Parents please, what do I tell my child?
My child is a teenager with moderate cognitive delay. (Mental Retardation) He always wants to know what is wrong I keep telling him everyone is different. It is so difficult because he looks "normal". but after talking to him you understand why he is in a special class, I am told that he will never be on his own.
He wants to be like other kids. He talks about driving, girls, working, reading, I am an educated person. I am not dealing with this and I do not know what to tell him. Especially when the word retard is sp prevelant. He even has a personal care aid at home. He rebells and says "I can do that "then he just stands there and he is not doing it.
I have looked on-line read books for many years. I need some advice. I can not put it off. HE IS JUST above the range where he is happily unaware. He is aware but ......can you please??
Additional Details
3 hours ago
he is painfully aware
2006-09-06 05:48:44 · 8 answers · asked by sweet pea 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Regarding your son's socialization problems and the word "retard"...
Sounds like he is lonely...
With the "n" word, queer, etc., the put-down groups have rebelled by taking the word back.
People have argued that being non-white in America has an advantage over being an "other minority" because most people can see the color of your skin and racists just go on.
Looking "normal" and then having people discover that you are running much slower cognitively has to be so frustrating to your son. Especially if he is desperate to be like everyone else. There are probably people who would like to befriend him, but are uncomfortable knowing they might insult him; feel "ill at ease". Also, people tire of being around the pitiful. That is hard, but a fact. First, it seems you and he must rid yourselves of self-pity. So it is tragic that he has just enough capacity to know he is different. Its tragic being human and knowing we are going to die sooner or later. Why is it we don't all immerse ourselves in a drug-haze to get rid of this pain?
Not meaning disrespect here, but think about how your son would fare if he wore a tee-shirt which read, "RETARD. Seriously, I am not joking, I am a little slower than you."
Is there any way to break the ice with other people and get this out of the way? Reading your question, it just seems like he is lonely and depressed and you are both disappointed that he won't ever be on his own. Are you sure he is at the limit of independence? If hes depressed, thats slowing him down even more (and adding to the isolation.) Spend some time with him and get him to laugh. Make sure he knows his Mom loves him unconditionally and find something you both admire.
BTW:
I have seen the work of several artists who are part of a local institute. They have found an outlet.
My uncle suffered a stroke in middle age 10 years ago. He was a humorous person, before the stroke and he just laughs off his cognitive inabilities, apologizing for the deficit, he refers to the stroke as "when he messed up", grins, laughs and goes on.
So what do you tell him? Everything other people are too afraid to say. Knowlege is power. Coach him on how to interact with other people.
2006-09-06 07:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I have a mentally retarted sister and have been involved with the Association for the Help of Retarded Children all my life. Thye ahve 50 years of experience with a broad range of clients, from severly retarted to your son's condition). I would strongly recommend you speak to some of the experts there about the socialization of your child's specific needs. He sounds like he has many opportunities. My sister is not as advanced as your son and she lives a wonderful life.
Try visiting www.ahrc.org
Stay strong and godd bless!
2006-09-06 05:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by Billy! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not well versed in this area, but I think maybe it would be really helpful to get some kind of mentor or peer counselor for him, someone who can talk to him on his level - it sounds like you have been the lone arguer for years, and like any teen he's not likely to listen to you much.
ARC - Association for Retarded Citizens, is what it used to stand for I think - helps with transitional issues like these, housing, career development, etc., and they may have a local group you can join either with him or separately, and they can give you better guidance. They are nonprofit.
2006-09-06 05:58:57 · answer #3 · answered by LisaT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he sounds just like my brother. he always knew something wasn't quite the same as everyone else (and SO wants to be ). my mom asked the doc.s when he was little (under a year) ,' how retarded is he?' and they were shocked at her unwavering 'knowing' . not until he was almost 3 did anyone say anything about him not being 'normal'.
he's my big brother and i wouldn't change him for anything in this world!!!
just so you know:
borderline people usually either get 'better' or get 'worse' in their late teens to early 20's.
remember this also:
he's NOT STUPID.
2006-09-06 06:16:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a believer of being completely honest with your children. I do my best to answer every question my daughter has...even the prickly ones. Since I am a source of unconditional love for her, who better to be completely honest with her? I think you should do the same for your son. Don't keep him in the dark about his mental capacity...but don't keep him in the dark about how wonderful he is either.
It's normal for him to become frustrated...we all do when we can't do something for ourselves.
Have you tried speaking with a counselor? I'm sure that he has...but for yourself. It must be difficult to deal with, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do...as long as you love your son, and let him know that...don't feel guilty.
Best of luck to you both.
2006-09-06 05:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by loubean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheer up!! Jesus is here!! and soon no one will say, "I am sick"!! Isaiah 33:24
Right after the Great Tribulation, Elijah and other Christians will be curing people by the thousands in the power of God!!
Matthew 17:11 Elijah indeed is coming and will restore all things!!..said Jesus!!
Praise Jah!!
Hail earth's new King!! Jesus!!
Welcome his wife, the 'Queen of the Heavens"!!
2006-09-06 08:32:01 · answer #6 · answered by tina 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him not all people are the same ,and when he wants to do something that he says he can ,you can do one of two things. Be repetitive in showing him how(will be frustrating) or tell him he IS different and that it will be a challenge, but if you want we can take that challenge on together. Peace.
2006-09-06 06:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry I cannot offer any good advice or help - I just wanted you to know that I can offer good thoughts and prayers your way.
There is one good thing I want to say - I am glad for him - glad that he doens't want to settle - glad that he wants more for himself, glad he wants to do things even if he cannot.
The spirit is strong!!!!
2006-09-06 07:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋