I expect pretty much all of you to give me horrible feedback over all of this... but this is the deal.....My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. We're best friends... really. He has told me in the past that because he's so young (22) it's hard for him not to fantasize about other women-- and I have no doubt in my mind that he would tell me if he had ever even gotten close to cheating, so, that's not the issue. My sister is 17 and gorgeous. I am pregnant with our third child so I am obviously not in as good of shape as she is.. but I am still attractive- I think. I weigh about 110 right now (4 months along) and I am 5'2". Anyway, that's beside the point.. my sister made a private video with her boyfriend about a month ago using our video camera. Yesterday, I found that video along with our camera (which is the only thing we can watch any of our recordings on) buried in the trunk of our car. He took it, watched it.. and now I don't know what to do. Divorce is not an option. Help
2006-09-06 04:42:07 · 17 answers · asked by KC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She had the tape at her house (our parents house) somewhere and he went over there, got it, brought it home, and watched it, and then hid the camera and tape in the trunk.
2006-09-06 05:01:09 · update #1
I find that guys when they are put in the situation of needing will power or are to use their better judgment never do. I would have a really hard time with this and would make damn sure he knows this will never happen again. I probably would make him go to counseling with a local pastor (free) also just so he can look a man of god in the eyes and feel as embarrassed and degraded as he made you feel. Then I would have a talk with my sister and let her know how stupid she was and make sure she never uses my video camera again.
2006-09-06 04:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by brunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you claim that you have a great relationship with your husband, so ask him. It is totally normal for a man to fantasize about other woman just as I'm sure you fantasize about other men, that's what makes them fantasies.
Another question to ask is how he got the tape. Something like that is not something that you would just leave lying around. So he either stole it, or your sister gave it to him; which opens up a whole other can of worms. Regardless of how he got the tape, you have to talk to him. If you say divorce isn't an option (which I don't see why you would even bring it up, this is such a minor problem as far as I'm concerned) the only option you have is to talk it out. After hearing his side, and your sister's side, you need to come to your own conclusions. Plus you need to make sure you can live with your decision. Once you forgive him (if that's what you decide to do) you can never bring it up again. Letting something fester will only make matters worse.
For the most part, this is something that the 2 of you will be able to get past. You have your newest addition to look forward to. Fantasies are a healthy part of human sexuality so you can't angry about that. Talk to him and be calm and rational. Before you know it, you'll be back to your old hot body and maybe the 2 of you will make your own videos.
Good Luck.
2006-09-06 04:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by sham.rock19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him about it?
Honestly, you said you expected your husband to "fantasize" about other women, so does it REALLY matter that it was your baby sister (who, incidentally is having underage sex and video-taping it)? Sure its kind of gross and not cool, but would it make you feel better if you'd found a video of some porn whore rather than your sister? Does he spend a lot of time looking at porn at other times?
Frankly, you should confront him (nicely - not a raging *****) and tell him you know what he did, and you don't feel good about it. No woman wants to be used as a blow-up doll for her husband's fantasies.
Destroy the video and do NOT let your sister borrow your camera again.
2006-09-06 04:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I found a video that way you bet I'd watch. That has nothing to do with you or your relationship. It might cloud his dealings with your sister though. Give this worrying a bit of a rest. You're pregnant and therefore very vulnerable. Let him know what you found. Ask him if he would like you to return it to your sister.
Perhaps you should resist loaning the camera in the future.
This dilemma does bring a lot of visualizations to mind though.
Did he shoot the video? Did they give it to him to edit? Is he trying to sell it to an Internet site?
Relax, this is not something to have a major fight about.
2006-09-06 05:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make a fuss. Tell your sister that you found the video, and ask her to be more careful or stop borrowing the camera.
Don't make an issue of this with your husband unless he can't seem to drop it.
There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about members of the opposite sex, but I'd get curious if he needs to justify it with his age.. It could be guilt, a genuine belief at his age, or it could be nothing. It could also be you worrying unnecessarily because of pregnancy nerves.
It does not matter.
At the moment, it is best you focus on your pregnancy and get your husband interested and involved and supportive.
If it ain't broken, don't fix it.
2006-09-06 04:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by Vidyut Kale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a NO. You just don't mess with siblings. You need to sit down and have a serious talk. Lay out the rules and if he doesn't want to oblige then divorce is the only other options. Most likely since he's watched a film, he will probably try to persue her if he was attracted to her. That's just not right.
2006-09-06 04:49:54 · answer #6 · answered by Miranda M. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you talk to him about it? Maybe if you ask him he will have an explination... and why did you sister let him have the video? As hard as it might be for you to confront them both about the different aspects of this problem.. it might help to get it out into the air...and as a mom of 4 kids.. take it from me.. PReggers is beautiful no matter how yucky you feel.
2006-09-06 04:52:10 · answer #7 · answered by icprinces 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is there to do? He watched it and now it's done. I wouldn't overreact. Like you said, you guys have a wonderful relationship. Hell, if I came across someone's home sex video, I'd probably watch it too (depends on who it was of course). Just mainly out of curiousity. I definitely wouldn't divorce him over it. Just settle down and leave it alone. You're too emotional (due to being pregnant) to see this clearly. It's nothing!!
2006-09-06 04:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not see what the problem is. My wife's sisters are all hot. I think about them sometimes when I am with my wife.
I don't hit on them or bang them so what is the problem?
I think that woman are just too worried about things. Remember that your sister is just another girl to him, she is your sister, not his. I don't care what people say, you never think of your in-laws as relatives.
2006-09-06 07:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems as if you planned for it to happen that way if you knew wht was on the tape and if he pressed play and saw that it was your sister he should have turned it off that is so disrespectful and your sister should have taken the tape out of the camara
2006-09-06 04:56:40 · answer #10 · answered by classiclady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋