Why do many married couples divorce? I thought it was for better or for worse, in sickness & in health, etc.?

Question

I'm not married yet but I'm man for my word.

Answer 1

Sometimes divorce is the only answer. I have been married for 24 years and am currently separated. There has not been any abuse or cheating. But as time goes on, people change and sometimes the person you become is no longer compatible with the person you married. I am a Christian and have had a hard time dealing with the changes in my life. We have done counseling and other things to try and fix this for almost five years. There comes a time in your life when you have to take care of yourself. If you are miserable there is no way you can have a relationship that works. It is hard for grown children to deal with this as well. I think they have expected the status quo since it has been that way forever. Sometimes the mental and emotional health of the people involved is directly related to the problems in the relationship. I am much calmer and happier now that I am separated. Giving up all the things and money to be on my own, was easier than continuing in a relationship that was causing me pain daily. My husband is a good man, we are just not good for each other right now. Try not to judge people until you have walked in their shoes you don't know what their life is truly like.

Answer 2

Alot of people just fall in love with the idea of happily ever after of marriage but when real life sets in and when the husband is a pig and farts all night or the wife is a nagging lazy broad things don't look as good to people...or what ever pet peeve they may have! But people need to realize that a marriage is hard work and the person who you marry has to be worth it! You have to be able to work out problems in a healthy way and be able to recognize if the two of you are drifting apart and when that happens deal with it and find ways to get back on track not turn to others for what your missing that's what usually happens and people take the easy way out by going the divorce route.

Answer 3

I think there are some other factors involved besides just obvious selfishness and/or immorality (which are usually thrown out there in any discussion of divorce).

1. I don't think a couple getting married actually understands how difficult marriage can be sometimes, just HOW much you have to be willing to change and give in order to build a successful relationship... and that this energy theoretically pays off in the future.

No one has modeled a good marriage for many people. They have unrealistic expectations set by movies and TV shows, as well as negative examples of celebrities and people they know getting divorced for many reasons. It's so common-place, it's now just considered "unfortunate" rather than as the big thing it is.

I think the younger generations do better when older generations can model a good marriage for them, and can advise them in times of marital stress -- helping them set realistic expectations for the relationship, convince them a certain amount of conflict and/or disillusionment is normal, and encourage them to keep trying.

2. Love is a choice, not a compulsion. You are born into a family and get a mother, father, and sometimes siblings... and these relationships are "given" -- you can't abandon them without doing harm to everyone involved, it still impacts you, and so you simply accept them and try to make them work, if you can.

In societies where marriages are more stable, this is the viewpoint used: The commitment is a given, now you just work within its confines to make things work. Expectations are more realistic. Here in the U.S., everything is "romance-based" -- marriage has so many unrealistic expectations for how it's supposed to fulfill you, that there's no way a normal relationship can live up to them. So we jump from relationship to relationship, hoping to find someone that "fulfills" us as much as we hope.

Some relationships ARE tough and demand a great deal of work, maybe more than the average one. Some relationships are also abusive or detrimental to those involved. But I think the majority of divorces are contributed greatly by a lack of positive encouragement and precedent, and a lack of realistic expectations, coupled with our desire to use marriage to fulfill ourselves rather than use it as an opportunity to love and bond with the other person.

Answer 4

I agree with Truth. And marriage is also just a legal agreement. It's how you live with each other that counts. Many - specially in the Americas - give good name to marrige, saying that it's sacred, wanting to keep their partner in this kind of union for life ... while they do like sh*t , or being selfish, or don't care about partner or each other.

Beside it, many of us also get married not totally for the love for each other which counts the most, but somewhat also for some social customs (to be like others: married..., to have what others have: a marriage, hubby, kids...), for self kind of needs (a "place" to live, finance suport ... ). When love is not strong and pure enough to keep the union, the 2 fall apart arguing about things, marriage is just the legal agreement. Like when you sign a contract, but 1 or both of you do not put in enough effort to carry it out, the contract can be cancelled.

We also know very well that many, many people are not happy in their marriage, but HAVE TO maintain it, for some other reasons like kids' sake, assets' status, financial situation ... Otherwise there would be more divorces still.

Jess has excellent phrase and that's what I wanted to mean : Many people plan the wedding, not the marriage. That's why they live like sh*t to each other and don't care enough about each other ... in the marriage. But they always sound wonderful at and short time following the wedding.

Ready4change has an excellent answer !

Answer 5

I thought the same, but my wife claims to have fallen out of love with me. There is no adultery, alcohol or drug abuse; no deviance; nothing. Yes I work hard but I'm the only one working to feed, clothe and house the family, upkeep the house and cars and save for kids education, retirement and vacations. We have 2 beautiful girls. However, she's unhappy and wants a divorce. Go figure.

Answer 6

I can't speak for everyone, but I got divorced because I generally don't do well with a man that is seeing other people on the side. I tend to get jealous.

Answer 7

I believe that our society has ruined marriage.
People don't believe in God, let alone the holiness of marriage. It's a shame.
I've been married to my hubby for 17 years and we are still going strong, we have God to thank for our love. You will find the perfect woman for you, because you are an honest, upstanding man. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

The funny thing is that the rising divorce rate is clearly parallel with the rise of other immoralities as well. Sexual immorality and addictions seem to be prevalent issues today. My guess is that both are tremendous factors in divorce.

Answer 9

Well a lot of man aren't.

I was married to someone who was mentally ill, and I also had a child to worry about. The environment was unhealthy for him. Eventually I had enough and we split.

He became nasty, abusive, controlling, was chronically unemployed, refused to take his medication, he cheated on me and lied to me.

For better or worse...sounds great in theory, but in reality, if people actually followed it, the murder rate would be higher.

Answer 10

because people dont want to put the time and effort to make it work---they live in a fantasy world where they truly believe everything has to be perfect--and god forbid if they disagree..people are too stubborn to ask for help in their marrige and they marry for the wrong reasons...they plan the wedding but not the marriage