I resently got back 2gether with my husband after being seperated for 1 yr. We have 2 children. 1 of them was very sick as a infant and nearly died. She was in a coma for 43 days. I got very depressed and started taking vicodin and wasn't able to do my wifely duties.He had a cocaine problem. This is one of the reasons that lead up to the seperation.After being seperated, he has done cruel things to me. He took all the money and overdrew our acct. He wouldn't give me anything to feed the kids..I worked for the bank that had the overdrawn acct. My checks were direct deposited, so I never got a paycheck. We still love each other and we decided that we owe it to our kids to try and work it out. I just found out that he has been speaking with another women and they were starting to have feelings for one another. I know he loves me and he is very nervous about splitting up again. I haven't decided what to do. My kids have been through hell.I don't want to upset them again.What would u do
2006-09-06 05:01:41 · 14 answers · asked by Nutcase 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids do come first. My 5 yr.old cries for her dad everyday. My 10 yr. old is acting out. I will sacrifice my happiness for theirs any day. I know they say that if I'm not happy that no one will be. But, I think I can put on a good act in front of them.I can't stand to see the pain in their eyes. It kills me. I am so afraid they will grow up and be disfunctional. We lost our house and I had to take out my 401k to get us an apartment. I can't afford to live in the community I am used to. I live around a bunch of crazy people who have serious mental issues. I feel like their lives are going be ruined. I am afraid something wil happen to them. I constantly worry about them.
My husband feels like he can't be a father unless he lives with them. So, he never visited and they got hurt so much. He is great with them when he is here. (most of the time) They say they want to be a family again. It is so hard not to give it to them.
2006-09-06 05:30:38 · update #1
My children are definetly the ones that are suffering most, I have stopped taking vicodin. I went throug detox 6 mos ago. I am in no way shape or form the victim here. They are!!!!! That is what is so painful. I just want the best for my kids and will do anything for that to happen, i will give up my happiness for theirs any day. They want their dad. He used to be a great man. When our daughter got sick. We didn't know how to deal with it. We should have got counseling, but we turned to the wrong things.Now, I am here trying to pick up the peices. My youngest is so happy that he is here.Every where we go. She tells people, " My daddy's back. We aren't divorced anymore." If we split again I am afraid it will devistate her.
2006-09-06 05:53:43 · update #2
It sounds like you have gone through HELL as well!!! I would be having second thoughts as well!!! If he withdrew money from your accounts and left you with no money to feed your kids, will he do this again. He has to realize that he is not #1!!! Please so some serious thinking on this!!! Ask God for some help as well, he is there for all of us!!! Take care!!!
2006-09-06 05:06:24 · answer #1 · answered by winona e 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First and only first should be the well being and what's in the best interest of the kids.
What you both are doing is very unhealthy for your children so I say get yourself and your husband get himself in order free of anything that will create a unhealthy environment for the kids.
Also, your husband while under this type of marital crisis shouldn't even consider another woman until he has totally worked on himself for the better of his family which should be first and foremost.
If you have a child you could have lost, you should be more than grateful for their life by making sure you don't spend a day taking from such life by exposing them to unhealthy behavior.
What you should be more nervous about is the well being of your kids and make sure that you and your husband get your personal life in more better order and don't make excuses for why it isn't.
The fact that you say he wouldn't give you anything to feed the kids would be enough for me to make a decision on whether I would tolerate this type of behavior around my kids.
As I said before, the best interest of the kids should come first because they deserve better.
2006-09-06 12:24:03 · answer #2 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes it is healthier for the children if there parents are not together, now that you found out he was talking to another women is this gonna come out every time you fight or are you going to be able to put the past behind you and move forward?? If you can't start over new then don't even attempt to put your children through this drama again, and make sure that he is not on drugs anymore either or you will go back to the same situation.
2006-09-06 12:08:37 · answer #3 · answered by brunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a co-dependent relationship and you both need some REALLY SERIOUS counseling.... Immediately.
Take the time to repair and heal. Both of you clearly have had to deal (and are still dealing) with some serious issues. Even if you're not able to go to counseling together go individually. It will only get worse until you both seek help consistently. Eventually the children will also suffer the results of having to deal with both of you and "your stuff" if you both don't do a permanent turnaround immediately.... Get it together!
Selfishness always destroys!
2006-09-06 12:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all if your husband is a drug addict then he doesn't need to be around ur kid's period! If your still takin vicodin then u don't need them either, you both should get some help and help yourselfs first bacuse until you do that your not helping your kids by anything u do! clearly i don't no your life, your situation, or anything else but based off of your question it sounds like your childen are the victims not you! Try re-wording if this is wrong!
2006-09-06 12:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by Ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm make sure his name is off the bank account . You work at the freakin bank, are you that stupid,your kids come first kick the loser to the curb, Hmmm let me see keep a no good loser of a husband with a cocaine problem or feed my children its a no brainer lady, WHY WHY WHY do you women stay with these ******* losers
2006-09-06 12:12:19 · answer #6 · answered by Wondering If ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open a new account with just your name on it and have your paycheck deposited to the new account. You work at the bank, they should be able to help you with that. And get away from the man. Move on. It's easy to say but really hard to do. For the sake of yourself and your children, you need to get away from him. God bless.
2006-09-06 12:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you owe to your kids are healthy, well-adjusted parents, not 2 people who are clinging to a bad marriage desperately. If he was cruel to you, and now is getting something going with another woman...get out now, and move on. The kids will be more miserable if you are miserable. Good luck to you!
2006-09-06 12:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Legs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you are waiting for him to dump you as soon as the other women wants him? why it is that he has to decide what you live should be? why cant you take control of your own life? you must be a freak to go back to him and let the kids suffer again. where is your backbone? stand up for yourself! women, dump the hot axx.
2006-09-06 12:09:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, run for your life. I have had a similiar experience with my ex. and my kids are far better off without a father than a coke addict who isn't capable of being a father. They deserve better and so do you!!!
Believe in yourself!!
You are worthy!!
2006-09-06 12:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by bluegirl63065 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋