please help me,,,I am 25,but?

Question

I brougt up in a family with rare amount of communication ,and personally was unwilling to get close to people ,I was shy ,bookish,and this was my condition until 18,then gradually I satrted getting out with people ,,and got better.I decided to change my life despite of my family.
now at the age of 25 I am still trying to move up to know how to communicate with people well but I am very weak..since i am still in the same family with quite rare amount of communication , I see that i dont have the neceesasary schemat on my mind to know how to assoiciate with people.i have lots of ideas on my mind i mean the big picture but most often because of the point that i am weak in communicationg and let people behave me as they like,or I behave unappropriately ,I ask myself does it worth to go on or it is better to stay silent like what i was in my adolecsence.dont take risks and dont harm anyone .
this question is very important to me,should I go on or stop and let life and i be as they are.

I mean is it worth it?.meanwhile i had alot of big mistakes becaise of not knowing and ignorance. big risks like getting out of uni.sometimes i tell my self 'let people be easy" maybe you are irratating them with your behaviour.
my question is if i stay silent like what i was and dont try to get better do i regret it later?
i dont want to be a shy and uncommunicative girl but to change I have gone a great deal.I love communication but dont know is it worth it to risk my identity .
I hope i have been clear.Thanks alot for helping.

Answer 1

you have to go on, if you don't share those ideas you will feel like a failure for the rest of your life. At 25 your plenty old enough to get your own space and be your own person. I'm guessing that you might suffer from social anxiety, take an online test for social anxiety disorder and seek help from a doctor, it makes being with people a lot less intimidating. We as humans are social in nature, don't deny yourself the pleasure of spending time with people.

Answer 2

akhshirad, if you are asking this question, then you really are not happy with yourself. You, regardless of what people tell you, it's not worth much unless you ask yourself internally if you really want to live the rest of your life like this. It won't just affect your relationship and life but also your career and relationships, so ask yourself, is this who I want to be?

Most of the time, we do things to avoid pain, usually the pain of rejection or looking bad. Why, that's just sort of stupid. In college in large classes many people didn't ask a lot of question but there was one person that always did. Some of his questions were dumb as hell, at least to me but I never considered this guy stupid, he usually was in the top of the bell curve. So yeah his questions were stupid but I'm was dumb for not asking about what I didn't know and found out that I didn't know it when it was test time when he ask whatever he didn't know, regardless of how simple it was and when the question was on the test, guess who had the answer. You get my point.

When in doubt, ask yourself, is this how I want to live the rest of my life? And if that still doesn't work, just override your fear, pretend there is two of you in there, the quiet person who is the coward and the other person who is not a person so much as a robot. All that person does is when the quiet person scream STOP, I'm scared, the robot takes over, walks into the situation or person, starts talking and then goes away and let the quiet person take over. After a while the quiet person will find out, hey this isn't that bad. Anyways, that's the long way of saying, Just Do It. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am 27. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If you want to be more social, you'll have to put yourself out there. Start smiling to strangers and say "good afternoon" or something. People will warm right up to you and eventually will start talking to you which will help you to learn to communicate better. No one wants you to not be yourself. Let people get to know you.

I too am not a natural socializing bunny. I prefer being with people one on one, and keep to myself a lot when in larger crowds, only speaking when I have something useful to say. I sometimes wish I had more to say when in groups, but I don't, so people naturally assume I am the quiet type or shy. I talk a lot more when I am only with one person.

I find it really nice when people start talking to me and ask about how I am doing. If that is what you want to be like, then you should definitely go for it. You can miss out on a lot by keeping to yourself, trying not to "bother" others.

Answer 4

My son's girlfriend is 18 and she has the same problem. She has a very sheltered life and her parents taught her nothing about the world - even though they are both teachers. You shouldn't give up. You should try and find someone to be your friend who will talk your ears off - someone you can talk to about anything and not feel ashamed because you don't know something. I have become that person for my son's girlfriend and she has started coming out of her shell. Give it a shot. It can't hurt any worse than where you are at right now.

Answer 5

No...u should ofcourse try to learn how to mingle with ppl. You are a man and ppl relying upon you expect you to speak up when you should. And that is a skill that seldom ppl are born with but should develop. I don believe in going to courses or similar but moreover put yourself into real world where you will have to interact with ppl. For example go for a part time job in a place or institution where you cannot avoid interacting with people. But dont expect to be paid heavily. Thats not your aim. I am sure you will be amazed how amazingly your interpersonal skills have developed within a short time. Good luck and let me know. I was once like you and now i am not. And i really want to help you.

Answer 6

I was kinda like you were when I grew up. I am now successful in mycommunicating with people. Here's what you should do:

#1 Submit your like to Jesus Christ, not just a church, but a relationship in faith. all the other advice I will give you wont work in the long run unless you let Jesus change you.

#2 Move out of your parents house if you still live there.

#3 Find a church that cares about people and is people oriented. I dont mean that there are 1000 people in attendance, I mean that they reach out and make the effort to get to know you, and invite you to do things with them.

#4 Dont be scared. Yes, if you make friends with people, you will get hurt, but the rewards far outweigh any negative effects.


Good Luck!

Answer 7

you should definitely move forward with your endeavor, i was the same way im 23 now but 4 years ago in high school i was a total recluse. i was lucky to have a family that was there for me while i worked my way through it, you may want to try taking a college course on communication or if you really feel you need help talking to a counselor abt it. thats what helped me.

Answer 8

Be who you want to be; the people who care, don't really matter, and the people that matter, don't really care. Communicating is not really as difficult, as is really listening to others, and keeping an open mind to their beliefs/opinions. Arguments only ensue, when we do not truly listen and/or keep an open mind. If it is your desire to communicate your thoughts and beliefs, then by all means do so, and the more you do, the better you will become at so doing.

Answer 9

Get out there...you won^t do anything with your life if you stay hidden.Make friends...go out...see what hobbys they have,and if you like some of it aswell then practice them with others...just for the start to become confident...don´t make to many friends,first one or two,but choose them carefull,because they could hurt you,and then it would be worse...try to do something with your life,you can^t stay all your life with youre parents...a friend of mine would tell you "get a life",get a boyfriend...and first of all learn to trust people...

Answer 10

first of all...always be true to yourself. if your concerned about what others may think/say. then remember the golden rule-do unto others as you would want done to you. if you are going to say something, but when you think about it-it seems harsh or unreasonable, just hold your tongue and try to think of another way to get your point across. hope this helps!