I came home from work last night to find out that my step son's mother was over for at least an hour while I was gone! She makes it pretty clear that she wants my husband, and she never even gets out of her car when I am there and she is dropping off my step son! My husband didn't tell me of course, because he knew it was wrong, but I had to find out from our little boy. I doubt that anything happened but I don't know how to approach the situation to my husband without causing a fight. I just want him to know that he hurt my feelings and I feel very disrespected.
Any advice?
2006-09-06 04:14:21 · 19 answers · asked by Hey_Hey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
tell him he hurt your feelings and you feel disrespected. And get a nanny cam, if he his lying or withholding information, it may be for a reason.
2006-09-06 04:17:38 · answer #1 · answered by erica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He married you and the relationship with his ex is over for a reason. Your husband will always have a connection to his ex because of the child they share. The ex wife probably does not get out of the car because she feels uncomfortable being around you. Put yourself in the others shoes. I do not think that you should feel uncomfortable, but you should ask your husband why he did not tell you. There needs to be trust between the two of you and keeping information from one another will just break down that line of communication and trust. Approach the situation without accusing and explain the reason you feel uncomfortable. The ex will always be there because of the child, talk to your husband and explain why you are concerned without accusing, otherwise the ex is getting exactly what she wanted, you looking like a jealous fool. Stay strong! I have been there before. Stay calm, otherwise he will be afraid to tell you in the future when she comes over causing more problems. Suck it up for now and think of the reasons he married you and get some of your relationship self-esteem back.
2006-09-06 04:25:19 · answer #2 · answered by Dylansmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you have calmed down a little bit and ya'll have time to talk. Then tell him that your son had mentioned that his ex-wife was over at the house for an hour while you were gone. Tell him that you don't understand why whenever you're there she won't even get out of the car but when you're not she can come into your home and stay for a while. Let him know that it is yours and his home and that you feel it is disrespectful to have her in your home when you are not there. Hope this helps. Good Luck!
2006-09-06 04:21:48 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have probably contributed to this secretive behavior because of the way you treat this woman. You have to remember that she will forever be in your husband and stepson's life because of the relationship that exists. You need to talk to your husband and this woman and let them know that the sneaking around is not appropriate and it is putting the child in a position of having to tell you what is going on. I would make sure that there are regularly scheduled visits that I am aware of and that she gets to take her son out for visits as well. If you trust your husband, then there should be no problem. You need to deal with this openly and honestly to relive the tension, so that the child is not caught in the middle of something nasty and so that you are being a good, positive role model.
2006-09-06 04:21:52 · answer #4 · answered by mad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage coulselors will tell you to to "pick your battles"! This would be all out war. He is straight up stupid as heck. And he has big cahonas. I will say if you chose not to cause a fight or argument, that you simply and calmly, sit down and set boundaries. If she choses not to enter your home when you are there then one boundary should be that she is not to enter your home when you are not there either. He knew he was wrong and it proves his weakness (for her or in general) that he didn't have the heart to tell you himself.
Some things should go without saying, but a lot of times with men, they don't. Sit down alone with a notebook and pen, think about the entire situation surrounding this ex and begin to list your concerns. From this list you will come up with your boundaries! Once you have a list of your boundaries, then calmly sit down and present them to your hubby. Make it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt how strongly you feel about these boundaries. Try to get him to understand your reasoning and come to a mutual agreement. Once an agreement is reached and boundaries are set, if he or she crosses any one of the boundaries, then you decide have all right not to trust either of them and to kick some a** if you so choose.
SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE A STAND AND EVIDENTLY IT IS GONNA HAVE TO BE YOU. GOD BLESS YOU FOR BEING SO CALM ABOUT IT ALL!
2006-09-06 04:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by ushouldnoidontplay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it go til he brings it up. I know it will be hard. That tells you he's ready to talk about it. Just bite your lip. Also remember he's married to you and I'm sure he wants it to stay that way. When he brings it up just tell him how you felt about it. Everyone is adults here and you should take this matter in strides. I know you probably hated seeing her in your house but she has a right to come there. She wanted to see her son right. You have to trust your husband on this one. Good Luck and keep your cool.
2006-09-06 04:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, depending on how he is, if he's typical, I'd expect a fight. But, I would confront him nicely, exactly what you said. Tell you're hurt that he didn't have the balls to tell you she was over, and had to hear it from the kid. Probably come back with the "I don't understand what the big deal is, she was just talking" Take it from there. But I'd definitely let him know you're not happy about it.
2006-09-06 04:19:23 · answer #7 · answered by tikitiki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to set the boundaries in a step family situation, but boundaries are necessary if your relationship is to survive. First, do you trust your husband? Its impossible and really not right for you to deny contact between your man and his babies mom, but it is right to have boundaries. What ever you do don't give him an ultimatum, they always go bad, just keep your cool, (pretend your Mr. rogers) and firmly stick to what you need to feel secure in your relationship.
Communication is vital, make sure you articulate exactly why it bothers you that she was there etc...
2006-09-06 04:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by ladylunamina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand. You should seriously talk to your Husband and let him know how you feel and why. Be kind, respectful and honest when doing so to prevent an argument. Be sure to get your point across and let him know what you want. Hope it all works out, Good Luck!!
2006-09-06 04:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the man the truth, tell him that him not telling you about his ex visiting hurt you and that it was wrong of him not to have let u know. Most importantly, give the man a chance to explain y he did it.
2006-09-06 04:29:51 · answer #10 · answered by Nthape 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose it all depends on your man...in my opinion, it doesn't matter is "she wants him" if he doesn't want her, you got nothing to worry about. Do you have a man with character? Is this a man who will cheat on you? If not, let it go...if you have a good man, it doesn't matter what she does, it will not work...do not give this woman any more power over your life and feelings...BTW, they do have a child together and should try to get along. I have spent that much time with my ex and there is NOTHING going on there...trust me
2006-09-06 04:19:30 · answer #11 · answered by Emme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋