heal. Each day it seems to get a little bit better. Here I am now and Im dating again and promised myself I wouldnt get attached, but sure enough, I met a guy and now we've had sex and I'm attached to him. But Im also scared too. Scared to start something new. But I like you, need time to heal and not make ourselves wrong if we do choose to date. Just take it slow, is my recommendation. Only you can judge if your ready to date. Biggest thing I have noticed about myself is that because of my loneliness, this is why I have been out dating. I really probably should learn to be with myself exclusively and be with the being alone thing. I just dont care for being alone much. Maybe a full year of being alone would be good advice to take. For me, I am just going to take each day one day at a time and try to enjoy every moment. I still find myself grieving over my divorce. If you do end up dating, just let the person know what kind of space you are in mentally so they can choose to either support you or not and move on.

Answer 3

loneliness is normal, but you should really try to appreciate your "aloneness". i am going thru that rite now - when i am out there dating, it can get intense and frustrating, but then when i take a break from dating i feel alone, eventhough i wanted the divorce and have plenty of friends. i am only split up a few months from my husband. i am really trying to reinvent myself as a single person and working with a therapist to find out why i feel worthless without a man. basically it's best to find out what makes YOU happy and then do it - whether it's learn something you always wanted to do, join a gym or take a trip. you should be your #1 priority right now. some people are reluctant to date someone newly divorced, because they feel that person still needs to get a lot out of their system - that is what i am running into - alot of men don't want to be my "first" after the divorce. Good luck!

Answer 4

In six months I would say get out there. Date. But don't expect to recover from the love you lost or stopped feeling or receiving in a short time. That is different for everyone. You may get over it by loving again or it may take twice as long as the marriage. Your thoughts will control some of that. Be open and possitive and recognize anytime you think about your ex that this is a good think that happened to you.

Answer 5

People grieve the loss of relationships for different amounts of time, there is no good or bad time to start dating again as long as you are over the person whom you got the divorce from.

Answer 6

I'd think a lot of that would depend on how long the divorce took, the circumstances around the marriage ending, and so forth.

For example, if the divorce was a total shock to you and you're still hung up on your ex, you may be emotionally vulnerable for awhile and you'd be better off getting a potted plant than dating.

Good luck!

Answer 7

After I seperated...I jumped right into a relationship because I was so depressed and so lonely. I just didn't feel worthy at all or good about myself at all. How stupid. My ex robbed and I mean left me barron of all of my self worth. I was so desperate for affection because I had been starved of it for so long.

I didn't give myself time to heal. If I could do it all over again, I would take atleast a year. I would get to know myself. Then, maybe casually start seeing people until I truly felt ready (not lonely) to start a relationship.

Answer 8

I started dating again within weeks of separation, the divorce wasn't even final for another year and a half. Do what you feel is right for you, there's no "law" regarding this. Good luck!

Answer 9

i think you should wait until your is final and when the time comes you will know it. if you don't know it,then my advice to you is take one day at a time. if you meet someone that you are intrested in then go for it! if you date someone right after then you are only trying to cover up those feelings that might have been hurt.you have to go thur the process of getting over someone to go on.

Answer 10

Shoot I started dating a few months after the finalization of the dame divorce, why be alone and unhappy, find love and happiness!!!