My wife of 15 years is miserable, she's already cheated on me twice (that I know of) even I know deep down inside that I don't love her. She even said she loves me but she's not IN love with me. Yet after all this I still don't have the stones to get a divorce. Also it doesn't help having a 12 year old daughter that I love dearly. Why am I such a chicken ****?
2006-09-06 05:53:02 · 21 answers · asked by kimchee_boi 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!!
You know, it's hard to get a divorce, especially after such a long time of being with the same person. It is scary to get out there and start all over. Plus, you have a child. That just further stresses you out when thinking of staying. You would rather stay and be miserable than leave. Even though you and your wife aren't in love with each other, she is a friend. She's a fixture in your life and has been for quite sometime. That's hard to let go of. Believe me sweetie, I have been there. It's so hard. But, maybe you can end it on good terms. Not all divorces have to be nasty. The thing to remember is: If we aren't happy, our child isn't going to be happy. What kind of example are you two setting for her? You wouldn't want her to stay in a bad relationship would you or to be unhappy?
Again, I know that it's scary starting over and going into the unfamiliar area of being single. But, you never know what lies ahead. It could be the best years of your life if you make them such. It's your opportunity to do something great with your life and do some stuff that you have always wanted to do (maybe skydiving, taking some college classes, whatever). Think of it as a new chapter in your life's book. It can be whatever you make it. You are the author. Why be miserable when there is a world of happiness that awaits?
Best of luck and truly, I hope that you find happiness. I have.
2006-09-06 06:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by Encyclopedia Allie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe after being in a relationship for 15 years it has become more of a habit than anything else. You have to be awfully used to day to day living with your wife and daughter, and people are often afraid of change. If you don't love her and she is unfaithful, maybe it is time to kick this habit. Explain the situation to your daughter, you will actually be showing her courage if you put an end to this relationship which makes you and your wife unhappy. Don't feel bad about being chicken****, change is never comfortable, and it often scares people. Just remember also that change is not comfortable, so if you feel out of place when you start making changes in your life you are going about it the right way. Good luck.
2006-09-06 05:59:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your in it for the long hall and you don't want to loose the relationship of our daughter. You are smart actually. If you get along other than the sexual, then stay peacefully in the home until your girl goes to college or gets on her own. You have been married 15 years, that's hard to let go of. It's hard to believe the she could throw that away so casually. Love is when you take all the romance, flashed and shinny things out of the relationship and find you still care for the person. In love is actually lust, or attraction. The image of something so sweet that you crave it when you don't have it around. It's both of your faults and maybe you are hoping to have that back, but work at the before you were married romance to get her back. You and she will fall back in love with each other.
2006-09-06 06:11:31 · answer #3 · answered by really???? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you have the right to divorce her. She cheated on you twice and she says shes not in love with you. Come on you need to let go and find someone that will appreciate you and love you. Take your daughter with you she doesn't need to see what her mom is doing. You say you don't love her than why stay. You're only going to be miserable. Think about it. Go with your heart. Hope everything goes well with you.
2006-09-06 06:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by kookie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is hard. Anyone would feel the same. You are faced with the familiar that has been there for years and the unknown. The unknown is will you find someone else? Will you have to go without sex or affection? Will you get to see your child as much as you want? IT IS ALL VERY SCARY! But there is light at the end of this tunnel. You just need to crawl out, feed your soul with some prayer and try to assemble the pieces that are left into a picture that is better. My thought and prayers are with you.
2006-09-06 06:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by JenaMarie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a chicken. But you do need to walk away.
If you and your wife really do not love each other, the best thing you can do is bite the bullet and move out. Get through the hurt that comes with the seperation and try to be the best father you can be to your dughter. She really is the main thing that matters in this equation.
2006-09-06 05:56:46 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because to stay is a know quantity, even if you are miseraable. The unknown --- being out there by yourself, is scary you many people. "The monster in the house is better than the devil outside the gate." She's as chicken as you are, or she would have left. You can stay friends, and still get a divorce. There IS a better life, tho it may take awhile to find someone..
2006-09-06 06:15:49 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in your shoes, hit rock bottom and left, only I was the one who wanted out he would have just stayed the way we were forever. It's not worth it and your daughter shouldn't be raised to think thats the way a relationship should be, she'll never be able to have a good one of her own. Get out, you'll be happier. Read the answers to the question I asked yesterday about people being happier after divorce...you'll be suprised, I was.
2006-09-06 06:27:31 · answer #8 · answered by sasha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your wife want a divorce? If you aren't happy, why don't you want to get divorced? I know it's hard because of your daughter, but if she is hearing alot of fights and sensing alot of tension... then your'e not doing her any good by staying married. What's that saying.. "Kids would rather be FROM a broken home, than IN a broken home." Good luck to you.
2006-09-06 05:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by Laurie S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with NOT getting a divorce. I think what you two should do is seek marriage counseling. Since it's obvious that you dont want to divorce you should try to make the most of your marriage. You never know how things can turn around.
2006-09-06 05:58:08 · answer #10 · answered by Confuscious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋